From a Submariner's Perspective is a weekly column, written in response to the letters sent in to advice columnist "Prudie" at Slate.com. Each week, The Submariner responds to the letter writers in a way that Slate.com author, Emily Yoffe, probably can't (but perhaps would like to...). Each entry is headed with a link to the orginal questions and Yoffe's answers. Enjoy!

Also, if you have questions that you'd like answered by The Submariner, or anyone here at "The Fly", just write to me at smagboy1@gmail.com and I'll forward to the appropriate party/parties for an answer (or you can write to them directly via the e-mail addresses on their pages)! Once the answers are published, I'll drop you a note letting you know.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

...on How Four Women in One Apartment Can (Sadly) Be Super Un-Sexy

http://www.slate.com/id/2250007/ (04/08/2010) <---Original Prudie Letters Can Be Found There

Hey hidey-ho, Shippers! How in the hell are ya on this fine, fine Prudie Day?! Holy smokes, what a day! We’re now fully ensconced in April’s warming temperatures, budding flowers, pollinated cars and porches and houses (if you’re “lucky” enough to live in pollen country, that is), and, just general spring goodness. Plus, we’re just over two months from summer and bikinis! And nothing makes a submariner smile like the arrival of summer and all of its accoutrements. Especially June! Now that’s a summer month! But that’s not why we’re gathered here today, is it, Shippers? Heck no! We’ve got letters! So let’s get crackin’, shall we?

LW#1:  Dear Prudie,

Listen, I share an apartment with several other women. It’s a financial-only arrangement, though. We don’t socialize and don’t even interact outside the common space in our apartment (and frankly, that’s fine with me, because these other little girls are all so skay-aa-aa-aanky). Here’s my problem: one of my roommates is pregnant, and yet still smoking a half pack a day?! And, too, she, like, has no college education! And, even worse, I suspect this baby was an accident! Listen, I’m all about respecting this little slut’s privacy, but, I’m wondering if I have some sort of moral obligation to say something to her about the smoking? See, I mean, I’m worried about my morals, and, if, like, I should be saying something to my roomie in order to get cosmic brownie points, then I need to know. It’s a hard question, though, ‘cause we all enjoy our privacy and stuff. So, what should I do?

--Non-Smoking (as far as you know), but Steaming Just the Same

Dear Steamy,

Okay, so, I can safely assume no one else in your apartment smokes, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought. You all smoke. All four of you. That’s why you’re fucking rooming together. So, let’s just not even go through this stupid-assed conversation, okay. You’ve already given yourself away. You look down your nose at her due to her education, due to her sexual habits (which are likely almost identical to yours at her age, but, lucky you, you either got lucky or went to the clinic to have that fixed, right? Right.). None of that is what’s at issue, though. What’s at issue is that you feel like she needs to know that she shouldn’t be smoking while pregnant. She shouldn’t be drinking or drugging, either, eh? But, until there are laws against smoking or drinking while pregnant, I don’t guess there’s much you can do. You want to anonymously drop some literature on the outer door step, by all means, go for it. You want to talk to her about it, but all means, do it. But don’t be taking a drag while you do it, okay? That’ll just serve to piss her off. And, before you do any of that, you need to know why you’re actually wanting to talk with her. It shouldn’t be about whether you have a moral obligation. It should be about if you think that you can help prevent a child from being born with physical disadvantages. Is that your concern? Or are you just worried about how the cool people will think about you if don’t say something? If it’s the latter, just say a few Hail Mary’s and you’ll be fine. Honest. Just ask the Pope.

LW#2:  Dear Prudie,

My daughter’s in first grade and has Asperger’s syndrome. Recently a girl in her class invited all of the girls in the class, except my daughter, to her birthday party. As you can imagine, my daughter was extremely hurt and confused by this obvious snub. Especially because she considers this girl to be a friend! Further, I’m pissed off to the point of homicidal rage because my daughter had a party just a few months ago and invited every girl in the class! And they all came! Including this little bitch who snubbed my daughter! I’m so angry that I’m tempted to e-mail the parents of this little cretin and give them an e-piece of my e-mind! Should I do it? Should I tell them what pain and heartache their cruel and hurtful and rude actions have caused (especially seeing as how their little runt came here for my daughter’s party)?!

--Non-Smoking (as far as you know), but Steaming Just the Same

Dear Steaming Mad,

Wow, two letters with the same nickname! What are the odd of that? Listen, even though I’m in danger of stealing hrumpole’s shtick, I have to ask you a few questions. How do you know that this evil little girl invited everyone in the class to her party? Might this actually be more like one of those deals where everyone in class has a cell phone, so your daughter wants one, too? Or like how everyone’s parents buy them Gucci purses for Christmas, or, how everyone has a crush on the new kid, Eddie? Or how everyone’s boobies have started coming in, except...wait, that comes later. Anyway, another question, and it’s one that I really want you to ponder. When you throw a party, do you do it because you’re hoping to share a good time with friends, or, do you do it to get swag, earn brownie points for being so fucking magnanimous, and in order to garner future invites to other parties? One hopes it’s the former-most reason, and that you’re teaching your daughter that practice as well, but, sadly, all indications point to one or all three of the latter reasons (and sadder still is that your daughter is learning every bit of how to deal with this situation from you). Finally, if you do contact the parents (and I suggest you do, and by phone or face-to-face, not via e-mail), please just be pleasant and tell them that your daughter wasn’t invited and you wanted to ask why, wanted to make sure that something hadn’t happened at school or other outings that caused them or their daughter to not want your daughter to attend? Did the girls have a fight? Etc. Explain that if that is the case, you’d like to know so that you can help your daughter better navigate life’s social wickets. And then thank them for their time. Sometimes, that’s the best you can do in life. Even if you know they’re lying to you. But, too, maybe your daughter was accidentally overlooked? If that’s genuinely true, the conversation will do wonders, but, any other reason, coupled with a mean, vindictive conversation that leads to a pity invite will hurt your daughter far more than it’ll help. And you and I both know that’s true, even if it’s hard to see at the moment, in the white-hot rage of seeing your child wronged. Hang in there and do right. You’ll appreciate it later. And so will your daughter.

LW#3:  Dear Prudie,

I’m 30, married, and completely head-over-heels, knocked off my feet, holy-shit-I’m-walking-around-all-day-every-day-as-squishy-as-can-be, in serious love/like/lust with a co-worker. And it’s been like this for over a year. I’m talking, Prudie, I can’t get him off of my mind. He knows that I’m married and has never made a move on me, never indicated anything other than friendly interest and professional courtesy. I don’t even know how he feels toward me, but I want to know! What should I do, let fate and nature take their course? Or stay in Hell in my current lame life?

--Non-Smoking (as far as you know), but Steamy Just the Same

Dear McSteamy,

What you’ve got here is what doctors (and those of who are completely unqualified but like to offer their advice anyway) like to call a symptom. The disease? Marital discord. I say that because you and Chester Von Makesmypantieswet have never even shared anything past work pleasantries, yet you're fantasizing about having his children in some sort of romance novel-esque, idealized perfection sandwich. If this had been an ongoing thing, if you’d been with him for years and already knew that he’s the greatest, most wonderful, incredible person ever, that would be different. But you barely know if the guy likes medium or fine point pens! So, let’s refocus. I’m not saying that you and your husband are irreparably broken, but, clearly there are problems. So, what you’ve got to do is talk with your husband. No, don’t tell him about Chester, or the wet panties, but, do tell him that you two have been distant and in a rut and that you no longer feel attached. Then tell him what you want. Speaking of, what do you want? I mean, if you want to have an affair with Chester, by all means, go ahead. But, you’d better do it with eyes wide open, Sister, knowing full well all of the hell that it’ll potentially cause (from fallout at work, to fallout at home and fallout among your friends and your families, etc.). If what you’re really after is something more lasting with someone more exciting, more engaging, more incredible than your husband, then, do me a favor and answer me this: did you ever feel about your husband the way you think you feel about Chester? Way back in those first days? If yes, go back to talking with your husband and tell him you want to find that spark again. That you want to reconnect! That you want to go to counseling if that’s what it takes. If the answer is no, though, if he was never that way and you were settling from the get-go, or if things due to non-Chester concerns are irreparably changed and that state can never be reached again (or never was), save everyone involved some trouble and just be honest with your husband and let him know that you need to leave the relationship. Again, do not mention Chester. I think you may find, upon closer inspection, once Chester’s no longer a fantasy, that he’s a regular guy and that he might actually have some flaws. Who knows? Maybe not. Maybe he’ll be even better than your fantasies? But he might also be completely disinterested. Point is, figure out what you want instead of asking Prudie what you want. Then move toward that goal in the safest, best way. And when you cheat with Chester, and you will try (I can tell), don’t do it in the Copy Room. That’s just sooooo tacky.

LW#4:  Dear Prudie,

One of my best friends is in jail, and will be for potentially two more years. When she got arrested, she asked me to care for her two pet Australian marsupials (think: giant flying hamsters). The long and short of it is that one of them died on me. You know, damn, Prudie, the fuckers go screaming around the house at warp speed, tearing up everything in sight and generally making a living hell of the place unless I’m paying them constant loving attention (though I do actually kinda like ‘em, you know, when they’re in their cage, where I keep them for far too long, most all of the time, even though they need to roam to stay healthy, because, well, what else can I do?). Anyway, I’d written to my friend telling her that though one of the little buggers was sick, it was getting better. But, after that letter, now that it’s died, I don’t know what to do or say? My friend is prone to depression and I don’t want to make things worse for her in prison. Should I tell her, or keep my mouth shut?

--To Lie, or Not to Lie (damnit, I so wanted to sign out Non-Smoking, but, it just wasn’t going to fit with the letter)

Dear Lying Liar,

Here’s the deal: there’s way more to your story than what you’re telling. I mean, holy shit, you’re barely telling us anything about any of this. And that’s fine. Whatever. Let me answer your question as if you weren’t totally leaving out facts left and right and then we’ll both pretend that did it for us, okay? Here’s what you do: just tell her. My first reaction was that you shouldn’t tell her, being as there’s nothing that she can do from inside the ol’ Gray Bar Hotel, but, after thinking about it, I realized that would only count if the pet was sick and she wanted to be on the outside to care for it. As it is, the pet is dead. It’s not coming back, so, tell her. If you don’t, I have a feeling she’ll sense something is up and that might make her worse than not knowing and feeling like on top of everything that you’re lying to her. Plus, if she’s tough enough to handle the pokey, she’s tough enough to handle squirrel death. Now, if you want to write back and tell us how the damned thing really got sick and what your relationship really is with this lady in jail, then, fine, we’ll talk more specifics. Until then, that’s all you get.

****
Well Shippers, sorry about LW#4, but, what can you do? I gotta go with what I got, you know? So, I have to share something with you before I go because it was the coolest thing ever! Remember last week, in the comments section (below) where we were talking about fried cheese on a stick? Well, guess what?! I had some! O.M.G.!! It was the greatest thing ever! I had fried cheddar and fried Monterey Jack. On a freakin’ stick! Shippers, I’m not suggesting it as some sort of daily activity, because, WOW!, but, if you have a best friend in the whole world, someone who’ll protect you and cover your back and who you trust with your life, take them with you and go get a few sticks. You need the friend with you as you experience this because your legs will go weak and you’ll fall onto the floor and you don’t want to be robbed of your cheese sticks when you’re lying there in that prone position! Plus, it’s just plain cool to eat cheese with your best friend (just remember to alternate the eating so that you’re not both on the groundin cheese-stacy!)! Remember the School House Rock song about how healthy cheese is? Alright shippers, enough of my nonsense! Until next week, fair winds and following seas to you all!

51 comments:

  1. OMG. Dammit. I need to get me some fried cheese on a stick now.

    And this week's column was full of so much win that I know I'm gonna miss some as I go...

    1st off "Non-smoker (as far as you know)" Way to nail it! Especially for LW1, but loved the segue through LW's 2 & 3!!

    2ndly this is an excellent point about the tip of the pens. I mean, this is crucial information. Plus, is he traditional ink, or gel pens? Inquiring minds need to know. Oh! I know, I want to do a survey on this very topic. I guess I'll have to start a blog for that purpose.

    3rdly (and lastly at this point) I love this line: "If she's tough enough to handle the pokey, she's tough enough to handle a squirrel's death.

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  2. Smag, here's my url for my blog. http://libbysrandomness.blogspot.com/

    Anyone who wants to come over and answer my silly little poll about pens is welcome! =-)

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  3. Smag, you nailed it with the birthday party issue. And it's possible the child's invitation got lost. I'm sorry the kid was heartbroken... it's happened to my children too. But there are reasons for these things that happen outside of malicious intent. Mama needs to chill.

    And as for the little married darling who's just dead gone on her coworker... you nailed it again. Her attraction to Single Guy is a sign that her hormones are alive and well, not a cosmic sign that This! Is! The! Guy! That initial rush is awesome, but a relationship is built on more than hormones. Plus, again, MARRIED.

    If everyone would just follow my little instruction book for life I'd be a much more calm woman. Just sayin'.

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  4. Hey Libby! And ahoy! :-) I like your poll and I have taken the poll! Here's hoping for some good conversation! :-)

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  5. Greetings Amanda, and ahoy to you, too! Yepper, that initial rush is cool, but, once you get to really know someone, work together through the tough moments that life throws at you, you find out a lot more about things than just the fantasy of good ol' Chester, the office stud! I don't think our LW will listen to us, but, meh, that's okay. Maybe she'll write later about how much worse things are with Chet the couch potato! ;-)

    As for you little instruction book, while I don't want to deny you your calm, if everyone did follow it, I'd be a out of a job here! :-) Let's agree to a happy medium, shall we? ;-)

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  6. SB1 - Please feel free to cross-examine whenever you feel so inclined. I wonder whether LW2 has either watched too many Lifetime movies or not enough of them, but I almost get a sense of a serial killer in the making; the only question is whether it will be mother or daughter. If the girls in question weren't 7 years old, it would remind me of the movie in which Miss Really Popular and Miss Not Quite So Popular are Bestest Friends until the boy Miss RP likes likes Miss NQSP better. Even though NQSP turns him down because she was trying to set him up with RP, RP's Mean Girl friends get RP to turn on NQSP. What I liked best about that one was the way in which RP's mother was so incredibly quick to turn on NQSP, even quicker than RP was, even though the mothers were supposedly friends - that was even better than the Nauseating But Righteous Anger of NQSP's mother.

    Perhaps the key to LW3 is why she suddenly sees herself as a Romantic Heroine Wannabe now. Maybe she knew quite well she was marrying Gordon Goodenough when she did it and now she's found Percival Perfect, or maybe she just had some sort of Shirley Valentine moment. And I have lingering doubts about whether she really thinks she could get Mr Perfect if she tried.

    But I am not going to waste any more thought on these people. I shall just add that it diverts me excessively that we should channel each other on the same day.

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  7. Smag, don't they call that mozzarella sticks? Man, fried cheese makes me long for fried, beer battered cheese curds. And only in Wisconsin will you get cheese curds. Everywhere else people are like, "Huh? What are cheese curds?" I'd drive 600 miles just for them!

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  8. Just had a discussion at my niece's 1st b-day party with my aunt who is from Wisconsin about how she recently went home to visit, and had deep fried curds at the fair, but it tasted different, since she hadn't been indulging in beer first.
    She said they were still excellent!

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  9. Ah, hrumpole, the ol' Miss RP and Miss NQSP movies! Ugh! And, as you point out, it's so often the moms' jumping right in the middle of the mess that truly elevates the situation to movie/cringe-worthy status.

    I will admit that LW#3 is a bit of an enigma. As you point out, she may very well have settled for Gordon Goodenough. But, too, she confuses me with her whole riff on being pretty hot herself and a non-bimbo. I didn't even address that in my entry because I couldn't really reconcile it. I mean, what, only ugly bimbos have affairs? But, being hot and a non-bimbo, what she's feeling is more real? But, for the most part, I think the Fantasy is the most powerful motivator there. And I fear that she's headed for disaster regardless of whatever she chooses to do to get through her current state of emotional turmoil... We'll see!

    Much good cheer to you, hrumpole! :-)

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  10. Greetings Nachtmusik! Well, yes, they're like mozzarella sticks. Only on steroids! :-) These that I'm speaking of are very different. They're like the diameter of a kielbasa and they're fully on a stick, coated in batter. I don't care for "raw" cheese, so, the thought of cheese curds would normally send me running the other way, but, I'll admit that, fried, they may sing to me like a small, beer batter fried angel. Who knows? ;-)

    Good cheer to you, Nachtmusik, and a heapin' helpin' of cheese curds to you, too! :-)

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  11. "Prudie, the fuckers go screaming around the house at warp speed, tearing up everything in sight and generally making a living hell of the place unless I’m paying them constant loving attention"
    Truly made me laugh out loud Smag:)
    OK, LW3- is it just me or do an inordinate number of people write to Prudie to get permission to cheat on their spouses? Personally, I'd like to see her cheat on her husband and then get dumped by both of them. Dumb b*tch.
    LW1- she already knows it's bad for the baby. period. If you bug her bad enough, you may be able to shame her into doing it in secret.
    LW2- recently everyone in my 5 yo nephew's sunday school class got invited to a party except my nephew. My sister did a polite little CSI and found out it was because my nephew has been hitting some of the other kids!! Def agreed, she does not need to fly off the handle with angry e-communications. Call the parent and politely inquire what the deally-o is yo.
    Ciao:)
    JayJay

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  12. Now I want some poutine! Dammit Smag, you and your cheese are going to KILL me yet!

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  13. Hey, LW2, coulda been worse--your kid could have been invited to a Fake party, like that gay teen in Mississippi! Talk about some ass-hat parents, if you'll excuse my bringing in outside material.

    But I think Amanda and JayJay are more to the point. 'Not everybody is popular with everybody' is one of life's little lesson, and needn't be a deal-breaker for a happy life.

    This is a trial post under this name, if it works, with Thanks and a Howdy to the SmagMeister.

    Welp, still a few bugs in the system (that is, my understanding of how Google works) --anyhow,
    Cheers,
    Cantahamster

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  14. herd"T"hinner disgorges thusly:

    Smag-icalifragilisticexpialadocious, well done as always. Like many here, I'm still gobsmacked that Slate bothers with having both "The Fray" and comments. But, I did sneak some peeks in both sections, and many echoed Anonymous's comment that, yes, Pregnant Ho KNOWS that smoking is bad for the kid. She just doesn't give a fuck. Make peace with that!

    I mean, it'd be easier to find a lost, primitive tribe of people who haven't heard of "Gilligan's Island" or of Arnold Schwarzenegger, than to find a woman who doesn't know that.

    I didn't read into the letter that they all smoke, though. Maybe they do, but nonsmokers and smokers CAN coexist, so it didn't occur to me.

    My mom smoked while pregnant with all of her kids, and we turned out fine.

    My mom smoked while pregnant with all of her kids, and we turned out fine.

    My mom smoked while pregnant with all of her kids, and we turned out fine.

    LW2 - she reminds me of my sister. The Raging Inferno Mama Bear Lioness Tigress Tasmanian Devil Who Dissed My Baby?? part, that is. The main difference between LW2 and my sister is that my sister doesn't pause in her actions at all, but barrels ahead with the emails, angry confrontations and other hooha with any other mom that slights her child. OR... who doesn't care enough to intervene when there's a Clash of the Children.

    And always - ALWAYS - feels justified. That side of her is really scary. Fortunately it doesn't come out often.

    Anyway, I'm with C. Not everybody is popular with everybody. And let's cut the PC crap here: kids are uncomfortable around "different" kids and don't know how to deal with them. That could be a reason for the snub, as much as it sucks. Adults are little better about such things.

    LW3 - if you want to label your own sex as fucking nuts, does that make you sexist? "Let fate and nature take their course." Gawd!


    By the way, my mom smoked while pregnant with all of her kids, and we turned out fine.


    LW4 - I'm having fun thinking of a major "revenge" movie about a woman who went to prison for a crime she didn't commit, whose sole, tiny sliver of hope and humanity was contained in the love she had for her little pet sugar babies, or whatever they're called. Then when her best friend betrays her by slaughtering the pets in a drunken stupor, she goes on a rampage after getting out of prison. Of course the climax takes place in the woods during a terrible rainstorm, where the thunder and lightning occur simultaneously, and our two main characters are locked in a ferocious battle to the death!

    ...until the incredibly shocking resolution!


    PS - where do you even get fried cheese? Do I have to go to a fair for that? I don't like fairs. Unless it has The Zipper, the most bestest carnival ever.

    PPS - My mom smoked while pregnant with all of her kids, and we turned out fine.

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  15. Smaggie, what's with that fried cheese? Does it has to be on a stick? Can I just dump some in the deep fryer and stick a fork in it and eat it? Does it need to be breaded first? More info please, so we can all find nirvana.... (you would have been crazy about my mother's cheese croquettes ...)

    Are these sugar pets really giant hamsters? and how sharp are their teeth? Scary!

    As for the woman in lust, sheesh! Happens all the time --lusting, that is. I mean offices are sooo boring, so how else to entertain yourself but with a bit of fantasy? I read somewhere that human beings think of sex every 15 seconds -- must be when they're a lot younger than I am though?

    You're right about the copy room. I'd suggest the closet with the cleaning supplies (not the one with the office supplies, you might bump into some other lustful office people getting it on...)

    As for smoking while pregnant, I'm with Heard T'hinner. "My mom smoked while pregnant with all her kids and we turned out fine" --well we didn't turn out totally right but it isn't due to the smoking, I'm sure... (actually I'm fibbing, my mom didn't smoke...)

    You know in France they tell pregnant women to drink one glass or two of wine every day. But on no account, absolutely not, eat any lettuce. There's something in it (can't remember what) that will cause terrible harm to the fetus.

    My understanding is that you have to be a heavy drinker to cause fetal alcohol symptoms, and a heavy drinking father can cause it too because the drinking affects his sperm just as it affects a women's ovum.

    When I was a kid, if a woman gave birth to a deformed baby the father was immediately suspected of being an alcoholic, because women couldn't be alcoholics! Blimey! (as the sugar glidder might say). Of course now it is known that women can drink as much as men, but in the US when alcohol fetal syndrome was rediscovered and the literature did show that it could be given to the fetus by either, or both, men and women at the time of conception if they had been drinking heavily regularly, within days it became only women and pregnant women came under the gun if they as much were found in the same room as booze... go figure!

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  16. Smag,

    Pure genius, as usual. I especially like your take on the Aspergers child. I liked Schuyler's answer for that too, as parents of children with issues like that need to accept, and help their child to accept, that life is not always going to be easy and social things are always going to be hard.

    BUT, you were so on target with that as well!

    You've got me jonesing for fried cheese. I've never seen it here. We have mozzarella sticks, but what you are talking about sounds more decadent---crunchy, right? In a 'more fried' kind of way. WOW.

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  17. Hey there Jay Jay! And ahoy! "If you bug her bad enough, you may be able to shame her into doing it in secret." Now *that* is insightful! You nailed it. ;-)

    And thanks for the story about your nephew. We could all do with some of that wisdom.

    Cheers! :-)

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  18. Messy, I had never hear of poutine before. I just looked it up. OMG! And here I thought KFC's new Double-down anti-sandwich was manna-like! You have upped the bar! Could I add mayonnaise to poutine?

    Good cheer! :-)

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  19. Greetings Cantahamster! And welcome! It's fine to bring in outside material! That whole prom situation pissed me off so badly that I couldn't see straight. I'd like to see a few school officials fired and a few parents randomly squirted with a fire hose on full over that one. And the kids who helped keep it under wraps and who didn't clue her in? May they live a life free of sexual, cultural or emotional diversity with no struggles or heartache or fear. Ever. May they never experience anything of interest other than what their own insular little town has planned for them. And may they go to their graves haveing never been challenged to expand their horizons. Ever. Amen.

    Good cheer, and welcome! :-)

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  20. Smag, The Boy recommends garlic aioli on the poutine.

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  21. Hey there herd'T'hinner! And greetings! As for women smoking and their youngin's coming out okay, I will refrain from commenting, only because, as I'm not a doctor, all of my experience and knowledge is anecdotal. But, I will *guess* that there is a whole spectrum of experience out there, and that, like all things in life, smoking is going to affect some people differently than others. If I've learned anything in life, it's that, other than oxygen and sustenance, human needs vary as often as Alex Trebek attempts to "correctly" pronounce words in their contextual linguistic manner, often resulting in hilarious buffoonery! Ah life! :-)

    I LOVE your description of the movie based on the experiences of LW#4! Write it up! I smell a smash hit novel with movie rights and red carpet premiers! :-)

    As for the fried cheese, I'm sure that you can get it at fairs and such, but my most excellent experience was at a specialty shop in the food court of the local mall. Sadly, I don't remember the name of the place (I'm old and my mind was softened by the cheesy goodness). But, the deal is that sitting there, right in front of you, are various containers of sticks with long, luscious chunks o' cheese on them. You pick the ones you want and the cheese barista dips them in batter and then drops them in the fryer and then hands them to you piping hot with a warning to "be careful--that's hot!". It's pretty close to Heaven. Just sayin'. ;-)

    Good cheer,'T'! And, by the way, how was the last day at work? :-)

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  22. Greetings and ahoy, Kati! After your brilliant reversal on your mom's smoking while pregnant (or not), I don't know which of your pearls of wisdom to trust and on which ones you're pulling our collective legs?! :-) Could be my jet lag (I'm traveling, and new time zones are always a bit of a struggle in the first few hours--but I have coffee, so, no worries--I'll be back in the land of the living in no time!). I'm most curious of your lettuce example, but, your description of fathers causing FAS is also fascinating! I'll be looking into all of it, and thank you for the good stuff to ponder so early in the morning. :-)

    I hope that all is well there with you and yours! Good cheer!

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  23. Greetings Bella! Ahoy to you! :-)

    On our young would-be party goer, I chose to ignore the Asperger's portion all together. Not because I feel it worthy of ignoring, but because, in this case, it seemed irrelevant in that the could be so MANY reasons why this child was not invited (or seemingly not invited--I'm secretly of the opinion that it was the intention to invite her and something was lost in translation). But, regardless, I think the advice stands. :-) I'll have to check out Schuyler's take next. I'm way behind on my posting and reading due to the travels.

    Regarding the cheese, please see my post (above) to herd'T'hinner. I will try to run down the name of the story, but, you are correct. Lightly crunchy and firm outside. Soft gooey cheese for the innards. ;-)

    Good cheer and a wonderful weekend to you, Bella! :-)

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  24. Garlic aioli on the poutine, Messy?! Now who's killing whom?! Oh my! :-)

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  25. Ahoy there, my Captain! As if the mention of our beloved fried cheese wasn't enough to lure me from my kelp beds ~ now y'all gotta go trotting out the poutine! Would you like to see the SoCal version? Silly question...

    http://www.badmouth.net/in-n-outs-secret-menu/

    You'll want to scroll down (if you can get past that "Animal Style" burger without tangenting off into the ether in yet another screaming paroxysm of orgasmic joy courtesy of Mermaid) to the "Fries, Animal Style". There's the stuff of legend, right there, mon amour. Fries with melted cheese and grilled onions and secret sauce. And don't you DARE call it Thousand Island, mister! ;)

    Now, I don't know the name of the place where you got your cheese on a stick, Smagpie, but out here in SoCal we have a local favorite (and I don't know if maybe you might want to go run get one of your super dooky-looking "Rhino Mach 5 Analprobe Deluxe" pens to write this down so you'll remember, cuz it's a little tricky, but...)and it's called "Hot Dog on a Stick":

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_Dog_on_a_Stick

    Folks, my habit is to start with one pepper jack fried cheese on a stick and follow that up with a cheddar fried cheese on a stick for dessert, and wash it down with a fresh lemonade. But, if I'm eating healthy for the day, I'll start out with a hot dog on a stick with plenty of mustard, followed by the cheese(s) on a stick.

    Now, for all you uninitiated out there, first ~ my condolences. Second ~ the most accurate description I can give you of the glory that is Cheese on a Stick is that the batter deep fries to a crispy yet tender shell that's just firm enough to hold the now-completely-melted cheese within it. You aren't so much eating that fried cheese as you are DRINKING it ~ letting the warm cheesy oily ooey gooey goodness perform foreplay on your tongue and then slide down your throat reminiscent of that description of the four-course meal in a stick of gum that Violet ate in Willie Wonka. The book, not the scary movies.

    Btw, I hear you, Smag ~ Spring can't pass quickly enough for Mermaid this year! My allergies are making me want to take out my eyeballs and rub them on the rocks because that's the only thing that's going to scratch them enough to stop this maddening itch. I actually put a little Noxzema in them this morning because the burn of the Nox is preferrable to the itch from the pollen! So it's back to the kelp beds on my side of the Lagoon until it passes, Dear One, where I shall languish until your return. O hurry, summertime!

    Oops! Almost forgot! Nice work on the letters as always, Diving Buddy! ;)

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  26. herd"t"hinner opines:

    I'm the odd animal out here, for not salivating at all these descriptions of fried cheese. Like I said, chicken is one of the few things that I like fried. Cheese was never one of them.

    -----------
    What I can't get is the mandate against Caffeine for preggos. Diet Colas 'n' me, we're like Charlton Heston and his guns: you'll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands. Mom smoked, Britney boozed, and I would chug-a-lug Pepsi as my main source of hydration, like I do now. So there.

    (by the way, I suspect no one got my joke vis-a-vis repeating "My mom smoked while pregnant..." a bunch o' times?? Or it was so funny, y'all forgot to laugh)

    Last day of work (Friday):
    I still tried to be useful to the team. Lots of braindumps, talks, last-minute training and updates of documents. I helped colleagues prepare their data for the product demo (I have - sorry, HAD - admin powers on the DB server), and stuff like that.
    We met for 15 minutes in a room and had cookies and chatted. Handshaking, best wishes, etc. Cookie Time was 15 minutes instead of 30 because my boss was freaking out about the product demo, which was due in 15 minutes, even though HER boss wasn't freaking out at all, and was like, "Whoa, chill. Let these people hang out a little, OK?" but to no avail. My colleagues were tanned, rested and ready, you know?

    At the end of the day I walked to the train station with the other Quality Assurance gal on my team. My partner, for lack of a better term. We talked about our futures. Turns out that SHE gave notice, too, and is leaving in two weeks. Her reasons are sound. Then, hugs, promises to recommend each other on Linkedin, parting.

    And now... Today!
    Learned an interesting thing today. See, there was a final reunion of my former Lunch Buddies group from work. Some had been laid off in November, and we'd been keeping in touch. Only one of the Buddies is still at the company, now that I'm gone. We were having lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, and she said, "I shouldn't tell you this (about work); it may hurt you." Of course I simply HAD to hear whatever it was. She was told that, during Cookie Time, my old QA partner told the person who was shuffled around to replace me, that I "did nothing" on the team. The person who's replacing me told Lunch Buddy this, that is. Lunch Buddy had always trash-talked the woman, but I'm a "believe it when I see it" type about people. I treated her as though I'd heard nothing - you know, professionally - and as far as I knew, we'd ended up being solid partners. We even became really good about reading each other's moods. I guess not in my case, then! She couldn't have said anything to our boss about me, or I would have heard it. Oh, yeah, I would have.

    Anyway, my reply about all that: "Huh. I guess I WON'T have her as a reference, then." I won't pretend that she didn't do more pure software testing than I did, but that's because my role for the teams - two teams total for the project - was slightly different than hers. I had my own stuff to test, but was also the admin/support rep for the testing environment, prepared test records, and was the teams' trainer for the new application we were using for creating and running our tests. I also chased the showstopper defects that seemed to occur every other day.

    Anyway, for the rest of today with my Lunch Buddies, I co-opted the "did nothing" thing and incorporated it into various jokes.


    Aquaman, I apologize for getting off the subject of pregnant, fried cheese that smokes.

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  27. I bet if you ate some fried cheese the did nothing thing would stop circling your brain. =-D

    Just kidding. I hope things work well for you!

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  28. Oh, meow! Herdthinner, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here ~ but your former Lunch Buddy doesn't sound very nice! You must beware people who are in such a hurry to deliver hurtful news to you, dear! I don't know the woman, it's true ~ but I'd suspect her motives for feeling like she needed to tell you this ~ if indeed it happened. Who and what did it benefit? All you have is her word to go on, after all. How well do you know your Lunch Buddy vs your former partner? Which one do you trust more? She's been badmouthing your partner from the beginning and you've always had good relations with your partner, so what does that tell you? It sounds like your Lunch Buddy wants to cause some mischief and is counting on the fact that you probably won't ever call to confirm this story with either your former QA or your replacement ~ so now you probably won't be giving her a good recommendation because you think she isn't going to be giving you one now ~ wow! that's a lot of mayhem to cause a lot of people with one little rumor. I'm just saying! She sounds like trouble. She also sounds like she knows your Achilles heel and knows just how to get to you, otherwise you wouldn't feel like you had to defend yourself here about doing nothing, which you don't of course. We're on your side, hon!

    I'm not familiar with Linkedin. Is it possible to see if your former partner recommends you on there like she said she would? There might be part of your answer about what really went on.

    Herdthinner, I totally hear you on the fried chicken. That's a big weakness for Mermaid also, and my guilty pleasure is Banquet Frozen Fried Chicken until the bastids started removing the wings from the package because suddenly wings were yuppie finger food. Anyhoo, the Lagoon has been abuzz with talk of the new Double Down from KFC, which is two fried chicken breasts sandwiching a filling of bacon, two kinds of cheese, and a mayonnaise-based special sauce. Sounds to me like the solution to world peace in the palm of your hands ~ common ground, as it were. A little something for everyone.

    Welcome home, herdthinner. Mermaid is so glad you're back! ;)

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  29. Greetings MM, and many Ahoys to you! I am so glad that the talk of gooey, melted cheese and and poutine has lured you out of your kelp bed! It is always a wonderful treat to have you visit this side of the lagoon! :-)

    Your description of cheese on a stick is exactly in line the what I consumed. Now, sadly, I can't remember if that the name of the eatery where I was treated to the lovely, cheesy, goodness, but, there *were* hot dogs on a stick there! So, perhaps it is! :-P

    I am so sorry to hear about your allergies, MM, but, I strongly suggest that you do not remove your eyeballs and scratch them on the rocks! Differences in anatomy of mermaids and humans aside, I can't imagine that's a good idea, even as soothing at it may sound!

    Here's hoping we get to the lovely summer soon!

    Good cheer, MM, and many splashes your way! ;-)

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  30. Greetings herd'T'hinner! I'm glad and sorry to hear about how your last day went. :-( Glad that you did have some time with workmates and that you were able to get turn over done, etc., but sorry to hear about the nastiness.

    And, FWIW, I agree with MM. I would certainly take with a grain of salt what your lunch buddy had to say! Partially for EXACTLY what MM said when she mentioned that you sounded a bit defensive about having done very little for the team there. As I was reading your post, I thought, "Damn, 'T' is sounding really defensive--this got under her skin but good!" Whereas, with me (and please understand that this is just an example), that particular comment (that I don't do any work) would have induced in me a deep belly laugh. However, if my lunch mate had said, for example, that that my co-worker believed that I'm too young for the position/level of responsibility that I hold, well, I'd likely get quite defensive--and pissed off, and angry! And, too, I'd be more likely to react to the statement more on emotion than on logic (ahem, can you tell that I *just might* be speaking from recent experience...that fucking bastard!). So, please take with a grain of salt (or three) what your lunch mate had to say. We *know* that you’re great! :-)

    Good cheer and good moving! :-)

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  31. Oh! And Libby's cheese comment made me remember (after I stopped drooling about the cheese--again) that I wanted to point out that I understand about the fried chicken! I love it, too! :-)

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  32. Hey MM! "The solution to World Peace in the palm of your hand..." Sigh. :-)

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  33. herd"t"hinner continues the disgorging:

    Well, it's right in line with my personality type: Fightin' words for me is questioning my intelligence, my work ethic, or my competence. Ironically, I get irritated when complimented for the same, if/when it comes from somebody that I don't respect. My now-former boss, unfortunately, had that distinction. Just as well that I'm leaving, right??

    But what Lunch Buddy doesn't know is that I would be perfectly fine with giving a good endorsement on Linkedin to Former Partner, if she asked. The reason is that she's highly skilled, focused, and competent, whether she badmouthed me or not. She can get worked up about things and tends to hoard work, but you leave that job-offer-killing stuff out, anyway. Plus, I know that Lunch Buddy hates Former Partner. But yeah, buttons were pushed.

    MM, Linkedin is a business networking site. You upload your professional experience - i.e. your resume - join professional groups, recommend each other, create networks, etc. Recommendations are usually solicited and can be accepted or rejected by the recipient. People rarely write out recommendations without prompting. Same with me; I don't plan on suddenly sending Former Partner an endorsement, unless she asks.

    And remember that while I will always love fried chicken, I won't let myself eat it anymore. Such is life.

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  34. Greetings! Part 1

    LW1...the roommate that wants to comfort her conscious (you nailed it Smaggie) by interfering with a pregnant woman. After she has the conversation enlightening this young woman, will she then follow up demanding the woman sign up her newborn for the highly criticized government controlled immunizations to keep her baby safe? How far is she willing to go? Will she be then touring all the baby toys for choking hazards, or adjusting the car seat to meet transportation standards?

    And what about those of us that are here that did grow up with smoker's present, with some drinking going on, without seat belts or car seats, gosh, we even ate hot dogs while standing up in the back seats of cars! On sticks! Waving sticks while bouncing in the back seat like a projectile. OMG, the list is endless of what we survived, DDT, Thalidomide, Radiation exposure...and so much more that we don't know. 70% of birth defects have no known cause. There are too many variables to think that monitoring smoking is going to have an impact. Do I believe that the Tobacco Giants need to be brought down, yes, easily for the addition of addictive ingredients to what once was simply tobacco.

    LW2...Good advice Smaggie. It's hard to know why things happened the way they did and finding out more would be a good direction to go instead of going ballistic without on the entire school board, your child's entire world outside of her own home.

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  35. Part 2
    LW3...My favorite you know. One more moron, needing a huge lesson in Men 101 besides the obvious fact that she has forgotten she is married. The first clue that entertaining feelings for some cute guy at work will cause you grief is...wait for it...you are married, you have someone at home that you've promised, yes, committed yourself to that you will be their one and only. Since I am married, and I've seen those cute guys over the years, this is an easy starting point for me. Lesson 1 don't ever forget you are married...because forgetting will cause not only you great harm but your husband, your children, their grandparents, go ahead and count all four if you have them, add in the Aunts and Uncles...and you've just listed several people your behavior can cause great harm to....OVER A CUTE GUY. Did you get that? And my next question is...why did you get married if you can't remember you ARE married? Got an old head wound?

    Lesson 2, there is always a cute guy at work, Mr. McCharming, everyone loves to death no matter your age, he charms the grandmother's, charms everyone, even men. He's like me, he's playful, his nature is happy, sees the positive more often than negatives, open to different opinions, sets and achieves goals, financially responsible no whineing about his life, bills are paid, got savings, car runs, he can afford gasoline no matter how high the price, his toilet never backs up onto the floor because he knows how to crank the water shut off like a maniac, likes dogs, cat's and flying hamster's (not that he'd ever cage and exotic animal let alone a bird), fun to be around and since he goes to the dentist regularly he's got a great smile! Why, because he has decided how he wants to walk through this life, with meaningful standards that protect his happiness in the life he's chosen. He hasn't hit on her for a reason. He has rules to live by and I suggest this married woman get some rules or at the very least remember she married a great guy that lives at her same address, some really cute guy. If this woman sat back for one day at work and watched this cute guys interactions with everyone in the office she'd see, he's simply happy and moving through his day being kind to everyone. Let's smack her with that rolled up newspaper! She's another one that will have copious amounts of alcohol, then be absolutely startled, to find her vagina out playing, her legs in the air and will be clueless how it happened. Let's all smack her again!

    I come from a perspective of having both parents divorced three times. My sister has been divorced three times, she's on an 8 year turnaround. If I count up all the people I had as family members we'd all be floored by the amount coming and going. The were unable to set any type of goal for their lives, they just fell into whatever emotion granted them their one time rush without thoughts about how they wanted to live over time? Not one of them had any clue about the hard work required before marriage to find a compatible mate, the women, they were stuck in the dreamy world filled with that one thought...does he like me...will he call me...blah, blah, blah. I don't think at any time they asked upon dating, do I like him, do I want him to call me beyond the superficial, he's a cute guy! Sheesh, I need cheesy bits.

    LW4...How is it that the human species behind bars could not possibly understand that an exotic species behind bars can die?

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  36. love this group of people. Fun, smart and who can't resist a group who loves food on a stick! This week I've learned so much about Pouting, who knew? I can only imagine how a plate of french fries, onion gravy, & curds would taste.

    Luckily we have a Creamery in the area that is an award winner for Blue Cheese and other assorted Cheesy bits, and they sell the lovely squeaky curds if you beat the rush to their door. I've a very funny but very long story about my experience getting Whey from them to feed piggie's.

    Herdthinner...I loved, loved & laughed at your repeated...mymomsmokedandweturnedoutjustfine! I've so much more to say. Wouldn't it have been oh so nice if you could have given your co-worker's a sparkling smile complete with a nice Hollywood wave as you departed in your limousine for California. I am sorry that did not happen. And cookies....at the least don't you think one big wonderful cupcake was in order? I mean really, what's up with these people? I don't know what the fashion is these days but cookies were way down on the celebratory list somehow, and I don't know how long you worked for this company but they failed in my opinion on the well meaning goodbye.

    After your contribution's to the team how rude to now think of yourself as doing nothing due to some new person repeating what they may be too new to understand. That statement could have been anything from, she didn't do anything before 5 am, she didn't do anything the day we were snowed out, she didn't do anything on her days off.... all the way to...she didn't do anything to her hair, she didn't do anything at lunch today.

    I'm sending you a Cheesecake filled Chocolate Cupcake with a wee bit of Raspberry filling....on a stick! In hopes that as quickly as they sent you off with a bad taste in your mouth that you'll soon be welcomed to California while basking in the sunshine without a care in the world...doing simply nothing and celebrating that fact! And when you are, give a Hollywood wave in good riddance of those left behind, elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist! ;o)

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  37. My mom smoked while pregnant with all of her kids, and we turned out fine.

    This will have to be my last post for a while. Post-arrival I won't have my PC with me yet - it'll be on the truck - so I'll be borrowing Mom's laptop. Nay, I don't have my own laptop, but a bulky tower. I'm an old-fashioned goil!

    "After your contribution's to the team how rude to now think of yourself as doing nothing due to some new person repeating what they may be too new to understand"

    Wait - I'm rude? I co-opted all that Do-Nothing stuff and made it a joke for the rest of the day. Lunch Buddy has/had 3 years on me. I agree with you that it could also have just been "Operator." Person 1 told Person 2 who told Lunch Buddy - who hates Person 1 - and then told me.

    Speaking of Hollywood, I hope to end up in the Glendale/Burbank are so I can Serve the Mouse. That is, live and work in the area (at "Pays the bills" jobs), which is near my oldest friend, and keep trying, trying, trying to work at Disney's corporate offices. Disney is... ahem... NOT an easy hire. They post jobs for show, know what I mean? So, ah, anyone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who works there, drop me a line, 'k? herdthinner@hotmail.com

    No "work as a costumed character" jokes, please! We spirits are frightfully sensitive to mobile hotboxes.

    My mom smoked while pregnant with all of her kids, and we turned out fine.

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  38. Just for the record, school house rock was primarily grammar and social studies. The healthy stuff was from one of the less-memorable successors. Less memorable mainly because by then all the channels were compelled to have "educational" programming for kids, which is why the "major" networks don't have Saturday morning cartoons anymore.

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  39. We have the saying here, Mr Smagman, that if you can set fire to something you can smoke it - my friend 'Crazy' Ali is enjoy smoke the rat - but my mother is very conscious with the health. She is no ever be smoking, unless you count time she is step on the Russian landmine.

    You know, this mine is blow her ass through her face but she is still no look bad for the Afghan woman.

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  40. Herdthinner....I think a comma could have been useful in my ramblings or maybe I needed an entire new sentence. My thoughts were...how rude of them...not you. I'm having an off week stumbling along with my thoughts, it began last week with this nasty pimple appearing in the fold in my ear, how rude was that? Add that to my lack of cheesy bits and there you are....I'm going silent until I feel more myself. I hope this is not a new me that I need to embrace and learn to love. Sheesh.

    I must add that I hired people because they kept coming back and coming back so I knew their face, knew their name and I knew they wanted the job...so you've a great idea in trying, and trying. Show your face in that office every week until they hire you, do it beyond when you begin to feel like they will never hire you, keep going after you feel like all hope is gone. I've seen this work.

    Best of luck! Happy trails....;o)

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  41. Greetings Debbie, and ahoy to you! You know, I was waiting for your take on LW#3! I knew that you knew what to tell her. :-)

    As for your good wishes to "T", you said, "I'm sending you a Cheesecake filled Chocolate Cupcake with a wee bit of Raspberry filling....on a stick!" Oh my! I must say, my mouth watered just a little bit with that one. And it only peripherally dealt with cheese on a stick! ;-)

    I hope that all's well with you and Mr. Debbie and that you're having a wonderful week!

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  42. Herd'T'hinner, have a wonderful trip and I think that I can speak for us all when I say that we greatly look forward to your return on-line, be it via a borrowed laptop, library access, stolen iPhone, etc. :-) No seriously, here's hoping that the move goes wonderfully. We'll be seeing you on the other side! And, good luck with the Mouse. ;-)

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  43. Hey CoolOne! You are 100% correct. They were actually called "Time for Timer" PSAs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_for_Timer) and the video in question is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3jgo5ea_zc

    Very similar, but, you're right. I just remembered it fondly from watching my Saturday morning cartoons--you know, loooooong before one could watch cartoons anytime one wanted on Cartoon Network! :-)

    Good stuff, though. Good cheer! :-)

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  44. moohammed, I'm glad to see that you've recovered from your unfortunate cave incident of a few weeks ago and that your wit and wisdom have returned in full force! I've missed you! :-)

    Good cheer and many happy returns. I would happily post on your blog after reading your very insightful posts (which I do), but, fact is, and please forgive me for this, I fear that were I to do so on this government-issued laptop (even though I do NOT visit while I'm at work), I might compromise your position. And I would feel terribly guilty if any harm befell you do to my carelessness. ;-)

    Good cheer, moohammed, and peace be with you.

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  45. My goodness, Smagpie ~ you simply aren't yourself! Mermaid called you out on your dooky-looking pen, the "Rhino Mach 5 Analprobe Deluxe" ~ and the insult is just a hangin' there like a Christmas wreath in July. Sad. Are you gonna let that stand, Captain? Maybe it's just too hard to type while you're all curled up in a fetal position, sobbing pitifully, makin that cute little boo-face? Hmmm?

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  46. I is no want government to arrest you, Smag. I is no even want torture you, even though i is read many of your postings.

    And i is def no want the navy secrets from you. Afghanistan is have submarine in 60s but Pakistan is no let us take it to the seaside so we is paint it pink and we paint the 'nose' purple and we is leave it on border to scare the Tajik.

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  47. Greetings MM! I realized that you made a post about the "Rhino Mach 5 Analprobe Deluxe", but, I was pretty sure, just based on the facts at hand, that you'd accidentally included a typo in your post and that you were actually talking about your own favorite pen, the, ahem, plastic, non-retractable, one-step-above-crayon writing hammer that you use. If what you're saying is that you were actually using those words to describe the completely elegant and smooth-writing and perfect-in-every-way Zebra F-301 (http://www.zebrapen.com/products/pen/f-301?c=30), the most perfect writing machine ever known to be created by man, then I must conclude that you've been taken hostage and that you're sending me some sort of Opposite Day code talk to let me know that you're under duress? Please, send me more information and I will alert the authorities to your predicament!

    For those of you who haven't yet found it, Libby's Blog is discussing favorite pens this week and there's a poll here: http://libbysrandomness.blogspot.com/ Unfortunately, it appears that the poll has caused MM to be kidnapped! Either that, or her normal powers of discernment have been completely affected due to ink poisoning from using inferior writing products? Regardless, we need to find her and help her! Sort of like how the concert goers at Woodstock banded together to help those on bad acid trips, I call on us to do the same for MM! Please All, we can do it! Help our poor, lost resident Calligrapher find her way Home! ;-)

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  48. moohammed! I've heard tale of the Purple-nosed Pink Submarine of Afghanistan, but I thought it was only a myth! This is an incredible day in Submarining History! I'm sorry that neither Pakistan nor Iran would allow you access to the ocean, but, did you try Turkmenistan? I realize that would only put you in the Caspian Sea, which, strategically, wouldn't provide much use for you on a global scale, but, it's good practice at least. Consider it? If so, I'd be interested in observing your testing. From shore, of course. :-)

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  49. *sits back chuckling at the mayhem caused by my poll*
    Wait, that sounds wrong on so many levels.

    Oh, well.

    Meanwhile, I'm surprised, Smaggy, I would have though you would have made some comment about using feathers for such a mundane thing as *writing*. ;-)

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  50. Gee whiz Smagalicious....here I went to all the trouble to cut and paste to see the Zebra and their isn't one cute stripe on it? Stainless Steel...is this a 007 poke your eye out pen should you run into a scoundrel or does a simple twist of the rubber turn it into a laser pistol for a gang of scoundrels?
    It is similar to my favorite pens, not that I have any cute Zebra name for them.

    Mermaid Kidnapped...I'm not buying it...more like she was all tied up drifting about with some wily sailor on the kelp beds. Her Sailorsmagaliciousboy was having a smoke, dialing up for an Animal burger with Animal fries to be delivered by Some Cute Guy. Then they floated off into the sunset while munching away on cheesy bits....that sounds more like it.

    Mr. Debbie...lol, my guy is as cute as ever, he's wandered off to work to safely ignore the new safety moron who has been ever so busy in the name of job security making everyone's life hell or at the least leave them scratching their head's. Did you know you can't dribble orange safety paint down the side of the can covering up ANY information? The next guy might actually not be able to read those instructions and think it's ORANGE JUICE...off to the landfill it goes....all in the name of Liability...in case you hire morons that can't tell paint from juice. The list is endless of wasteful nonsense.

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  51. Heya Smaggy! I just posted a new poll from the chat convos this week.

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