Hot damn! What a fine, fine Prudie Mornin’, eh shippers?! Holy smokes! A wonderful, calming mist has moved in over the lagoon and the weather is absolutely perfect today. It’s cool, the air is crisp and clean, and even though we haven’t hit the heart of winter yet, thoughts and reminders of what’s to come with the New Year are everywhere and I can’t wait! I simply love this time of year! However, we seem to have some Grumpy Gus letter writers who’d rather just skip the whole holiday scene and all of the lovely craziness that it brings. Let’s have a look, shall we?
LW#1: Dear Prudie. I’m a bitch. I’m talking, I am a fucking heartless, shitty, absolutely insufferable, incurable, dumb-assed, pursed lips, full of myself, terrible, horrible bitch. Really. Here’s what’s got me set off today. My future in-laws take a family portrait every year and send it out like they’re some sort of retarded Norman Rockwell scene wannabes (they even wear matching sweaters at Christmas and sing carols, but that’s a whole other letter). They’ve assumed that since I’m betrothed to their son (an adult man, by the way, Prudie) that I will be in their stupid, dumbass, bourgeois photo. Not only this year, but every year. Prudie, I want to have traditions with my own, as yet nonexistent, family. My fiancé is no longer a little boy and his parents need to cut the umbilical cord. What a bunch of fucking idiots they are. Can you help me with the scissors? Hmmmm. Well, yes, you are a fucking bitch. But, no, there’s no helping you. You say that you want your own traditions, with your own family, but that you can’t respect that same wish in others? That right there is the very epitome and definition of sociopathic behavior and there’s no curing you (unless, of course, you one day manage to breed and have sons and they all marry little copies of you, which, though it would be wonderfully ironic and a pleasure for me to watch as you were hit repeatedly by that psychic piano, would still be no cure). No, as incurable as you are, the only good you could ever do is to remove yourself from polite society, and the gene pool, by pulling up stakes and relocating to an uninhabited island. But, we both know that you’d never do anything so philanthropic. So, here’s my advice: tell your fiancé and his family exactly how you feel. Read them the letter you wrote to Prudie, even. That’ll solve your photo problem. I promise. Bitch.
LW#2: Dear Prudie, I recently married a man who I thought was Mr. Right. I mean, he is so helpful and considerate, and wonderful and perfect, and everything I could ever hope for! Well, except for the fact that recently I found naked photos of his adult step-daughter (from a previous marriage) on his computer. Some were taken on her wedding day?! Now, I no longer think he’s all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips, but rather that he’s a pedophile. What should I do? Look, I’d like to come down on you like a ton of bricks for so many things that you’ve said here, but, I won’t. I’ll just stick to the point (mostly). His step daughter is an adult. The pics appear to have been taken of her as an adult. You are talking about some high morality about the bond between daughter and father and even accusing him of being a potential pedophile, but, fuck, he’s not her father, you don’t know when their “relationship” started (or you’re not telling), and we don’t know at what age the daughter was when he married (and then divorced) her mom. And, in truth, none of that even matters, actually. Here’s what does matter: he has naked pics of a woman that he’s slept with on his computer. That’s it. Simple. I know, you didn’t say that he’s slept with her. I did say it though. Accept it. All of this other static about you raising kids alone and these naked pics being his step daughter are irrelevant. I’m here to tell you that, a) he’s slept with her, and, b) he’s still the same guy you married (which obviously means he may not ever have been what you thought he was). What you have to figure out is if any of that bothers you (it clearly does), and what you’re going to do about it. He’s lied about the photos, so, if I were you, I’d leave. But, too, I wonder why he lied? Was it that you blew a fucking gasket and asked “Why in the hell do you have naked pictures on your computer that I found while snooping?!” If so, he might have just lied out of impulse (which is no excuse, but still). What if he got those pics long after his divorce from her mom? You’ve left too much out (or it’s been edited out) for us to give specific advice, but, fact is, you don’t trust him, so, unless you can change your mind (and jumping to "pedophile" and "threat to your daughters and grandkids" indicates you’re past the point of no return), you should leave. As for if you can trust him with your adult daughters, why not also ask if you can trust your adult daughters with him? Are they helpless?
LW#3: Dear Prudie, I work in oncology and really like a patient at our practice. He’s single and looking to date. He has terminal cancer, but, I really like him and think we could be happy together. The whole idea seems awkward as he doesn’t know that I exist, and, I don’t know how to approach him. What should I do? I’m going to try to not be crusty here because this sounds like a legitimate, honest and sincere question. But, I must admit that the first thing that came to my mind when reading this letter was the women who court and marry inmates in state prisons (you know, the kind of prisoners who have little or no chance of getting out in the near future?). But because I wanted to be nice to you, I tried to imagine why a woman would go after a man like that in the first place? Is it fear of intimacy? Is it some deep need to commit to an impossibility? Your situation is not the same as the women who court prisoners, but, in many ways, it sounds similar. You know relatively little about this man other than what you can glean in a professional setting. I admit that that’s enough to be attracted to someone. And it’s enough to create a desire to see if there’s more. But, since there’s nothing there currently (relationship-wise), why start something that you know is doomed to be short-lived and very painful (physically and emotionally)? This ain’t Jane Eyre, sweetie. We don’t actually have to live a life of drama and misery. Sure, many people often choose to do so, but, it’s not a prerequisite. I hope that you’ll choose to find someone who has all of the qualities of this man, but who doesn’t have a terminal condition. He does exist, I assure you. Sure, he may be hit by a bus tomorrow. But at least he’d be someone who’s end hasn’t already been determined.
LW#4: Prudie, I have been with my boyfriend for two years and decided to host a family Thanksgiving wherein I’d invite his parents and my parents and we’d all have a great dinner and loads of fun and it’d be an event like they talk about in Home and Garden magazine and the kind that I’ve dreamt about hosting all of my life. And all was going well until my BF’s dad invited his gun-carrying, belligerent, asshole brother to the dinner. Now I don’t even want to have the get together. What should I do? Ah, the fantasy runs squarely into the wall of reality. As Morpheus says in my favorite movie, sweetie, “Welcome to the real world.” Look, this is actually a simple problem to solve, but, it involves a boyfriend who supports you and understands that your feelings are a priority in this case (because this is something very, very important to you--that’s also part of the real world, spouses sticking up for one another and being advocates for one another). Your boyfriend needs to make it 100% clear that you are both uncomfortable with guns and that you won’t have any in your house. Period. Sure, it’s your uncle’s 2nd Amendment right to arm himself with all sorts of powerful weaponry capable of destroying a small country several times over. Well, it’s your goddess-given right to deny him access to your property while thusly armed. This doesn’t have to be a big deal. It doesn’t have to include drama. It’s simple, really. If he wants to come by your place, sans penis extensions, let him. If not, your BF needs to tell him that he’s not welcome at your home. And if it comes to it, and he shows up armed to the teeth anyway, call the cops. I know, that’s pretty shitty, but either it’s important to you or it’s not. Lastly, though, I want to point out to you that no family dinner is ever going to turn out like they do in fairy tales. And life if full of compromises, so, make sure that the battles that you do fight are truly worth fighting.
***
Well, shippers, that’s it for today. What a batch of craziness, eh? 'Til next time, shippers, fair winds and following seas to you all. And remember to take it easy over the holidays. Your family may be mostly nuts, but, they’re you’re nuts.
I did find it amusing that LW1 is so completely insane - I mean, given the number of people who _don't_ get along with their in-laws, she's "angry" about them wanting her to be part of the family?!
ReplyDeleteThough Prudie only alluded to it, she should've been more clear in saying the woman needs professional help, if only to jolt her out of her self-absorbed phony rage.
And if it isn't phony, then this is sooo not about a Christmas picture...
Smagboy1,
ReplyDeleteRight on as usual. It amazes me that so many drama queens who are so full of themselves write to Prudence for justification. Maybe because nobody, even their (dumb, pathetic) spouse, would agree with them? Who knows.
If only we could tell the truth to their faces, huh? So many morons, so little time...
smagboy1,
ReplyDeletei watched my 46 year-old brother-in-law died last year from brain cancer. he sat around for 15 months from diagnosis to his death pissing and moaning that "people were acting like he was going to die." yet he was not fearless and did not fight the good fight. he did nothing to crerate memories with his 3 young girls, he did no planning so his widow would be taken care of, didn't visit old friends, right old wrongs or anything. so while i see your point to the letter writer that she look for someone not terminal, my tought when i read her letter, was office ethics aside, go for it. if she wants to LIVE with this guy while he is dying, so what? as long as she isn't doing it for the drama, or whatever, maybe his diagnosis is irrelevant to her. maybe his diagnosis gives her the courage to act now. life is short. pack it full. beats spending the time in anger and self-pity ... b/c your lovely in-laws want to include you in on their holiday traditions, right?
-bitn
I gotta say Smag, when I read letter one in Dear P. today, all I could think was, "Man, Smag is going to have a fieeeld day with this lady!" And indeed you did! Hehe.
ReplyDeleteI gots some bones to pick with ya about letter 2. As much as you apparently might like to, there is no way to divorce the fact the nude pictures exisit from the fact they were taken of the mans stepdaughter.
This was not just some woman. This was a woman who, "thought of him as her father." To engage in a sexual relationship with such a woman shows such a vile, reprehensible, manipulative disregard for boudaries and trust that it's truly staggering. And not just the boundries and trust between the stepfather and daughter, but between he and his former wife (You know, the woman who's daughter he was banging? Please, explain to me how that's not any worse than having an affair with someone, anyone else and doesn't signal the worse disregard for others).
Maybe their relationship wasn't sexual until the girl was an adult, and by presenting himself as a father figure for the years before he was somehow magically not grooming her, but that's not the point. He abused his position as father and husband in a vile manner, period. What's more, the woman's instinct is clearly telling her that something is wrong, and clearly telling her to be concerned for his behavior around women (and why wouldn't it, when he's show in flashing red lights he has zero respect for ANY boundaries!). If she stays, and puts her kids in the position of having to put off advances from a slimy husband, or worse, puts her grandkids in that position, she deserves to be shot.
Sorry Smag, but you missed the boat on this one (no pun intended, har har.)
I have to agree with Lama...
ReplyDeleteI mean, ugh! I read LW3 and thought, if that's an "excuse he made up," didn't he think that was the most revolting possible explanation?
"Honey, what are these nudes of your stepdaughter Sara?"
"Oh... Uh, you know, the morning of her wedding (how did we find time for that? Nevermind)... the morning of her wedding, I thought it'd be really cute if I, her assumed father these past years, took semi-nude photos of her for... well, for someone, since I didn't even say it was for the intended husband."
"But she's naked."
"Yeah, you know, about that... see, after I got home with my pictures (b/c I've yet to indicate who else they were for), I decided to "Photoshop" them so she was nude (and anyone who's ever used Photoshop raise your hands if you think this is much more difficult to do convincingly well than people think)... Anyway, I just wanted to see her naked, you know?"
"Oh, I see; that explains everything."
Yeah... she needs to run - run! - and not second-guess her instincts; that's how people end up staying with crazy people.
I love your reply to LW1. "Read them the letter you wrote to Prudie". Absolutely dead solid on-the-stick perfect.
ReplyDeleteHey Nagatuki and Anonymous. :-) Thanks for stopping by! Yes, LW#1 is nuts-o, freak-o. No question about it.
ReplyDeleteHey Sandy. While I agree with you, that, if she's not doing this for the drama, she should feel free to go ahead and live for the day, I just want to make sure that she's *not* doing it for the drama--even subconsciously. Which I suspect she is (you normally trust my judgment in these things, right?). Here's the thing, and it's a big thing, she's known and admired him for years. He doesn't know anything about her admiration. If it was real, if it was that something special, why now? Why now, after years? Sure, live for today and all, but do it with your eyes open. Don't do it because the person your pining for isn't much of an emotional risk because he's now in jail, or in the last year of his life. That's not fair to either one of you. In my humble opinion.
ReplyDeleteLama and Nagatuki. You suggest that there's "no way to divorce the fact the nude pictures exist from the fact they were taken of the man's stepdaughter..." I agree. However, what if he married her mom after she was 18 and already moved out? Does that make it diffrent? It does for me (even though it's still creepy, it's not anywhere near the same thing). Sure, "she thought of him as a dad". How sweet. But, that's NOT the same thing as if he was her step dad from the age of five. Not at all. And that's my point. Step daughter, if she was an adult when she met step dad, is not the same as a step daughter he raised.
ReplyDeleteAnd, in the end, as I say, the specifics are irrelevant, anyway. The LW has lost faith in this man and is willing to consider him a potential pedophile. Regardless of the specifics, that can't be fixed and she needs to tell him to hit the road. That was my main point. Whatever was there between the LW and her hubby, regardless of what it was, is now gone. She should end it. I did say that, yes? ;-)
Hey Fox! Thanks. :-) I was starting to think I'd lost it completely. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs always, great column, Smaggy!
ReplyDeleteI knew you and Schuyler would get crazy on LW#1. That woman has made a lot of people foam at the mouth today. (Have you seen the thread about women changing their names though? Holy crap.)
ReplyDeleteBut I'm going with the others on #2. It doesn't say whether or not he only knew her as an adult, but he was married to her mother and there are naked pics of the daughter. And he said he was Photoshopping them because he wanted to see her naked! WTF!
But the rest are good.
Sometimes I think we should declare war on the crazy rednecks with guns. It would give them what they think they want!
Hey Smag! Glad you found a place to be yourself and tell it like it is. At least, the way you THINK it is. ;o)
ReplyDeletePer LW#1, if she's got such a huge problem with being photographed with her future in-laws, maybe she shouldn't marry into the family. I don't think it's the holiday photo, I think she plain old despises them and wishes they would disappear from the face of the earth. WHEW! How can her unsuspecting fiance not glom onto this fact? Good luck to him, he gonna need it!
Now to LW#2 - this woman has married a man that obviously doesn't respect boundaries. If her daughters and grand-daughters are attractive and he thinks he's got a chance, yes, he's gonna hit on 'em. And then her fears will be confirmed. And then... she's just gonna roll over and take it, because she's obviously so desperate for a man, she's written to Prudy for reassurance that she should stay with him. Seen too many women like her over the years, she ain't gonna do nothin'.
Don't know what to say about the lady who's obsessed with the terminally ill man, I really don't.
The LW who doesn't want the flaky uncle with a gun in her home, can't blame her. Her husband and FIL need to make it clear that guns aren't allowed. Period.
Sorry, I'm new to this, meant to post as Catseye to the above letter.
ReplyDeleteRe women changing their names: my solution is here: http://misantropismes.blogspot.com/2009/11/last-name-plan.html
ReplyDeleteHey Libby! Thanks for stopping by. :-)
ReplyDeleteSpacey, I agree with your Photoshopping comment. That's bull. They were bangin' each other. And I'm not condoning that! I'm just saying that it has nothing to do with our LW's choice. She's already pegged him for a pedophile! Whether he is or not is irrelevant. You can't go back from that. Too much water under that bridge. Time to move on.
Hey Catseye! Welcome! I'm with you all the way. I have no idea how fiancé hasn't figured out that LW#1 is nuts.
ReplyDeleteMarc, I like your solution. I'm for it, but, too, all for the option of both changing their last name to something entirely new. Like "Rainbow", but also like "Smith" or "OrangeShelale" or "ElPoloLoco". I actually know a couple who did change their last names to "Rainbow" upon marriage. Or, hubby could take wife's family name, too. It doesn't matter. Allowing both to change to whatever they want would accommodate gay marriage, as well, since your gender suggestions would be harder to follow in those cases. Placing less importance on the specific names and more on the families is my thought. ;-)
I steadfastly avoid reality shows, esp. the reward-horrible-behavior ones like Bridezillas, and this is how Prudie repays me? Ah, never mind. I did like her reply, and of course it's improved upon here by Smag m'boy. But you DO know that your "all-time, top of the line, no one could ever do better" reply was the one to the couple who were **secretly relieved** that their relatives had a miscarriage, because they'd been upset that they weren't "first to have a child" originally? Sometimes I reread that to cheer me up.
ReplyDeleteThe reply to Bridezilla ties for second, btw.
Am also enjoying the "last name change" thread on the Fray. I'm shocked - SHOCKED - at myself for never thinking of your (and some others') solution, Smag: come up with your own last name. Alas, on paper it sounds great, but I fear that most couples would get shit from all around them from relatives. "No son of MINE is changing from 'Hampingtonsonfren' to 'Unicorn' !"
Originally I wouldn't have considered for a second changing my name to "his," but picking our own? That intrigues. Just no fucking hyphens! (Fine for others, NOT for me).
LW2 - *maybe* not a pedophile. But damned creepy. Damned creepy. It reminds me of a guy I overheard, in his 30's, who lusted after the Olsen Twins (some years ago) with words to the effect, "OMG! I can hardly wait till they're 18! Then they'll be leeegal!"
My two oldest sisters married brothers. During the second sister's rehearsal dinner, an uncle stood up for a toast and began with, "This all just seems incestuous, doesn't it?"
LW3 - words fail me. Got nothing to add, but I like your take on it, Smag (the part about prisoners)
LW4 - There are TWO ridiculously long threads in the Fray about guns. Seems to be no middle ground in either. "Love me, love my gun" vs "Her house, her rules." No man's land in between. I admit that I'm NIMH about them. Let me amend that (get it? amend? cuz - never mind). If a trusted friend visited me alone, and was trained, certified, etc, I'd be okay, but when hosting a party? Uh uh. Or even if it's just me at home and the guy/gal is all "Dude! I totally have a gun! It's AWEsome!" Then... uhhh, No on that, too.
otoh, you can call me a hypocrite for having a cache of martial arts weapons located throughout my place. Some of them are just sitting out openly, and nobody's noticed!
What about the fact that the BF's dad invited his brother without checking if that was okay?! I know Thanksgiving is about family but they have the right to make their own guest list and include only who they want.
ReplyDeleteHey herdthinner! Glad to see you. :-) I'm with you regarding reality shows where bad behavior is rewarded. I'm a "Charm City Cakes" fan, myself. ;-) As for name changing, you're correct, it takes a certain character to be willing to change one's name in a non-traditional way, but, pioneers are that way, you know?
ReplyDeleteAs for LW#2, my point was not that the hubby is or is not a pedophile, only that, as advice to the LW, since she's already gone there, she should leave. Period. There's no going back from thinking your husband might abuse your daughters or grand daughters. Further, and this is important, if I was responding to a letter from the daughter in law in question, my advice would have been a lot different! And a lot tougher on the guy regarding the pics. Just so you know. ;-)
Hey Stephanie. Great point! And something that I should have mentioned. Yepper, the BF needs to take the lead in talking to the dad, but, yes, dad has to be the one to set this straight. He was out of line (assuming he didn't actually ask permission of the BF, who has neglected to the tell the LW, which, as you know full well, is entirely possible). ;-)
ReplyDeleteTo your question, Smag, I guess I just think that adult children don't ever come to think of short-term step-parents as their "dad." It's awkward enough to just start calling a new "parent" mom or dad, but after adulthood? Not as likely...
ReplyDeleteSo, coupled with this _admitted_ assumption on my part, and the way this woman worded the letter (worrying about grandkids?), I assume she has rightly interpreted the creep as a creep.
And yes, you did tell her to leave. :) - I think, again, sometimes it's best to listen to one's intuition, because if all you've got to lose is a short-term marriage with no strings attached it seems obvious what the choice should be...
Hey Nagatuki! I agree that the step-daughter wouldn't likely have come to think of a short-term step-dad as "dad". But, I'm guessing she didn't think of him that way (probably wouldn't have posed for the pics if she had)! So, in that tidbit about the hubby and step-daughter's relationship, I doubted the voracity of the LW versus the hubby. I'm not saying he's not a creeper, just sayin' that I think the LW was spinning things a bit (either consciously or not). But regardless, as we've both said, when you're willing to suspect your husband might molest your grandkids? It's past time to end things.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who, when she married, combined part of her husband's last name with part of her last name and came up with a charming hybrid. He kept his last name. She's an artist, he's a strait-laced lawyer.
ReplyDeleteI think people should just do whatever works for them.
And with that, I'm off to officially change my name to Unicornfarts.
Hey Smag! Great advice, as usual. LW#1 sounds like a real bitch and someone I hope never to meet. LW#2 needs to cut her losses and get out 'cuz she'll never trust him again no matter what happens.
ReplyDeleteLW#3 should just be friendly but not push for anything else. I'm a 2-time cancer survivor so I don't have experience with the terminal diagnosis yet, but neither time did I want to go past "hey" and (maybe a little flirting to take my mind off the treatment) with any of the medical staff! That includes the cute male nurse and the really hot EMT my sister and I still talk about 12 years later.
LW#4 has the right to determine, with her BF's agreement, who to have for dinner. I just don't get trying to exclude anyone at Thanksgiving unless she has a really tiny home. And, no, weapons wouldn't be a reason for me to exclude any of my family or friends. Like herdthinner our home has martial arts weapons in plain sight, as well as other types of weapons; and they've never been an issue with our family or friends. LW, though, has the right to her opinions and feelings. She just needs to assert herself.
Ahoy Diving Buddy!
ReplyDeleteIt's official ~ From here on in I wish to be known as "OrangeShelale ElPolloLoco". Why? Oh, I have my reasons... I think it has a nice ring to it, what say you?
LW#1 ~ Couldn't have said it better myself. And if your military training didn't have you nudging the rooster awake before me ~ I would have had a chance to. ;)
LW#2 ~ You and I may not know how old the husband was when he married and divorced his stepdaughter's mother ~ but the LW sure as hell knows it. As loathe as I am also to paint a man with such a broad brush, there's a reason the word "pedophile" leapt to her mind. It's because when a man can say "I always thought of her as a daughter" in the same breath as explaining he photoshopped his own lingerie shots to make them even more inappropriate ~ the line of incest has been crossed if only in his own mind.
LW#3 ~ Well, every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you, party pooper. You know, if this immortal Mermaid rejected every suitor over the past millenium because she knew he would pass away before her... she's still be a virgin to this day. Picture THAT!
LW#4 ~ You just cited the Matrix and penis extensions in the same post. It just doesn't get much better than that. ;)
Be seein' you around the lagoon, Smag! Until next week, my Captain, keep your porthole sealed tight and your periscope waaay up!
Ah, Spacey Unicornfarts! See, thing is, I'm guessing the farts of a unicorn must smell like Chanel #5 or something similarly exquisite and expensive, right? ;-) I mean, they're farts from a unicorn, for cryin' out loud!
ReplyDeleteHey Beckaroo! Welcome back to the lagoon! :-) Just so we understand each other (and I think we already do, but, have you ever known me to keep it brief?), I have no issue with dating someone who's terminally ill. My issue was with the LW's motivations for doing so. If you've pined for a guy for over two years, haven't ever said a word to him, but think you love him? Well, that's not going to end well. I was just hoping to get her to think about the why she seems to go after "difficult" relationships (and you just *know* she does). ;-)
MM! How in the hell are ya, Diving Buddy?! I was beginning to fear that we wouldn't see you here in the lagoon this week and I was pretty bummed about that!
ReplyDeleteRegarding LW#2, there *is* a reason that the word "pedophile" jumped to the LW's mind. But, I'm not certain that pictures of a nakie 22-year-old are that reason. And, since the LW hasn't given us anything else to go on, I'm going to guess the real reason is ABC News' program "Busting Pedophiles", or Prudie's recent jump from a father-in-law over-hugging adult women to pedophilia, or, some other terrible media source that paints danger around every corner. If the LW truly believed it, would she be asking Prudie's advice on whether or not she's over reacting? But, to be sure, I advised the LW to leave her hubby/maybe pedophile post haste. For both of their sakes. There's no going back from thinking your mate's a pedophile.
Thank you for catching my "Matrix" reference, MM. No one else mentioned it and so, as a prize, you get bonus points and a detailed tour of the submarine for such astute reading. ;-) However, I'm going to take points away if you were slyly and surreptitiously trying to degrade the movie by insinuating that "penis extensions" (and the sociology that goes along with them) have anything, at all, to do with that flick! ;-)
You're asking me if the LW would still be writing to Prudie if she "truly believe it?" Let's put it this way ~ hubby admittedly took lingerie pics of his "daughter" and then photoshopped her naked. And the LW STILL had to ask for Prudie's advice? What she's asking Prudie is ~ should I proceed with no direct evidence but plenty of gut feeling? And the answer is a resounding "DUH!"
ReplyDelete*sigh* Are you going to bring me on board to show me your etchings AGAIN, Smag? You ol' Salty Dog, you! And anyone who would dare imply that the beloved and revered Matrix has anything at all to do with male overcompensation, well, they deserved to be spanked! ;)
We do agree on LW#3. She certainly should go for it if she's serious but, as you said ~ 2 years without saying a word doesn't indicate there's really anything there. I was just looking at it from the other side.
ReplyDeleteI would have recognized your Morpheus comment even if you hadn't mentioned the name 'cuz I've seen the movie several times.
BTW, thanks for making my Friday afternoons bearable. The rest of the campus closes at noon but I have to be here 'til 5. I'm the only one in my building so security personnel stop by now and then to be sure I'm OK, but sometimes it gets just a little bit lonely. I spend most of my time on The Fly now instead of at that other place.
Loved that - www.marryaninmate.com will send you free membership details after this, Keith!
ReplyDelete#2 bugs the shit out of me - my responses were a little more robust: I'm a stepfather (of 3 boys, but...) I think this guy is just as bad as she: she's a moron for asking "gee, should I be paranoid?" and not taking a hike, and he's...well, I look at it this way: my oldest is married to a very pretty young lady, and I can't look at her "like that." I mean, I can look at her...but that whole creepy thing starts and I feel compelled not to look any more. She's a kid, she's may step-daughter-in-law, and there it is.
Now, my youngest stepson had this girlfriend...holy crap-ola, she was, I mean, holy...
Well, still. I wouldn't take pictures and Photoshop her to make her naked That's just plain f*cked up, legal age or not.
Hey MM. Well, hubby claims he took the pics, but I don't think he photoshopped them, or even that they were ever lingerie pics. I think they were nudes of the step-daughter from the get go. That may be why I'm a little more willing to not crush him here. The step-daughter, as an adult (at least 22 years old) seems complicit. As for what the LW is thinking, I'm guessing it's just the opposite of your thoughts. I think that the LW knows the step daughter never lived at home while her husband was married to the mom (a marriage that probably only lasted two weeks--another fact the LW left out, I'm guessing) *and* that the step-daughter sent the pics to the husband in an effort to seduce him! Or something like that. ;-) Either way, she ought to leave the guy. He had the pics on his computer. She snooped. Neither one of them are trustworthy as far as I'm concerned.
ReplyDeleteHey Beckaroo! Sorry that I missed your post before 5:00 p.m. Have a great weekend! And, too, sorry about you missing out on the boat tour. You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to beat MM. And don't be fooled by her feigned disdain for touring the boat. She *loves* my etchings. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHey Schuyler!
ReplyDeleteYepper, #2 is a tough one for me, too. Here's the thing: we don't know squat about the LW's husband and the step daughter. What if the step daughter was, a) already out of the house upon marriage, b) the one who came on to the husband (after he and her mom divorced after a just a few months of marriage), and, c) went into it as a consensual adult? The whole "thought of her as a daughter" quote is on damned thin ice in my book as the LW tells us that little gem after admitting to snooping in the husband's computer. I don't entirely trust her perspective.
So, to me, we have to limit our view here to the LW and the husband. As such, I advise splitting because there's not trust there and never will be.
As for marryaninmate.com, please tell me you're kidding, please tell me you're kidding... Thank goodness. I had to check. ;-)
Oooh, you're so fun to play with! I can't stop!
ReplyDeleteNow, Smag honey ~ we "know" the daughter didn't send stepdad the pictures in an effort to seduce him ~ because he admitted taking them. And if she had, when confronted, wouldn't he have thrown her under the bus if given the chance, instead of coming up with the cockamamie and o-so-much-worse excuse of photoshopping them ~ after taking them? And I agree with you that the photoshop excuse is just that. Sbe was nakey as a jaybird when those photos were snapped by papa.
But, where did you get that the stepdaughter was at least 22 at the time these pics were taken? Have you seen them? She could have been as young as 14 (legal to marry in some states). Ask Angelica Huston, she'll tell you 13 year olds look like 30 year olds. LOL! ;)
I think all your little embellishments to the story are so cute! "A marriage that probably only lasted two weeks..." That's so great!
And just for discussion, I know what has everyone's panties in a bunch (except for me cuz mermaids don't wear pantieeeeees ;) is the idea that this lady is "jumping to pedophilia." I hate it when people do that, too. But I'd just like to point out that a lot of folks are operating under the mistaken notion that pedophilia involves anyone under the age of 18 years old ~ and it does not. It means anyone under the age of 13 years. But this lady might not know that. So when she says she's worried that he's a pedophile, she may be worried about her own granddaughters or daughters (his new stepdaughters!) who may be in the 14-18 year age range ~ just like his stepdaughter might have been when he admittedly took lingerie and/or nude photos of her!
I wholeheartedly agree with you and concede your wisdom, DB, that this couple should part ways, which in my mind began when she first sat down at his computer to snoop.
Last point ~ I'll buy that she was a consenting adult when the photos were taken. Tell me, Smag, Do you feel the husband had an obligation to his new wife to tell her he'd had a sexual relationship with his former stepdaughter instead of portraying his relationship as that of father/daughter? Do you think he misled her when he didn't tell her the true nature of his relationship? Do you think maybe that's part of what's bothering this LW? She doesn't know what to believe. Either he's thinks of her as his daughter which makes him a perv or he doesn't which makes him a liar. Not good either way you slice it.
And you've got me again, Captain. Of course I've always loved your etchings... it's just that the crew isn't falling for that one either as the excuse for why Mermaid keeps wanting to climb aboard your vessel. ;)
Eh, LW2 and her kwazy kwew bore me.
ReplyDeleteSmag m'boy, of course I caught the Matrix reference, but I didn't know there was a contest for mentioning it! Besides, I took the blue pill years ago because, ultimately, I couldn't take a lifetime of eating single celled protein combined with synthetic aminos, vitamins, and minerals.
I admit that I wouldn't mind if a trained, licensed, etc, friend or relative brought a gun when it's just me at home. Owning one isn't on my current to-do list, but I'm curious about their design and construction and would be interested in holding one (safety on!). But when I'm hosting a gathering? Absolutely not.
A million years ago my mother used to date a cop, and one evening he and Mom gathered us sisters (4 total) into the living room, where he clunked his piece onto the table and started a long lecture about not playing with it. Apparently he wasn't good at reading expressions or body language, which was, to a girl, shouting "GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!" In my case it didn't help that when he clunked the thing on the table, after all movement came to a stop, it was pointed at ME.
MM, how can we "know" that the step-daughter didn't send the pics due to hubby's "admission" that he took the pics? You assume he'd throw her under the bus. I assume (in my little story) that he's covering for her by saying he took them. And, yes, my embellishments to the story are just that. But, while they're not plausible, they *are* possible. And that's my point. In this case, we just don't have enough info, not nearly enough, IMHO, to judge the depths of this man's icky-ness factor. It *could* be just as I've laid it out. It *could* be that he began molesting this girl at age five. We just don't know. And clearly don't have enough info. And I sort of doubt the voracity of the LW's tale. If it was exactly as she laid it out, and if she *truly* feared for her grand-daughters (her daughters are out of the house), as in, she *truly, honestly, really* believed this man a threat, she'd leave. She mentioned no psychological abuse.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that she should stay. Quite the opposite. I'm just saying that we shouldn't jump to the pedophile labeling of this guy based on this letter.
As for the hubby's obligation to tell the LW about his sexual past with the daughter (if there was one)? I don't think a person should have to divulge past sexual history to spouses/SOs (unless disease or other extenuating circumstances are involved). However, omitting and lying are two different things in the case of sexual history, so, yes, if he made out the relationship to be father/daughter if it was only consensually sexual, he mislead the LW, and unfairly. No question.
Oh, herdthinner, a woman after my own heart (with your very capable and complete 'Matrix' references)! Fact is, if I'm completely honest, though, there was no contest so much as I was just trying to get MM to come aboard the submarine. ;-) I apologize for being misleading, but, maybe I'll hide an actual contest in the column next week!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on the weapon. If I am comfortable with a person's level of responsibility and sanity, I would not even blink if they brought a weapon into my home (I have two uncles who are in law enforcement and I grew up up with several guns and other weapons in my own house) and so have been taught from the earliest age to respect weapons of all types. However, I can think of not a single person that I've ever known who'd bring a gun to a Thanksgiving family get together where kids or horseplay or just a lot of people would be. Fact is, it's just too risky. And unnecessarily so. There's not a reason in the world to do it.
Y'know, this just occurred to me. Do we just have LW4's word that the uncle would insist on bringing a gun? She wrote something like, "he takes it everywhere." I don't remember her including any anecdotes about past family gatherings. An exaggeration, then?
ReplyDeleteMaybe Unky-poo would already think not to bring it, but otherwise likes to carry it on him.
I could probably reread the original letter and scrutinize every syllable, but I'm not motivated enough. I'm just throwing out thoughts.
Space Cadet: What, not Slartibartfast?
Ahoy there Captain! I'm late getting to the misty lagoon, but I come from a land of mist (and rain and rain and rain) so it does look very comfortingly familiar.
ReplyDeleteYour advice is right on, and lively to say the least. I appreciate the "penis extension"... Gasp, holday family gatherings have been known to turn belligerent at the plop of mashed potato bringing back memories of all the past affronts exchnaged since and even before the births of the participants... So if uncle is to bring a gun in the house, the only solution would be for all the other guests and hosts to be armed as well. The result would be so much more exciting than the usual run of the mill food fight!
I'm thinking that the newly wed mother worried about her "perfect" hubby should discretely get information from the ex wife and step daughter...
Ah, Smaggy...what a week I have had my wit escapes me, I can say for the first time in weeks Prudie may have hit on good advice for LW 1...she sure has a burr in her butt... and my guess is there much more going on than the jolly annual Christmas photo.
ReplyDeleteThe girl who wants to connect outside of work with the fellow who already has his hands full, she needs to stay the hell away from him...I agree with Prudie...her signing "undying love" is a blaring sign she is sicker that he is.
Should I have begun my missive with the statement "my tolerance has never been lower for STUPID PEOPLE" than it is today and I don't see that changing anytime soon?
Boy...the woman newly married to the "CREEP" with the OMG Photoshopped photo's? Who does this? I want to know who else he photoshopped to be naked? His high school teacher, school chum photo's, Fergie, old photo's of his mother in law, WTF really covers it! I didn't read pedophile until you stated it...I read major creep with boundary issues and a ton...a ton of reason's why he creeps me out. And why is he speaking of his relationship with his stepdaugter at this late date anyway? And who...comes up with a lie like this? Oh, she's naked because I took lingerie photo's on her wedding day and I simply removed them...yes, a healthy bit of photoshop on a rainy Saturday, I was a bit bored...that sounds not so creppy after all. Is everyone taking lingere photo's on their Wedding Day? My shit detector is screaming and it won't shut up. Did he marry his new wife because he "likey the looky" of her daughter and her granddaughter's? RUN to your lawyer and take all your family photo's with you.
You'll never convince me that the woman did not have some extremely valid reason for snooping to begin with.
And the Uncle with the gun. I read it as not so much as the gun being the entire issue...it was the creppy, untrusted Uncle with the gun causing her fear. I'm sorry, I have friends who have concealed weapon permits and do carry but they never give off the "creepy, untrustworthy" vibe this woman gets from this Uncle. He's the problem, and he's got a gun!
MERMAID, I needed a laugh, and your "climbing aboard Smaggie's vessel" did it for me, a big, thank you coming your way....can you keep it up for at the least another week...hmmmmm?
Happy trails....and avoid those CREEPS...
Ahoy Kati! Better late than never, I always say. And, while it would have been good for the new wife to discreetly get info from the ex and former step-daughter *before* suspecting hubby, it seems too later now. I mean, once you're willing to think that your spouse might be able to molest your grandkids, things have gone past the point of no return, don't you reckon?
ReplyDeleteMany happy holiday wishes to you and yours! :-)
Hey Debbie! It's okay if your Stupid People tolerance is at a minimum. It is the holidays, after all. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, there's certainly more going on with LW#1 than the photo. She wants her betrothed all to herself. She wants to be #1 in his life with no room for anyone/anything else. She's scary. Truly.
Also, yes, the uncle's gun, I agree, is likley much less the issue than the uncle himself. However, one can ignore idiocy. It's harder to ignore armed idiocy. ;-)
Happy holidays!