Hey Hidey and Ho, Shippers! How in the heck are ya on this fine, fine Prudie Day? What interesting things are going on in your neck of the woods? School? Festivals? The new TV season? There’s loads of good stuff, eh?! Plus, we continue to get letters! Three cheers for Prudie Day! And, with that in mind, let’s get right to it, shall we?
LW#1: Dear Prudie, I grew up being a short-tempered, mean, spiteful bitch. But, I’ve really worked hard on that and on being patient with others. And I’ve really gotten better! Case in point: I recently attended my brother’s wedding. The whole family was there, many of us traveling from way far away. Like, I mean, waaaay far! Which, as you know, if there’s ever an excuse to be grumpy, that’s it! So, okay, admittedly, I was a little short tempered with everyone. I may have even been a little mean, but, only after the ceremony, blowing up at the family (just that once), with my sister taking the brunt of it. Well, I apologized to her. Twice, even! And that hateful thing still won’t speak to me, claiming it’s all my fault?! Now my family wants me to make nice with her! How dare they? I’m thinking of just dropping them all, the ungrateful shits. I mean, it was just that one little outburst! What do you think? Signed, I Once Was Mean, But Now I’m Not
Dear Blind Woman, Narcissa. You have a sickness. I’m not a professional treater of brain and/or psychological disorders, but I’m guessing it’s called Narcissistic Self-centered Personality Disorder with overt World Revolves Around Me tendencies. NSPD WRAM for short. Or, just “Flaming Bitch Disease” (FBD), for shorter. And, just so you know, things are going to get worse from here. Growing up, your family had to put up with you. Out of obligation. Now? As an adult? They can and will choose to dump your ass. And you may claim you want that, but, being as I guarantee that you have an awfully hard time keeping friends, that’s not something you want...you know, deep down in the black space where your heart resides. You notice how your solution to this problem was to immediately blame your family and threaten to quit them? You have a problem that needs serious treatment. In AA, they call it “stinkin’ thinkin’” and it’s noted by always blaming everyone else for one’s own behavior and for the consequences that result from said behavior. You are in the wrong here. You can’t even hide that fact in a letter meant to paint you in a less offensive light. And I barely know you! So what do you think the real reality is?! I hope you can find help because you truly need it, but, all the help in the world won’t do a thing so long as you think it’s acceptable to be mean to other people. Even once. Even when you’ve traveled all the way from The City! It’s one thing to be mean to Letter Writers via the Internet. It’s a whole other thing to do it in real life, with real people and real family members (who are real people, too, by the way). Don’t address this and you may get exactly what you claim to want: life without your family (and trust me when I tell you that you don’t have any friends that’ll stick by you through more than your family already has, so, you may want to consider that in your calculations).
P.S. I love that you had the balls to sign off your actual letter with the handle “Vivisected.” You are a true and utter piece of
LW#2: Dear Prudie, Last week I had some pretty significant dental surgery. I arranged for a coworker/friend to pick me up from the dentist’s office and to drop me at the bus stop that’s on his way home. Unfortunately, I don’t recall anything until after the bus ride. The coworker/friend says that I was sexually aggressive with him, even going so far as to stick my hand down his pants, causing him to have to pull off the road! He’s now very distant. Prudie, I don’t remember any of this! I am a gay man, but not aggressive, and I would never, under normal circumstances, anyway, treat anyone that way! I’m afraid that he now thinks I have a crush on him, which could not only ruin our working relationship, but what (if anything) is left of our friendship. What can I do? Help! Signed, Regretful Passenger
Dear Amnesiatic Anesthesiatic. This is a cruddy situation and there’s only one thing for it. Talk to the guy! Tell him what you’ve said here! The words don’t have to be perfect, just honest. Explain that you honestly don’t remember a thing. Point out that people do and say weird things all the time under anesthesia, and that those things aren’t always, or even often, accurate or indicative of anything. Apologize for your behavior, but don’t try to downplay it. Admit that it was probably really weird for your friend and offer that you’ll never ask him to pick you up from the dentist’s again! Further, and I think this is important, too, learn from this adventure that if you’re ever under anesthesia again, you need to have a better, more understanding friend pick you up---one that actually takes you home and ensures that you’re safe before leaving you! I’m disappointed that your friend dropped you at the bus stop while you were displaying such uncharacteristic behavior. Would he have done the same with a female co-worker? Or a hetero co-worker who perhaps had been making passes at/trying to grope women on the way to the car? That may inform you about where the friendship actually was with this guy. I wish you luck.
LW#3: Dear Prudie, I recently found out that my cruddy apartment is run by a man who used to deal in (and was convicted of) human trafficking. Some of it out of the very apartment I live in! He served time and was released. Now that I know this, I can’t stand to write the check to this animal every month. It seems morally wrong. What can I do? Signed, Repugnant-ized
Dear Judge Judy (or Jim). Look, I don’t know how you’re colluding your honest paying of the rent and this man receiving honest rent for an honest room with his past. Your paying rent for a room is simply that. It’s not supporting the sex trade. It’s not condoning this man’s past. It’s you putting a roof over your head. You can’t break the lease without taking a huge financial hit, so, either take the hit or don’t. If you don’t, move out when your lease is up. Who knows what this man actually did, though? What if he was falsely accused and just trying to make it in an honest living now? I'm not saying that's true, but, how/where are you getting your info? Gossip? Reliable sources? Whatever it was, provided you aren’t paying him for anything illegal (you aren’t, are you?), you are just a human being doing the best you can to get by. Further, if you have no indication that he’s currently running the sex trade out of your room (have you checked for cameras), you may be helping a man rehabilitate himself and become a productive member of society with a second chance (no promises there, but, it is possible). And, like it or not, that’s not entirely unworthy, either.
LW#4: Dear Prudie, with the birth of our third child, my husband and I decided that I should become a stay-at-home mom. It makes good financial and logical sense. The problem? Now that this change has occurred, my SIL (my husband’s sister) has started dropping off her kids in the evening for child care prior to heading for work. Her husband picks them up a couple of hours later when he gets off work. The SIL has started making noises about not signing up her kids for daycare this summer. I don’t get paid for this care, Prudie, nor do I expect to be, but, I am starting to feel like I’m being taken for granted. What should I do?! Signed, Not My Sister’s Nanny!
Dear Nanny, You need to talk to your husband and tell him that this won’t work. I don’t mean that you can’t talk to your SIL yourself, and explain to her that you’re happy to watch her kids every once in awhile, but that you cannot do it on a daily, or even a frequent, basis. But, your husband has to be in support, and, I have a sneaky suspicion that this was all actually his idea! He probably offered up your services because, you know, you’re now a “stay at home mom”, so, “of course you’ll have time!” If that’s true, he’s an idiot. Of the Tenth Order. Why don’t you have him care for all five kids for two weeks while you go on vacation? He’ll be singing his happy ass a different tune then, I guarantee it! So, ideally, you’ve got to get his support lined up and you two need to speak with his sister. With him in the lead and without any snide-ass rolling of his eyes. And if you sense even the slightest bit of resistance from him, you need to kick him in the nuts and just talk to the SIL yourself. But know that it’s your husband who should be supporting you in this. I wish you luck as this sounds deeper than just watching your in-laws’ kids.
Well, Shippers, that about does it for me! I’m looking forward (soon) to watching some episodes of “Connections” on YouTube! Do you guys remember that show?! Some believe it should be academically-required material for all kids. I say that holds for adults, too! :-) Here’s hoping that I have the time to curl up with a nice hot cup of coffee and watch all of them soon! Good cheer, Shippers! Fair Winds and Following Seas to you all!