From a Submariner's Perspective is a weekly column, written in response to the letters sent in to advice columnist "Prudie" at Slate.com. Each week, The Submariner responds to the letter writers in a way that Slate.com author, Emily Yoffe, probably can't (but perhaps would like to...). Each entry is headed with a link to the orginal questions and Yoffe's answers. Enjoy!

Also, if you have questions that you'd like answered by The Submariner, or anyone here at "The Fly", just write to me at smagboy1@gmail.com and I'll forward to the appropriate party/parties for an answer (or you can write to them directly via the e-mail addresses on their pages)! Once the answers are published, I'll drop you a note letting you know.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

...on Dancing, Destructive Boyfriends and Scabies

 http://www.slate.com/id/2258009/ (6/24/10) <---Original Prudie Letters Can Be Found There

Hey hidey-ho, Shippers! How in the hell are ya on this fine, fine Prudie Day? All here is wonderful! The sun is in full bloom and burning bright, but, not too, too hot. Sort of like the perfect mixture of light and heat, you know? And while I know these perfect conditions can’t last, I’m certainly enjoying them while they do! I hope that all’s well with you, too, Shippers! They clearly aren’t so well with the letter writers, though, eh? So, with that in mind, let’s get crackin’, shall we? But, before we do, I have a special bit of code for hrumpole that I find truly amazing: two days, 4-6, 6-3, 7-6, 6-7, 59-59. Wow!

LW#1: Dear Prudie, We have a strange form of employee recognition at my company. Whenever someone does something great (like a big sale, new client, etc.), they’re made to get up in front of everyone (we all gather in the lobby) and dance. Yes, dance! And this is purportedly for recognition, Prudie!? I’ve only been here for three months and I’ve been made to dance three times already. I’d much rather receive some time off, or a gift card, or, well, just about anything. And, fact is, it’s making me strive for mediocrity out of fear of being made to dance. What can I do? Signed, Yes, You Can Put Baby In A Corner!

Dear Baby, What a strange place you work! It sounds like you deal with high pressure sales with and extra side of slime. And while that’s so not my scene (and sounds as if it may not be yours), I understand that there are some people out there who thrive on that shit! I know, right? The way I see it, you have two choices: start looking for new work, or, if you think he/she will hear you and appropriately act on your concerns, talk to a trusted supervisor and tell them that you’re epically uncomfortable with dancing in front of everyone, and, that you fear of it's actually affecting your job performance. Either way, in the meantime, watch "Napoleon Dynamite". He’ll show you how to get your groove on in front of the whole office, even while maintaining your dignity. Mostly.

LW#2: Dear Prudie, I have the bestest, most greatest boyfriend in the whole world...but, he sometimes gets angry and takes out his frustration on inanimate objects. And Prudie, here’s the kicker. It’s over stupid, little stuff! Like, for example, he nearly destroyed a desk of ours because the computer was running too slow. While I don’t have a single fear that he’ll harm me (I really don’t), I do worry and am frightened when he acts like this. Because the threat is never toward me, is this something I can ask him to curb? When we’ve talked about it in the past, he says he can’t control it. That he sort of just blacks out with rage. What should I do? Signed, I Sometime Feel Like Cowering In A Corner

Dear Cowering, You may be amazed with what I’m about to say, but, what your boyfriend is going through is relatively normal (for a late teen, early twenty-something male). Not necessarily the breaking of things, but the white-hot, crazy, non-specific rage. Some people deal with it better than others, obviously. But, what’s not acceptable, ever, is the random destruction of your belongings. That’s a lack of respect for you and your things. So, what you point out to him is that if he wants to act like a Neanderthal and not learn to better control his emotions (which he can, and soon will), he’d better fucking learn not to break anything that belongs to you because you will not put up with it. Replacing it isn’t good enough because, frankly, some things just aren’t replaceable, and, fact is, you don’t want to replace your things. You want them intact. Make sure that he understands that it’s a matter of respect for you and that you’re dead serious about this issue. Let him know that it’s a deal breaker for you. Unlike Prudie, I’m not jumping to fear of your future kids seeing this behavior, I’ll just ask you how you’ll feel if he breaks your grandmother’s porcelain doll collection, you know, by uncontrollable blind “accident”. You deserve respect and that isn’t expressed only by him deigning not to hit you. Your property and peace of mind are also important to your emotional wellbeing.

LW#3: Dear Prudie, My dad had a stroke about a year ago. Prior to that, he was fully-engaged, functional and energetic. And though he still has all mental and speech faculties, he has been physically damaged beyond repair and requires 24/7 medical care. Two months ago, my mom died. This has been devastating, obviously, and, what’s worse, my siblings and I have found out that her death was avoidable! She was misdiagnosed and mistreated. Two of my siblings want to tell my dad about this error, two of us want to keep it from him, knowing what he’s already been through in such a short time. What should we do? Signed, Hard Choices Are Painting Me Into A Corner

Dear Choice Maker, There is no question. You must tell him. Yes, he has had a really shitty year. Yes, the news will upset him. Yes, it will likely put him into a hell of a funk. But let me be 100% perfectly clear. Finding out randomly that it was kept from him--perhaps from a stranger?! That news will devastate him, shake his trust in you, and fortify fears that he’s already grappling with that he’s a burden on you and your siblings. Do the right thing. And do not wait. This is more important than you can possibly imagine and I’ll chalk up your indecision on you and your siblings having been under a lot of stress this year, too. It’s clear your hearts are in the right place. Hang in there.

LW#4: Dear Prudie, Last weekend, my boyfriend and I hosted a small party. Our friend “John” was one of our guests. All went well. Well, the next day, I saw on some girl’s FaceBook page that she had scabies and that she’d gotten it at a friend’s house while sleeping in their guest bed--with John!!! I’m mortified and pissed beyond rage that John would come to our house with scabies! I want to drop him as a friend, and out him FaceBook via a letter to all of our mutual friends. What should I do? Signed, I Think John Needs To Go Stand In The Corner

Dear Thinker, I wonder how trustworthy this information is that you got? Did it say, “John and I got scabies”? Or, did it say, “I got the scabies when John and I slept together”? Or, did it (most likely) say, “John is an insensitive jerk face who broke up with me, and, oh, yeah, by the way, he gave me the scabies! Yeah, that’s the ticket!” Thing is, you don’t know shit. You have no clue, actually, unless there was a scanned, dated medical report stating that John had the guest riders. And, even if he did have scabies, what’s to say they weren’t already treated by party time? You can get prescription medication for that shit, you know? And, in less than a week, with just two applications, they’re gone. So, I’d suggest calming your ass down and taking care of your own business. There are all sorts of things you can do to greatly reduce your risk of getting infected if they are in your house. So do them. And quit being such an idiot. Oh, and, you know, if you want to drop John as a friend, just drop him. Manufactured scabies indignation and FaceBook letter bombs are like hanging a sign around your neck that says, “Get involved with me and you’ll be on a one-way ride into the danger zone! Enter at own risk!”

****
And that, Shippers, is that. I hope that you’re all having a wonderful day, week and month. What are you summer plans? What have you already done that was fun and exciting? Do tell! Fair winds and following seas to you all.

38 comments:

  1. Hey,
    Good advice Smag (esp. to LW4:D) although...
    LW2- have you told him flat out that he's throwing tantrums like a fucking four year old and that you don't find that shit attractive? I would. You might even say you wouldn't want to sleep with someone three feet tall who wets the bed and eats nothing but chicken fingers either. And if he continues to act like a fucking four year old and you don't feel like dealing with that shit for the rest of your foreseeable future together, tell him to take a hike. Life is too short for that kind of crap.
    LW1- hmm...now personally I would be tempted to just go to a secret hiding place during these "meetings". If someone asks where you were, just shrug your shoulders and smile mysteriously. After a couple of times of this happening they should get the picture that you don't care so much for their accolades. And if they keep pestering you about missing them, you could always tell them you just don't think they can handle your moves.
    Oh, summer...why can't it last all year? I took my first trip to Boston (for a week!) recently and fell in love with that city:) then down to the South Carolina coast for a week at the beach. Why didn't I choose a career that had more than 2 wks of vay-cay a year again? Oh well. I plan on spending the rest of the summer at the nearest body of water fo sho.
    Best:)
    J

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  2. May I add 3 days, final 70-68.

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  3. And, most excellent advice!! I especially enjoyed LW4

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  4. Hey, Smaggy man, sorry i is no write for so long, i am spending 6 months wastings my time look for the 'pirate' contractor, what a shitting goat !

    Hey, you know, one time i is beat my wife, i admit this, but i feel very sorry after, because, you know, she is already dead and AK-47 is tough but is no worth to risk the damagings.
    Oh, why is she die !! Why ? Why ? Why ?
    Why i superglue her eyes shut ? Why i push her into minefield ? Nothing makes sense any more to me !
    Is pity you is no see her dance, is very excitings, can you imagine dancing bag of potatoes ? God, I am so hungry !!!

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  5. G'day Smagster and the rest of the gang

    And M.L, 'ster, may I add Isner? ;-)

    OK, lets return to our little lost dahlings who need advice.

    But first,Smags, come here mate, apparently someone needs to kick your submerged butt a bit, maybe you'll return to your old self! What the heck is with this soupy/corny advice today?!?!?!? No profanities, no humour, no nothing, just some lukewarm advice... oh, the humanity!

    I'm not going to go through all of the letters, I don't want to hijack your column, but, at least let me smack LW1!

    So, instead of being happy that she has a job in this economy, and one that recognizes talent and effort, she whines about 2-3 dance moves that she has to bust out there while she's being cheered by her workmates! The woman is an idiot! There are worse things that could happen in a workplace, real tough ones like a bully boss, or dealing with backstabbing assholes workmates, and so on and she's outraged that she has to move left and right her sorry ass?! She announces smugly that in 3 month, as new employee, she got recognition 3 times so she already had to perform the dance 3 times and it's still hard to do it? I understand first time, OK, even second time, but by the third one all shyness should have been gone. Do you know what they recommend to people who are afraid of public speaking? Well, exactly that, to face their fear, to do so until they feel comfortable. Also, she never even tried to ask someone senior how did the dance become part of the company culture. She might have learned that people might be asked to dance exactly to feel a little bit humbled (not humiliated mind you) and not let the success go to their heads, as it seems it's gone to hers. Eh, tossing pearls to pigs...

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  6. Madd Libby beat me to it but ~ final 70-68 after 3 days and neither one gave up!

    Once again your advice is excellent, Smag.

    It was 113 here the other day and 101-107 most of this past week. I am so grateful for AC. I really enjoyed last night's thunder storm! My summer plans involve lots of lying around in the shade or the AC with books and cold drinks and grilled food. The Roswell UFO Festival is next weekend ~ there will be some very strange things happening here for sure. Our camper is almost functional and we plan to spend some quality time hiding in the Lincoln National Forest before summer's over.

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  7. I can't decide whether it was good or bad that they didn't finish late last night. The good part is that Isner didn't have to play a whole match today (I recall how fried Roddick was the next match after his extended fifth-set win in Australia against Younes El Aynaoui a few years ago), but the bad news is that his next opponent had a 16-14 fifth set yesterday and would also have been playing three days running; he seems to be at more of a disadvantage this way, and there's another match Saturday if he wins, then only one day off before Everyone-Plays-Second-Monday. Of course, that's assuming that the second round concludes the day it starts, which is far from a given...

    What really interested me today in other matches was not that Nadal went five sets (he has a five set match early more often than not, and for twice being down a set in this one had about as little stress as possible) but that he played a five set match in less than two and a half hours - very unRafalike. He has really picked up his pace of play.

    Anyway, I applaud the LW1-whacking and our host on Ls 2 and 4 - well-suited to the SB1 directness.

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  8. Confronted with no-win situation like this, LW1 has a fine opportunity to be known for having a sense of humor--how about five seconds of Swan Lake, or hopelessly bad tap dancing, followed by an elaborate curtsy? "'Nothing to see here, folks,' and you can't make a classy broad like me look foolish, anyhow."

    I say this is one who is very very fond of my dignity, but in this case, 'are you serious?!' should take the form of something parodic and wonderful.

    J, We've had some unusually wonderful weather in Boston of late. There's a lot going on here, and you can get to it all pretty easily (if you're not crazy enough to try to use a car). Glad you like it--come again!

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  9. I don't know. I don't agree with everyone on LW 1. I fucking hate dancing. There is no possible way I would dance for these people. I would just stand there and look at everyone like they're a bunch of assholes. If they asked me why I wasn't dancing, I would tell them I was. As long as you do the job you were hired to do and do it well who the fuck cares about all that other stuff. Are they going to fire you for not dancing?

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  10. No wait. Scratch what I said about standing and looking at everyone. I just got it. I would start body slamming people like I was at some metal show. If they got all pissed I would tell them that's how people dance and get all snobby and huffy about it. That would be funny.

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  11. Hey JayJay! Greetings and salutations! :-)

    Yepper, I think I'd be hiding during the dancing, too. Recognition should not be embarrassing to the person being honored. That's like tickling someone to the point of wetting themselves and then saying, "Well, you must have liked it! You were laughing!" Some people don't like to be up in front of crowds--and definitely don't like to dance in front of them! Oh well.

    Boston is a beautiful city. Too bad Curt Schilling had to play there and ruin it for me. ;-)

    Good cheer, JayJay! :-)

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  12. Hey, Libby! Greetings! Thank you for the final score! Can you believe that? Three freakin' days! Amazing!

    Cheers! :-)

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  13. moohammed, I'm so sorry for your loss. I had missed you, of course, and wondered what was going on. I'm glad that you're okay, but, saddened by the passing of your wife. Perhaps she has some sisters? Or perhaps Grace Park (she is a very pretty lady, I promise) would be willing to marry you? You would have to be very sweet to her, I imagine, but, you never know? Good luck and good cheer! :-)

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  14. Hey 'Roo! Oh wow! I can accept the claim of no profanity. I can accept the lukewarm advice claim. But the no humor dig?! ACK! That cuts me to the quick, 'Roo! Sigh. Okay, I'll try to ramp it up next week. Honest! :-)

    To be sure, though, I really felt bad for LW#1. I'm like the LW, in actuality. I would much rather have a Starbuck's gift card or even a couple of hours off on Friday, etc. Dancing in front of everyone doesn't do anything for me except embarrass and humiliate me. And bring pain to the eyes of anyone watching me! ;-)

    But, like you said, were I her, I *would* be appreciative of having a job! However, there's no indication that she's not. Only that dancing terrifies her. But, I do understand your points, too. Except the lack of humor one. Damn! ;-)

    Good cheer, 'Roo! :-)

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  15. Hey, Beckaroo! Welcome! I'm glad to see you here in the Lagoon!

    Oh my, I have to tell you that it has been my dream for *years* to attend the festival there. One day I intend to take several day's vacation and spend them there, checking out all of the local folklore, seeing the place for myself, camping out under the night sky, just being. Do I believe we've been visited and that there are daily abductions and anal probings? No. Do I believe it's possible, though? Absolutely. So, one day I'll make my tinfoil had and be there. Count on it! :-)

    Good cheer, Beckaroo!

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  16. Greetings hrumpole! Ahoy! I'm still amazed by tthat match. I've played a few games of tennis in my day. I enjoy it well enough. I can even appreciate watching it if the players are capable and volleys are exciting. But these two! Their serves were so strong that it was pretty much no broken serves! Craziness! Great if you're a fan of pure power, but, where's the finesse? :-)

    Anyway, here's to more exciting rounds. And fashion from Venus and/or Serena. :-) Good cheer, hrumpole!

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  17. Good thoughts, Cantahamster! I was thinking of the copious use of 'jazz hands'! ;-) I was pleased to read your post, thinking that those of us who found this sort of thing embarrassing were few and far between. :-)

    Good cheer! :-)

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  18. Hey Anonymous! I like all of those ideas, actually! And, like I said to Cantahamster, it's nice to see some folks in agreement that dancing in front of the whole group isn't necessarily all that fun, or rewarding! :-)

    Good cheer! :-)

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  19. Don't forget Maria Sharapova. I don't think we've seen a great fashion success since her version of the little black cocktail dress she wore the year she won the US Open. I'm not sure why Venus has become so adventurous lately. For a couple of years, she was wearing fairly conservative outfits from her own line, which was supposed to be for those on moderate budgets.

    One thing I've been wondering is why nobody is Mrs any more at Wimbledon. If Billie Jean was able to put up with being called Mrs King even in the middle of her galimony years, and given the successes of Mrs (Margaret) Court, Mrs (Chris Evert) Lloyd, and most recently Mrs (Evonne Goolagong, also the last mother to win) Cawley, one would not be surprised if Kim Clijsters were to expect more Wimbledonic karma going by Mrs Lynch.

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  20. Ahoy, hrumpole! Kudos on Ms. Sharapova! For some reason (and this is truly just an indicator of my ignorance) I thought she'd retired. I was just reading her bio and realized it was just an injury and that she's now ascending again. And yes, her version of the LBCD was divine. I remember it fondly.

    As for the Mrs. thing, I wonder if it's not that these women made their professional debuts and established themselves (and their brand--endorsements, endorsements, endorsements) as single women. And that's where their name recognition is. And so, after marrying, instead of changing their names and "rebranding", they keep the momentum they've built (and the financial juggernaut that's behind it)? Such that it's a purely financial consideration? Of course, it's now much more culturally acceptable to not take a husband's name as well, so, who knows what their reasons are? It is interesting to think about! :-)

    Good cheer!

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  21. Smaggy, am I the only one who'd enjoy the dancing? The truth is I'm a bit of a clown --well a lot-- and I wouldn't mind making my fellow workers laugh a little.

    I suspect the LW has a pretty shitty job, perhaps telemarketing? You need all the laughter and stress relief you can get or give in that situation. (I'm in the process of reading Elaine Viets "Dying to Call you". It's a murder mystery but it's hilarious and it also gives you lots of info about the job).

    Anyway. dancing and even emitting primal screams (my mode of singing!) is sooo much better than going postal, don't ya think?

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  22. Hrumpole, women these days want to keep their identity even if they're not celebrities, so they keep their names. In many European countries it has often been traditional to put the last names of both spouses together and hyphonate them.

    At any rate we now use "Ms" because like "Mr" it doesn't indicate whether the person is married or not. In French the term "mademoiselle" which was used for all unmarried women regardless of their age has been replaced by calling all grown up women "madame" just as all grown up men have always been called "monsieur" --so here's another solution equivalent to using "Ms"....

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  23. Smaggy, what I meant to say is that the dancing is probably a victory dance and the LW should take it that way and be proud of it, particularly in that jobs are pretty scarce these days.

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  24. Ahoy Kati! And greetings! :-)

    I'm certainly all for anyone dancing who'd like to do so. It's just that some people find the idea of dancing in front of all of their peers (they're actually called to the lobby!!!) completely mortifying! I'd think that allowing for the choosing alternative celebrations (like the gift cards, time off, etc.), with no repercussions for individual choices, would make for better employee relations.

    As for the French converting to madame for all grown women, I find this to be wonderful and appropriate.

    Good cheer, Kati! :-)

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  25. See...I'm not really a fan of making a fool of myself. Even less of getting up in front of groups. I've been able to handle it better in recent years, but what really started that change was in OWNING the ridiculousness when I was working for a Pizza joint a few years back. I found that if I initiated the heinously embarrassing stuff, I found it more humorous, and less humiliating. For example, running around like a Chimp clapping my hands overhead making "OOoh OOooh" noises. Now granted, you couldn't do something like that in this "victory dance" situation...but you could certainly do a touchdown dance, or an Elaine from Seinfeld...or even...the Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire, and take it from "gawd, how humiliating, I know I'm not good at this" to "heh, bitches, you made it happen, now SUFFER!!!"

    And that, I think is the key for this LW, if she doesn't want to rock the boat too much. She could, as was suggested, ask a more senior person the story behind what started it....and that could help her with understanding, or having an angle to suggest changing it, or she could simply choose to see it as more embarrassing for the people who enforce it, by making it a mockery with the type of dance done.
    Also, if she really doesn't want to, she could say she can't dance without music, then claim all music is the wrong type....

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  26. Oh, I don't dispute the general rationale - I just think it would be better karma for KC, who ought to have done better in this tournament than just reached the semifinals twice. I'm also a little perturbed with myself for not noticing exactly when it died out. I know the French Open was still addressing Justine as Madame Henin-Hardenne before her divorce, and I think she was called that at Wimbledon as well - and that was only four years ago.

    The French have always had great style. After the recent Mrs Norman's (I just had to insert that; they were lauded far and wide as such a Great Love Match and so much was made of her contribution to his brief resurgence in golf) first divorce, the French Open called her Madame Evert. Wimbledon can be forgiven for not being entirely comfortable with a great champion for divorcing an English husband.

    Interestingly, the non-Mrsing seems retroactive. The divine Evonne was actually in the Royal Box today and she (who won one W title before and one after her marriage) was called Goolagong with no mention of Cawley. Fair enough. Maybe they will do away with Mrs entirely. There's no really good reason not to change; it will just make me feel old.

    This reminds me of how much we know about everyone's personal life at Wimbledon, as well. It's not like figure skating, where Irina Slutskaya's second world championship made her the first married world champion in 70 years or some such, and one would never have known had Terry Gannon not mentioned it after she won. If one were to watch Martina Navratilova's dozen finals over again, it might be just as interesting to review the progress of the commentary about who (in what capacity) she had in the Friends Box. When Amelie Mauresmo reached the final, they really seemed to try to be downplaying the issue, which was a little sad, given that she was the first player to be out before winning her first major. And this year marks the 20th anniversary of the glorious Katerinagate...

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  27. Snark! Did someone say Snark was needed? I'll fill in for you SmagNicey...let me at em'....it's too hot for my Swedish genetic's...I need a cold compress...an ice cold drink with a pretty umbrella, and a cabana boy to watch sweep the pool....and a vacation in either Boston or the Carolina's would do the trick!

    LW 1...about the time the truck pulled up to the lobby and the Pole was being installed I bet my manager would be there asking question's right before the music began and my hired stripper hopped on the pole. As my gang of paparazzi snapped photo's of the manager to send along to corporate, it'd be the last dance. I hate so called motivational warm fuzzy sick bullshit. But I am hot today so a bit more aggressive than usual. Do forgive.

    LW Moron 2...Move it, move it, move it...dare I say that busting knuckles over some small life infraction is a sign of more to come? His pounding nature must stop. What Moron let him get away with it the first and second time? No one in their right mind would live with someone for any length of time in fear of what his tantrums would break? Don't we call that Walking on Eggshells...this is no way to live. Have some expectation's for yourself, moron.

    LW3...Sad. I think what we all need to learn here is that anytime anyone we love, including ourselves, is that we need a friend to be our medical advocate to watch all the professionals for the odd error that can occur and does occur. Sadly, we don't all know how to spot the effects of a stroke by identifying it within three hours and seeking medical attention it can be reversible. If in doubt do these things, the person should be able to raise both arms above their head in unison and at an equal level, have them stick their tongue straight out, if it curves to the left or right and they cannot point it straight then it's an indicator that they may have had a stroke, the other issue is speech, have them make any statement, any sentence, any oddity seeming abnormal may be a clue.

    LW4...Sorry, but don't come to my house unless you're sure you're totally, completely, assuredly, contagion and BUG free...just sayin. Killing those critter's from my understanding can take a ton of money and it's an all day event washing everything...Don't make me DEBUG MY ENTIRE HOME...THANKS FOR NOT STOPPING BY...asshole. Even if I was not hot I'd feel the same...completely ungracious about your bugs. Itching is not my favorite pasttime nor being dipped in bug killer for NO reason...asshole. Asshatt'in fool. Aw-fer-the- Love-a Mike if only I had a memory I'd remember more snarky terms. Anyone?

    I'm going to my room now for a moment to myself...;0(

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  28. herd"T"hinner decides to toss the gloves and rant vociferously thusly:

    I'll only comment about LW1 because the other letters bore me. Well, more like, not inspired me in any way.

    Basically I've had it to infinity and beyond, sick and tired, sick to death, and sick to infinite death and beyond.

    What, herdthinner, what?? First, nothing directed at specific folks here. It's just a general rant.

    This whole "the economy is tough you should be agonizingly grateful to have any job at all no matter what shit you have to do you whiny little shit" nonsense. Sick of it sick of it SICK OF IT.

    Every single job I've taken out of economic desperation has tied for second worst experience of my life. My *worst* experience was when I found my cat, dead of a car hit, blood seeping from his ears, one fine Thanksgiving morning 10 or so years ago. And the jobs I've taken out of economic desperation were just a babystep below that. Nobody is obligated to be "grateful they just have a job, any job," no matter what the economy is like. Nobody. When I was in those situations, I chose unemployment. I had to, or risk a total nervous breakdown. And folks on DP's Fray and/or Comments, cautioning LW1 to walk on eggshells around the boss, not rock the boat, blah blah blah - Fuck that. Not only would I stand with "anonymous" and not budge, if expected to perform a humiliating act - what it is is irrelevant - I would have words with my supervisor and go on the record as being unwilling to participate. No, not like the rant you're reading now. Calmly and professionally. But still: I would not go gentle into that good night.

    That said, like Kati, I'm a clown wherever I work (and beyond, I suppose), but on MY terms. One cannot point at me and go, "You! Perform! Now!" Positive results not guaranteed.

    Sorry about the rant, folks. It's more or less relevant to LW1, right?

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  29. Heh. T I just said IF she didn't want to rock the boat. I've got a job, that mostly is a great job. But. It's killing me with stress that's unnecessary right now. So I'm job-searching. But that's me. =-)

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  30. Libby, apologies, I wasn't intentionally referencing anyone's post here. It was a general rant about that kind of response to somebody's work-related gripe. Of course some would just see me as one of those whiny shits *because* of my rant. I actually have a very high tolerance for... I suppose "lack of job satisfaction" will do... but I also know what I will and will not tolerate at a job, and have rocked plenty of boats without negative repurcussions.

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  31. Heh, T, I just figured if it *was* in response to me, I'd clarify. I know where and what my lines are, and really, I only look to leave a job if it is costing me my sanity. That's something I value higher than cash, well, unless they offer me an obscene amount of cash, and then I can take the time in a nice padded room to recover afterward......

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  32. I have been doing my researches, and Wimbledon actually seems to be a bit chaotic (for Wimbledon). Venus' fourth round opponent Jarmila Groth was Mrs Groth (husband's name), while today Serena's opponent Li Na was Mrs Li (not husband's name). And I'm not certain sure, but I think I have heard Kim called both Miss Clijsters and Mrs Clijsters at different times. Now if only I could remember when they stopped putting Miss/Mrs on the scoreboard...

    I'm perfectly content with choice. When I was still umpiring matches in USTA junior tournaments, when calling girls' matches I'd offer the choice of Miss or Ms, and only once did a finalist ever opt for Ms out of several dozen matches. Quite often in the 14s (or the rare 12s), if a girl seemed nervous I'd have a little joke and ask her if she were married.

    The matches have been really instructive. Venus' fourth-round win was an excellent example of experience, as Mrs Groth matched her almost identically shot for shot (slightly slower serves, slightly harder groundies) until falling apart at 4-5 in the first set and 5-4 in the second. Lu-Roddick was a lesson in court positioning. With Roddick's return game off, he wended up well behind the baseline on 7/8 of his shots, while Lu was inside the court 3/8 of the time - throw in some well-executed stuff when it could have slipped away and - upset. And today Tsvetana Pironkova put up a shockingly routine-looking 6-2, 6-3 over Venus by producing a lot of classic dink-and-dunk. Too many women play the sisters and think they somehow have to outhit them; Pironkova hit tons of sliced forehands, which one almost never sees anymore, and Venus, used to power from her opponents, wasn't able to create all the pace often enough.

    I wonder what the odds were at the start of the tournament that only one of the semifinalists in this draw would be ranked in the top 20.

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  33. Miss T aka Herdthinner...

    I could not have ranted better myself...
    Way to Go...worth going the extra mile instead of the simple WTG...

    I'm only sad that you did not leave me one "term" of endearment to steal away with this time...fer the love-a Mike...

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  34. What, like Smagdiddlyumptious?

    It Smagged From Outer Space!
    ?
    Smag! Conquered the World!
    ?
    Of Smag and Smagability
    ?

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  35. Ahoy, Libby! Yepper, I think the key is in "OWNING the ridiculousness" of it. If you can. But, if you can't, or are uncomfortable trying that, I'm all for having a private, non-confrontational chat with the boss, explaining how you feel. Shouldn't hurt, right? :-)

    Good cheer!

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  36. hrumpole, don't feel old regarding the fading usage of the Mrs. title! Think of it as seeing a new beginning! :-) Or, as Libby would say, "own it!" :-) To me, it should be up to the player in question. At work, I see desk-top nameplates, door signs, e-mail signatures, etc., that run the gamut from no pronoun to Miss, Ms and Mrs. I'm always struck by the latter, because it is so out of fashion now. And, truth is, I have to stop myself from judging someone who chooses to use it (my mind wants to go to a place of "So, you're not your own person, then?"). Especially on the rare occasion when I receive an invitation from a Mr. and Mrs. John K. Doe. Wow! But, in the end, it is what it is.

    Things have certainly been interesting on the grass, haven't they? So many top notch names fallen. Are we seeing the beginning of the end for some, perhaps?

    Good cheer! :-)

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  37. Thank you for taking over for me, Debbie! I promise not to be Mr. SmagNicey tomorrow. At least I'll try not to be!

    Although, you did wonderfully well on the ol' snark-o-meter! But, I have to disagree on the buggies. I have a feeling that this LW is a drama queen and that what she found out through her investigations was less than reliable. Especially since she mentioned no sign of bugs in her house! I think she just likes drama for the sake of drama! :-) But, hey, we have to disagree on something, right? :-)

    Good cheer, Debbie! :-)

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  38. Amen, "T", you tell it like it is, Sister! Do NOT go gentle into that good night!!! :-) I like it when we get a little fire going here in the Lagoon! Keeps things crispy! :-) Rant on, T, rant on!

    Cheers! :-)

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