From a Submariner's Perspective is a weekly column, written in response to the letters sent in to advice columnist "Prudie" at Slate.com. Each week, The Submariner responds to the letter writers in a way that Slate.com author, Emily Yoffe, probably can't (but perhaps would like to...). Each entry is headed with a link to the orginal questions and Yoffe's answers. Enjoy!

Also, if you have questions that you'd like answered by The Submariner, or anyone here at "The Fly", just write to me at smagboy1@gmail.com and I'll forward to the appropriate party/parties for an answer (or you can write to them directly via the e-mail addresses on their pages)! Once the answers are published, I'll drop you a note letting you know.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

...on the Sproinging of Spring. And Some Snark, Too.

http://www.slate.com/id/2251570/ (04/22/2010) <---Original Prudie Letters Can Be Found There

Hey Hidey Ho, Shippers! How in the hell are you on this fine, fine Prudie Day? I am feeling absolutely fantastic today! Could be the coffee. Maybe the fact that last night I submitted my final paper for this term? Who knows! But, regardless, I’m feeling positively zestful this morning! And, not even LW#1 is going to harsh my mellow. LW#4 might. We’ll see how I feel by the time I get down there (if #1 and #4 were swapped, I know I’d go off on #4 then!). Here’s hoping that you’re all having just as fine a Prudie Day as I’m having. And I hope, if that’s so, that it carries over into the weekend for you and then throughout the spring! Damn, I really do have a case of the sunshine-out-the-butt today, don’t I?! :-) So, that said, let’s move on to the letters before I shoot another ray or two of light out of my rear and betray my true nature...

LW#1: Dear Prudie,

I work at a radio company doing contest promotions. Our target audience is the college-age set. As you may have guessed, I, myself, just happen to be a recent college graduate who’s young, firm and super attractive! I often don’t get jokes, or understand how to use the Xerox machine, but, otherwise, I’m really doing well at my job, which mainly involves wearing short-shorts and jumping up and down a lot. Well, there’s a very nice, friendly, well-liked lady at work who co-helms our very popular morning show. She dresses, acts and even looks like she’s in her early to mid twenties, but, recently I found out that she’s actually in her late thirties! OMG, Prudie! I mean, how gauche! I know, right? What’s worse is that she does remote broadcasts in college bars and on college campuses, which, to me, is just plain creepy of her! I mean, pedo alert, you know? It also smacks a bit of desperation, don’t you think? Well, anyway, she’s got a birthday coming up and so I’ve told everyone who’ll listen what her true age is. I’ve also encouraged everyone to get her gag gifts. I’m getting her an inflatable walker! It’ll be great seeing everyone realize how old she is and get all freaked out and move away from her at the table! My question is, how long is long enough to wait until I can ask our boss for my co-worker’s job, since I’m so much more qualified being as I’m actually young, instead of just faking it? And, should I confront her with what I know and tell her that I’ve outed her to the whole station?

Thanks, Bouncing Boobies!

Dear Near-Future Unemployed Girl,

Yes, you should definitely confront your co-worker. Please do! And, for efficiency’s sake, you should have your boss in the room, too, so that you can immediately turn to him/her and ask for your co-worker’s job once you’ve outed her! Make absolutely certain to mention to your boss that you are actually young enough to be in the bars and on the college campuses whereas your shriveled up co-worker already has one foot in the nursing home.

Look, it’s clear that you lack any sort of industry knowledge or even basic people skills, so, I’ll give you a pass since you’re about to get a painful face full of real life anyway, but, just so you know, everyone else in the office already knows how old your co-worker is, you dork. And now, they also know what a little ass monkey you are, too (assuming you’ve managed to hide it up until now)! I would like to ask you a favor, if you don’t mind. Will you please, please, please film your discussion with your co-worker and boss? Please? You’re young and hip and should own and know how to use a flip cam, right? Please say you will?! And then send it in? Heh-heh.

LW#2: Dear Prudie,

About a year ago I was peripherally involved in a fatal accident. I was driving a truck, towing a horse trailer. Three other vehicles were behind me (a bus and two cars). A young college-aged girl was in the car in the rear and got impatient. She tried to pass all of us on a blind curve and ran head-on into oncoming traffic and was killed instantly. I stopped to try to help and one of the other people at the scene said to me, “That’s what happens when you drive too slow.” I’m devastated by this accident, Prudie. Even though it’s been over a year, I frequently pull over and sob uncontrollably. I know in my heart that the accident wasn’t my fault, but, I can’t help but feel like it was my fault. And I can’t get past it. I obsessively run over in my mind what I could have done differently. Only my husband and therapist know of my part in the accident. Can you help?

Signed, Living With Guilt

Dear Guiltless,

Everyone is going to tell you that this was not, in any way, shape, or form, your fault. And they’re correct. As a matter of fact, even if you’d been driving 15 miles per hour under the maximum speed limit, provided you weren’t actually traveling below the minimum speed limit, it’s still not in any way your fault. We’re all allowed to drive on the roads, damnit! We all pay for their installation and maintenance and we’re not responsible for the actions of others. I know that doesn’t help, though. I know that no matter how often you hear it, it won’t matter, but, I hope it at least empowers you enough to realize that you’re allowed and entitled to drive on the roads, same as anyone. And you weren’t the one driving like an idiot.

Now, as for your entirely incompetent therapist. Drop him/her. Today. If he/she hasn’t at the very least helped you realize that you had NO PART in this accident, he/she sucks major balls. And you need help he/she can’t provide. So, do yourself a favor and find someone who can help. This was not your fault. You were not at fault. You weren’t! Please get the help that you deserve because two deaths due to one act of stupidity would be even more tragic. And right now? That’s exactly what’s happened.

P.S. If you’d like to forward to me the address of the fucking asshole who made the “driving slow” comment to you, I’ll personally go put my foot up his/her ass. With pleasure.

LW#3: Dear Prudie,

Last weekend my boyfriend and I hosted several friends of his from out of town (some were less friends than acquaintances). I woke up in the middle of the night and found one of our guests with some girl, whom he didn’t even know prior to the party, having sex on our couch (can you believe that?!)! I put my hand on my hip and did that side-to-side head thing that I’ve perfected with years of practice and said, “Oh no you didn’t! Excuuuuuse Me?!” One of them, our guest, gave a half-assed apology the next day, but the female didn’t, and hasn’t. And she’s the younger sister of the brother of a friend’s ex-lover’s wife’s sister’s best friend, so, I know that our paths will cross again. So I’m thinking of posting all over everyone’s Facebook page about what a slut she is. What else should I do to make it clear that being a guest at my house isn't for having any fun that I’m not involved in?

Signed, Ass So Tight I Could Turn Coal Into Diamonds Up In There

Dear Tight Ass,

You know what? I don’t see the problem here. I mean, you invited this guy that you only peripherally knew to your home, you asked him to stay the night, and then got surprised when he did something you didn’t approve of? You don’t even fucking know the guy! And, so, by default, he doesn’t know you or your rules. And where's your boyfriend in all of this?  Shouldn't this be his responsibility since it's his friend?  Maybe you should be more choosy about who you invite to your house, and, since you weren’t more choosy this time, maybe you should be a grown up and accept the blame for what you perceive as a slight to you (which, still, unless they made a mess that they didn’t clean up, I don’t know what the problem is? Jealous/judgmental much?!  Think your boyfriend knew about the wild shaggings going on?  I bet he did.  And that he approved!). If you post anything on Facebook, it should be something on your own page about how you need to attend classes on not being a first class, A-1, stick-up-your-ass, bitch! But that’s just how I am. Hell, I’m actually happy when friends hook up. And even happier if I accidentally get an eyeful of naked yumminess! But I’m like a big ol’ puppy that way, I guess. And I clearly act too young for my age, too, so, take my advice for what it’s worth. Apparently acting too young is gauche.

LW#4: Dear Prudie,

I’m a selfish, entitled, condescending, elitist, selfish (did I already say that?) bitch who is only interested in my husband for what he can do for me. I’m not only uninterested in my husband’s hobbies, I go out of my way to let him know that I am disinterested. Am I under any obligation to occasionally pretend that I care if he lives or dies, you know, in the interest of marriage?

Signed, Why Won’t He Leave Me the Fuck Alone?

Dear Alone Fucker,

No, you’re under no obligation. As a matter of fact, just like with LW#1, I suggest that you continue on your current path. Like her, the results you’ll reap will be exactly what you deserve. While I am in no way suggesting that you are required to be interested in all of your husband’s hobbies, and, too, while I am in no way suggesting that you don’t deserve some alone time now and again (I think we can all benefit from it, actually, from time to time), I am suggesting that you simply be honest with your husband if you don’t feel like discussing something with him because, you know, you’re reading, or taking a relaxing bath, or watching TV. But, if it’s just because you don’t give a shit? Then, yeah, keep it up. I promise you that you won’t have to continue to feign interest for too much longer. You can trust me on that one.

****
Well shippers, that’s about it. I have to apologize for being in such a fine, fine mood today when I could have easily opened up a ten-swear-word minimum on these letters (especially #1). I mean, there was a time that I could have scorched the pages in response to that one! But, how can I when it’s such a beautiful day outside? Signs of spring and summer are everywhere! Take a look across your lagoon, Shippers? See that beauty? That gorgeousness? That warmth? Ah life! ‘Til next week, shippers, fair winds, following seas and fried-cheese-on-a-stick to you all.

37 comments:

  1. Pure Poetry: "Please? You’re young and hip and should own and know how to use a flip cam, right? Please say you will?! And then send it in? Heh-heh."

    *sniffs back a tear in appreciation*

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's ok, Smaggie. I was nasty and curse-laden (although Schuyler will no doubt make me a liar) for the both of us. What a &*^%$(*^! moron LW #1 is! I smacked her around but good.

    Must be chilly outside...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Libby! Ahoy there! Thank you for the appreciation. Hey, who knows, maybe she *will* film it and send it in! Wouldn't that be grand? :-)

    Messy! Ahoy! I shall go check out your curse-laden post pronto! I need to see some smack down laid out since I was unable to deliver it this week. :-) Had letters #1 and #4 been swapped, by the time I got to her to our radio lady, I would have opened up with both barrels, but, starting with her, I was still in "be patient" mode. Plus, I'm relatively certain she's about to get a strong dose of reality right across the face from her co-workers and boss. We can hope, yes? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congratulations on getting your last paper turned in! That has got to be a relief. You were very kind to LW #1, much kinder than I was feeling after reading that immature drivel. Oh well, she will learn soon enough, probably the hard way. I was kind of grossed out with the sex on the couch by two near strangers letter. But I would just get out the steam cleaner and give it a good once-over. The couch, not the couple.
    Have a great week!
    jaimie

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ahoy, Jaimie!

    Thank you for the congrats. It feels good. Although, I've already registered for next semester, so, onward the cycle goes, eh? :-)

    I normally would have just gone on a blistering tirade with LW#1. I think that it just felt so false, like she is so absolutely clueless, that to be too mean to her would be like picking on someone unable to defend themselves. You know, like shooting spitballs at the palace guards in London. I mean, where's the sport, you know? I just couldn't do it. Although, Messy really got inside the LW's head nicely over on her 'Shaddap' blog, so, the LW didn't escape punishment. And, you'll notice that even Prudie ran with a rare bit of name calling! I was impressed with our fearless leader. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Bon jour Smagsterrrr cherrie
    (French seems to go so well with your sunny disposition, don't you think??)

    I don't know... I have such a feeling that LW1 got that job by sleeping with the boss, and it was him who, somewhere between two copulations, told her how "old" the radio woman is. Now the dimwit feels like she has this big secret that she can use as leverage to get a better job.

    Or, she is simply mad jealous (batshit jealous?) that her bf (potential bfs?) probably thinks the radio woman is hot!

    In any case I hope she tapes that meeting, I'm bloody sure it'll go viral the next second!

    Btw Smags, nowadays one doesn't even need a flip cam, she can use her iPhone! I could bet my 401k that she MUST have one, after all, she's like young and hip and like hot, right?!

    I have another feeling, this time about LW2 - that she is not telling the whole story. After one year, with therapist and supporting husband, with everyone telling her she did nothing wrong, and she still feels guilty? Even with that random remark that she heard, it's still odd. Well, my feeling is that she KNOWS she could have done something to avoid this - I don't know, maybe just pulling on the right at some point, when it was possible, to allow the ones behind her to pass, like any driver with experience would have probably done? Maybe she knows she was inexperienced in driving and towing at the same time... Of course, this doesn't change the fact that the dead driver made a horribly wrong decision herself, but it would account for the guilt - and as you said, a good therapist would have dug that out from her by now.

    LW3 - I always apply the following saying "Never lend books if you want them"! If you can't afford to lose something don't make it available!

    LW4 - makes me think why are these people even married! I mean if one doesn't have one single hobby in common with the partner, how is that couple surviving as a couple? You can survive on sex only for so long, at some point you gotta talk, right?!?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you, SB1, for pointing out the conspicuous lack of commentary on what the boyfriend did or did not do during the evening when LW3 didn't go to the party and presumably was asleep at 3:00 a.m.

    I can testify under oath that I did not see the Mermaid's page before writing my answer, which was planned before seeing your Slate post but written afterwards.

    I still maintain, although it might be different on a submarine, that, if I hosted a house party of heterosexual guests all of the same gender, I might reasonably expect the weekend to be Hanky Panky Free, and that, thus being awakened at 3:00 to find an uninvited guest indulging in an unanticipated activity, I might reasonably offer them something to protect the furniture.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Greetings Roo, and ahoy (that's the extent of my French)! ;-) Dangit, I showed my age with that flip-cam slip-up, didn't I?! She'll be coming after me next! :-)

    And you may be on to something about LW#2, some additional reason for internal guilt. But, I'll stand by my analysis of her not being at fault provided she was following traffic laws as she outlined. I know that slow drivers sometimes annoy us all, but, they do have a right to drive slowly. ;-)

    And, I agree 100% with your take on #3 and 4. ;-)

    Good cheer to you, Roo! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Greetings hrumpole!

    Yes, the lack of BF involvement in this scenario deserves a lot more analysis in the case of LW#3. I have a feeling that he not only knew that his buddy had brought home a new friend, but that he was fully okay with it.

    Further, I will agree with you that there's nothing wrong with expecting your guests to not have sex on your living room furniture. But, I think it's the LW's desire to post on FB about the event that has my back up. And, in the interest of full disclosure, and as can be witnessed by viewing my premature entry on the Fray, I misread the letter the first time through, thinking the party had been at the LW's house. Perhaps I would have given out LW more credit had I read it correctly the first time, but, still, the desire to go to FaceBook to trash the unwitting guest of the guest?! That's deserving of a cosmic smack in the rear all on its own. So, while I feel a little bad for having missed the original nuance of the letter, I don't feel bad (not too bad, anyway) about the tone I took with her. ;-)

    Good cheer, hrumpole! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I had a "face full of real life" too, just the other day. Well actually it was last year and it was more like a face full of Thai hooker but i think the comparison holds up. And i think your basic fallacy, Smag, is to assume that bouncing boobies aren't preferable to flapping boobies. Hey, don't rag on me, i'm getting old too, you know.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Um Tarquin you have opened yourself up to a little raggin' on. You see, not all 38 & 39 year old(or 40 somethings for that matter)women have "flappy boobies". Not to mention I've seen plenty of 20 something'ers that are wearing the 'girls' damn near at the belt line! So I don't think there was a fallacy in Smags reply! Maybe you should try some boobies w/ a little experience...you might find them quite fun!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. herd"T"hinner consoles herself at not winning any lotteries so far by rambling thusly:


    LW1 - this is the first letter that makes me wonder about its authenticity. I mean, this reads like a scene with Cerie and Liz Lemon on "30 Rock," you know? Cerie's comments about "old" people are a highlight of that show!

    "Oh, but my mom's old. She's like, 38."
    (To Liz): "Ohhhh, are you 50?"
    "I don't need to wear a bra. They just stay up by themselves." (bounces boobies to demonstrate this)
    (to Liz again): "I thought you were, like, married with 3 kids or something." "Cuz you have food stains on your clothes and-"

    Good times!


    LW2 - People who pass me on two-lane roads due to their own impatience greatly vex me. I fall *just* short of wishing an accident on them! Just short because of the "careful what you wish for" admonition. I'd rather not go through what LW2 is going through. I felt bad enough when I hit and killed a deer with my car, barely 2 weeks after moving to Massachusetts! That was 13 years ago, and I still have that image in my head. Not where I'm pulling over to the side of the road and weeping or unable to function, etc. It's just not something that ever leaves you.


    LW3 - in her defense, she did post later in the Comments section, saying that the editor fucked up her letter. She wrote that she was going to send a private message on Facebook to the person (aka an email), but the wording was changed. In that same post she admitted to having calmed down and realizing even that wouldn't do much good. It's one of those "Aw fer the love-a Mike!!" things that happen, after all. Good thing I don't host parties! And even if I did, I'm in the age group where stuff like that isn't terribly common. Not unheard of, just... not terribly common.


    LW4 - what a catch! Hold onto this gal with all your might, big guy! (Fishing puns intended)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey Smag,
    "Signed, Ass So Tight I Could Turn Diamonds Into Coal In There" LOL!:p
    With the exception of the horse trailer lady, I think this gem could have applied to all of these worthless little shitbirds that wrote in this week. I mean holy smokes! I have never seen such a sorry bunch of trifling, self-important, poisonous little cows in one column before!! I wish them all on each other.
    Best,
    JayJay

    ReplyDelete
  14. Howdy Ho, Smagalicious...you are sounding quite happy this week and a person's gotta love that? I do! I mean a man who is happy and likes cheesy bits, finishes his homework on time...and signs up for more...way to go...oh excuse me...WTG...I am so'ooo limited in my ability to be hip, maybe it's due to my age or agelessness in not taking on too much slang, could slang be a dead giveaway to one's age? I must be careful not to fall into a huge age pit this week, I mean how long can one's 20's last? All this rambling leads me to sharing my all important, all encompassing (at least in my own mind) opinion's about our dear lost Prudie writer's this week.

    Moron #1...What if...I ask you, what if this person is Male? Somehow it hits me that this issue about the favorite co-worker seems a bit skewed. It's almost as if the person was somehow insulted to find out her age, as if this had more importance that what should'a could'a been? What if the LW is male and had a huge crush on this girl only to find out she was fully a woman and his attraction then was to an older woman...huh...what about that SmaggieMan? You liking my thought process? Puts a spin on why he's so adamant about somehow thinking a payback is in order. All the goofy age gifts and wanting her somehow to pay for his assumption that she was in his hip peer group. Here he had all these fantasies and now he's doing the wild thing with a woman he deems to be OLD. Just sayin'...I mean he's dumb not to know this would be a positive, that she could blow his doors off in bed and fix dinner too along with her hip career. Doesn't this attitude of how dare she go on campus and sell herself as in her youth reek of some need for retribution due to him feeling betrayal? Interesting huh?

    LW2...I feel badly for this person, and Smaggie I agree ditch the therapist immediately. Somehow prior to the accident something else happened, either people were honking and gesturing her for miles before the accident or someone told her she was too inexperienced to drive her horse trailer on said highway or people were passing her left and right for miles to give her this feeling of being responsible. Like everyone else I hate learning life's lesson's when they have this magnitude of sorrow and it saddens me to hear how tormented she is over this huge accident that took someone's life and changed everyone that was involved. but now she needs to change to another therapist to work past his lesson in life whatever it is. It all simply sucks, most of us have had much less sorrowful lessons.

    ReplyDelete
  15. LW3..LOL, what's a person to do? I would not be a fan of having spunk puddles on my sofa, but what the hell it's got dog drool at the least and cheesy bits under the cushions no matter how hard I try to deny either the dog or the food they exist. I'd simply have to get over my boyfriends buddy doing the wild thing when my head was turned...what were those two thinking! Once again some booze had to be involved and here someone's legs again were in the air. Man now that's a huge problem or is it? Two out of three were very happy.

    LW4...Smagalicious, go ahead and ask me about setting my jets, or about breaking bark buster's, setting my bearings within one thousandths, getting the wings right on my Nymph? Or how my welds were highly remarked upon. I can have these conversations, because my man gets all dreamy eyed upon talking about his dirt bike or the welding he did on some guy at works Elk trailer for hunting season. Do I ride dirt bikes, nah, do I give a rip about hunting, not so much, would be last on my list. But those happy sappy dreamy eyes do it for me, I'll take that look of happiness any day on my man's face. What's important in his world is important in my world but I am in love with my husband, and he's in love with me. If he's had his favorite beers and is repeating himself I simply say...Honey, you've told me this for the third time, I get it...say it one more time and I'll lose my mind. He listens to me ramble along about flower's, and what cute thing the dog did while hanging out the car window. We are each other's soft place to fall, we agreed to be this for each other and it comes with listening to the rambling's. She is snappish and annoyed for something entirely unrelated. How hard is it to have an opinion on the color of a bike fender? I could have an opinion on that and I don't even know the man. If she has laid out boundaries of when she's unwilling to have any conversation his talk should not have this impact. My husband knows not to talk to me during the Nightly News or Survivor...don't even bother I am not home, I am imersed fully. And last night was Survivor was the best ever!

    Happy trails everyone...may life's lessons be painless for one and all...and try hard if you are up for sex not to leave marks on someone's sofa or make so much noise you get them up to come looky loo at you...Sheesh. ;0)

    ReplyDelete
  16. SB1, thank you for the clarification. Certainly LW3 having hosted the party would have made an enormous difference in reasonable expectations.

    I really think the guest is just too separated from the hostess to have any justification. From a hosting point of view, if it were a close friend of mine, either he'd be in a room that allowed for this sort of conduct or he'd at least know where to find what he needed. Indeed, I can think of one or two cases in which the volume of the encounter would be intended as an invitation for further participants to join in. A friend of my boyfriend's - maybe. But really - a friend of his friend, whom I didn't know at all and he maybe knew slightly at best? That just does not pass the giggle test.

    On to more cheerful thoughts, though - given the boyfriend's likely complicity and her complete overreaction in one quarter and underreaction in another, it does not take a World Renowned Psychic to be able to predict that this pair will provide the world with a really fun divorce to watch, if they should ever happen to make it down the aisle at all.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Greetings Tarq! And Ahoy! Well, truthfully, I just like boobies. And other lovely places, too! But to whom they're connected is most important. :-) Their condition is entirely secondary or tertiary or even fourthiary (?). ;-) As for your face full of Thai hooker, I guess the old adage holds true, eh? You get what you pay for. ;-)

    Good cheer, Tarq!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thank you, criker, for straightening out Tarky. And welcome! It's great to have you here! :-) Sometimes, you know, Tarky gets out of line. But, like the proverbial practical-joking, drunk uncle that we all have, damn, you just can't help but love the guy, regardless of how many times he pees on your lawn in front of the neighbors. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Excellent consoling ramblings 'T'! :-) I have to agree with you on LW#1. Perhaps that's another reason that I just couldn't seem to work myself up into much of a lather over it? It just seemed so damned fake? I mean, it even goes so far as to say, "I don't think she understands how pathetic and out of place she really is. I can't help staring at her like she's some strange creature." That's just GOT to be faked. Right? God, let's hope so!

    Good cheer, 'T'!

    ReplyDelete
  20. JayJay, thank you, thank you, thank you for posting! Do you see how I messed up that quote?! I didn't notice it until you quoted me and then I realized how I screwed it up! I'm not even going to repeat it, it's so embarrassing, but, thanks to you, I did correct it on my entry. I had a real problem with LW#3. As I've re-read the original letter again, I'm really starting to come 'round to hrumpole's take that she nearly as far out of line as I have accused her of being.

    Good cheer, JayJay! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Debbie, I have to admit to not having been on The Fray much at all this week, and so yours is the very first mention I've seen (other than an allusion to the theory in hrumpole's blog) of the idea that LW#1 could be male! Holy crud, Batman!

    See, hrumpole has taught me (and I have honestly learned, or so I thought) to pay attention to indiscriminately assigning gender to LWs. I have even gotten so good at it that I imagined myself cured of the bad habit of assuming gender. But I'll be buggered if I didn't do it here, 100%. I *love* the thought of it being an embarrassed young buck. That has so much more depth. And, would allow it to seem a trifle less fake to me! I'm going to ponder it and see what kind of cues I can get from it. Maybe the LW will write in on The Fray or the in-line comment scrolling thingy of doom? We'll see. :-)

    So, hey, Debbie, tell me about setting your jets? ;-)

    Good stuff, as always. Wise stuff, too, as always. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  22. hrumpole, you've got me to over 80% in your corner now regarding LW#3. I missed a lot of subtle information in that letter. And, while I'm still okay with the occasional (or more than occasional) romp on the furniture, the relationship should have dictated certain behavior and the more distant I'm realizing that relationship was, the more I'm seeing your side.

    But, still, I can't bring myself to blame the female in this tryst unless she knew the full extent of her "partner's" relationship (or lack thereof) with the hostess. So, the LW doesn't get a full pass from me. Unless you can continue to convince me.

    ReplyDelete
  23. C'mon Debs, there is no way LW1 is male... well, unless he's gay. It stinks from a mile of airhead and little meanie stuff that only women are capable sometimes... and only some women. Men react in a different way, their revenges take different routes, they don't go around, and they don't ask permission from Prudie, because that's why she wrote the letter - she wants to be mean but at the same time she wants some validation, to quiet her conscience, whatever shreds of it she still has. Also, the letter wording is one of a woman, not a man...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Bravo Smagboy! Once again, you nail it!

    Have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Flying Roo....good morning, Everyone!

    FlyingRoo wrote...C'mon Debs, there is no way LW1 is male... well, unless he's gay.

    Hmmmm...unless he's gay? I hear you, but this gay remark opens the door somehow to my still pondering the gender issue. I've posted the letter below as it was published so we all can read it again. My eyes and ears do see the feminine aspect of the cadence of this letter, but it also reads male as well. I hear the comment....you would never know she's an older lady..the older lady bit sounds male to me. And the sign off, although I have no clue if this would be a Prudie sign off or the LW's...but my ears think that it's male....Young and Able. It's the Able part that reeks of maleness, being female I don't think I've ever thought of myself as Young & Able...but why do I think that is a male term? Smaggie...got your memory on...is that a male term?

    Much to ponder...so, now that you bring up the possibility of gay...what if they both are lesbians then? Regardless of gender somehow my shit detector is reading the LW as having a need for...retribution...that's it...retribution on a public level as if there are more emotions involved other than...gee, guess what I found out, let's have some fun with her on her birthday since she's so old. Retribution based on some attraction? Sexual?

    And have we not all observed all ages and described someone to another...I ask now...I've not thought in terms of...From the way she jokes around, walks, and looks, you would never know she's an older lady...what female describes how a female walks in a description? Sounds like the male thought process to me.

    We'll never know but isn't it interesting. This gender confusion is another window into how as a society one cannot be assured by either visuals or vocabulary what genitals one actually owns...hmmmm? And what about this statement...I can't help staring at her like she's some strange creature. Odd, don't you think? I've never looked at another woman and ever thought of her in terms of being a strange creature.

    But it makes for a hell of a conversation! Regardless of gender I only know this is not a person I'd want to have lunch with on any occasion. ;o)

    Dear Prudie,
    I have been out of college for a year and have a great job doing contest promotions for a radio company. A very nice co-worker of mine co-hosts a popular morning show. I've found out a secret about her, and I don't know what to do. She appears to be 25 or 26 years old, but I discovered she's really in her late 30s! This is very disturbing. From the way she jokes around, walks, and looks, you would never know she's an older lady. Her audience is mostly college-age kids, and she does appearances at campuses and bars. That's so creepy! Her birthday is next week, and she has invited me and a few others my age to lunch. Since news of her age spread like wildfire through my department, some of us have bought her gag gifts—an inflatable walker, denture cream, etc. She's in a youth-oriented business, and I don't think she understands how pathetic and out of place she really is. I can't help staring at her like she's some strange creature. Should I confront her with what I know? And how do I maintain a professional relationship with someone who's a huge phony, desperately clinging to youth?

    —Young and Able

    ReplyDelete
  26. Deb, good mornin' to you too! And good morning to everyone.

    Well, on the Fray someone advanced the idea that this could be a fabricated letter - maybe it is so. Also more than one person could have worked in it, it would account for the different vibes the letter emanates.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hey Roo...so you see the confusion on my part...strange isn't it? When you say The Fray are you speaking of the comments section available through the Prudie Post or is there somewhere new? I have had limited time and usually spend it here. Either gender this person is totally whacked, ya think? ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  28. I assumed LW1 was a chick, too. I'm not getting any male vibes from it, gay or straight. But like I said, I can't think of anything other than a Cerie/Liz Lemon relationship like on 30 Rock.

    Anyway, assuming that it's a chick and the letter is real, if she met my oldest sister, she'd spontaneously combust. Or implode herself to the point of becoming an earthbound black hole. Oldest Sis (OS) is 50 and has *never* associated with people her age. She can't get enough of the college crowd. She's befriended nearly all of her oldest daughter's boyfriends, ex and current, and then keeps up those relationships beyond their time, even if it means flying to and fro to visit them.

    Before you give a resounding whoop and an Atta Girl, she's married and has kids. We've (immediate family) stopped trying to figure out How she does it. The Why, not so mysterious.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thank you, Bella! It's always a pleasure to have you visit here on this side of the lagoon. Have a great weekend! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Roo and Deb, I think that you both hit on the salient point when you said that, regardless of gender and/or sexual orientation, this person is an asshat. I mean, you know, that's a paraphrase, but, pretty much the gist, yeah? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  31. 'T' I've never seen '30 Rock', but, the scene you described earlier sounds funny.

    As for your sister, I know a couple of ladies that age who used to associate with people that age and, like your sister, have just kept right on doing so. And hey, provided everyone's okay with it, I got no issues. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Asshat...yes I must say I do'ooo like the sounds of that, I like it so much I may need to steal away with it Smagmeister.

    And T...AKA Herdthinner...interesting about the OS needing that contact with the x-boyfriends of her daughter's. I must say...WOW, I can't imagine the daughter came to grips with that bit of behavior easily. How odd, and rather Asshat'erish don't you think? Were I the daughter or the husband I would be a bit miffed to say the least. There's good to be had in keeping abreast of our youth but to join in on such a level seems awkward/skewed/skeevy/inappropriate/asshat'erish(my list could go on for miles) for a married woman with children.

    And T I so loved your take on...
    "Aw fer the love-a Mike!!" cracked me up! That does sum up how I'd feel if I walked in on someone's sexual adventure's on my sofa.
    And Smaggie, by now you know I'm gender confused. I know what I have and I know what my husband's has and other than that...absolutely rootin-tootin clueless. I had a neighbor for a long time that would leave a person wondering...not that there is anything wrong with that...just sayin' there's a reason for being clueless.

    Reading everyone's take on the letter's was entertaining as alwasy...the tight ass coal to diamond's...PRICELESS. '0)

    And SmaggMan...my hubby can set a fine jet, first you...then you...ah, gotta go!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Smaggy, I'm way behind this week. My computer was on the blink and I have since been told it was probably a cosmic ray or some cosmic dust that was fatter than these creatures usually are so it collided with one thing or another in my computer (my Slate shortcut?) instead of passing through like good little cosmic rays do....

    It's back in action now though I'm still installing all my lost programs, etc. So I didn't have time to read Slate, just your blog on the fly (on the Fly even!).

    I had an epiphany! It's much more entertaining to read your "translations" of the letters instead of reading the originals --though I have to say that the original LW1 posted by Debbie is almost as funny as your own version...

    Ooops, I got to run. I also got to figure out why the font here is now sooooo tiny, but that's for later....

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hey Deb! :-) Yepper, I think you use the word perfectly! :-) And, there's nothing wrong with being gender confused. Provided your parts fit like you want them to with whom you want them to, there's not much else to worry about. And, in the end, since all parts fit together one way or another, it's really got nothing to do with the part and everything to do with the who we want to fit with, yeah? ;-) Good cheer!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Oh, Kati, no worries! I mean, we've all missed you, but, your computer concerns definitely take precedence!

    I do enjoy writing the translations, so, I'm glad that you enjoyed them. :-) I hope that you're up and running full speed ahead in no time.

    Good cheer! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  36. asking for a "friend"April 28, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    what about LW#3 yelling "tickle her small intestine!" that should help the mood! :).

    ReplyDelete
  37. "Aw fer the love-a Mike!!"

    I only wished to drop by and use T's hearty term...about covers my entire day...

    "Aw fer the love-a Mike!!" I had to break down and vacuum, fold towels, wash rugs...you girls know the drill...those dirty feet of ours including the dog's brought in grass clippings of all things..."Aw fer the love-a Mike!!"

    ReplyDelete