...on Manipulative Bastards, One and All

http://www.slate.com/id/2242749/ (01/28/10) <---Original Prudie Letters Can Be Found Here



Greetings Shippers, and how the hell are ya on this fine, fine Prudie Day? My apologies for the tardiness of my response, but, as previously advertised, I was otherwise engaged in secret squirrel government stuff. Shhh! Sometimes the life of a submariner is interrupted by submarine duties. Sigh. Such is the way of the world, I guess. But, regardless, I’m here now, ready to dispense a few pearls of wisdom if I can. Here’s hoping they’ll be worth your return trip to the lagoon and I’ll try my best to never be tardy again!

LW#1: Dear Prudie, either I’m a lost, vulnerable young man, sincerely trying to learn how to do better in relationships with women, or, I’m a terribly manipulative cretin, already fully quench-hardened in the furnaces and quenching pots of Hell. Regardless of which it is, my girlfriend recently left me, a huge shock to me because she seemed so in love with me, yet I imagined her to be so blissfully happy and content that she'd never dream of leaving me! It turns out, though, that, in actuality, she found me to be a terribly jealous, controlling asshole (I forbade her from having anything to do with her exes, insisted she not go anywhere that said exes might be, and I limited her social life to the point of it being non-existent, so, I guess she was right?  The jury's still out on that one, though.). Unfortunately, I have immediately gone out and gotten hot and heavy with another girl, whom I believe that I make blissfully happy.  And I think she’s already madly in love with me (I do strive to be the paragon of morality, Prudie, which is how I feel justified in expecting the same from my various girlfriends). I’m scared, though, because I don’t want the same thing to happen with this new girl that’s happened in the past, because I can now clearly see what a monster I’ve been to the previous girls. But, I already feel the same urges starting up. I’ve been reading self help books in order to try to be a better man and not fall into the same traps, but the books are not helping. And I’m too poor for counseling. What can I do, Prudie? Well dude, I’m not convinced, even for a second, that you’re sincere. You don’t once talk about how you feel about these women. You demonstrate no remorse or even understanding of the way you’ve treated women in the past (FYI, you seem to think that you own them, including their pasts, which, hate to break it to you, you don't). You only demonstrate concern for the bad results you're getting. But, that said, I’ve been counseled to treat you as if you’re sincere in your desire to get better, since, fact is, I’ll admit it, you might might actually be sincere. Fortunately for me, my advice to you is exactly the same regardless of your sincerity. For her sake, you need to immediately break off your relationship with this new woman. You are not ready to be in an intimate relationship with a woman. Any woman. You then need to seek counseling. It’s available for free at your school and from the county. Further, you need to read about manipulative behavior. You are demonstrating it in spades. You need to learn to recognize and curb it until it’s all but nonexistent. It’s not easy, but, if you’re sincere in your desire to become better, you can do it. And it’s something you need to do not only for your future relationships with women, but for the children that might come into your life later. It’s important not to perpetuate this type of behavior.  It's your moral responsibility not to.

LW#2: Dear Prudie, my mom died recently, leaving me as the sole beneficiary of a $20,000 life insurance policy. She left a letter explaining that she’d "helped" my brother all through his adult life, constantly giving him money, and that she had always felt terrible about it because she believed it terribly unfair, having given so much to him and so little to me. She said in the letter that she hoped the insurance money would help make up to me and my family some of what she perceived as her unfair treatment in “helping” my brother so much. Prudie, my brother is reckless with money, lives irresponsibly, and doesn’t have a clue about living within his means. Yet his entitled attitude leads him to believe that he’s somehow owed a good life without having to work for it. As such, he’s furious about this money that my mom left for me! He yelled at me, Prudie, hollering that it’s unfair and that I owe him half of the money, regardless of our mom's wishes. What should I do? I’m going to be very straightforward with you here because I can imagine how much of an emotional shitstorm you’re having to navigate right now, having just lost your mom and then having to also deal with your brother’s greed at the same time. Your brother is all of the things you said. He has been bilking your mom his entire adult life while you’ve been responsible and worked hard to get where you are (and to where you could legitimately put that money to good use). Don’t give your brother a dime. He will only blow it (and you know that to be true) and then your mother’s investment in that portion of the money, whatever you chose to give him, would be lost forever. Further, and even more importatnly, giving him money will only set a precedence that your mother lived, and died, to regret. Don’t make the same mistake she did by enabling your brother to live another day without having to realize the value of working for what he receives.  You still have a chance to not regret coddling and enabling this asshole.

LW#3: Dear Prudie, I live in a great, close-knit neighborhood. A couple of years back, a woman who I had considered a good friend spread some really vicious rumors about me. I got it worked out with the folks that she told the rumor to, but I never really got it worked out with the ex-friend because she would never face me when I asked to talk about it with her. So, sadly, I let it go and have moved on. Knowing now the kind of person she is, I’m only cordial to her when I must be (like when we’re both at a mutual friend’s house, etc.). But, if I see her on the street, etc., I don’t acknowledge her. I don’t flick her off or throw dog poo on her car, but, I don’t acknowledge her, either. Well, recently, she’s taken to waving at me when she passes by in her car, honking her horn, and even waving both hands out the window in order to get me to acknowledge her presence. Prudie, she’s crazy and I actually peed a little last time her car came careening toward me, her hands both out the window, waving frantically at me! What should I do? Listen, you are dealing with a woman who is similar to the first LW (that's assuming he’s the manipulative prick version that I mentioned and not the well-meaning-but-socially-inept-kid-who’s-trying-to-get-better-and-genuinely-regrets-his-past-actions-and-wants-to-make-amends version). There’s no question about this woman. She’s the crazy nut job version. What do you do with crazy nut jobs? You continue to ignore them. If I were you, I’d try to go walking with a friend from the neighborhood. Crazy nut jobs don’t act that way with witnesses around. Or, you might get a cell phone with video capability (or not, she just has to think it has video), and, as she drives by, don’t look at her, but hold up your phone as if you’re taping her. Or, even if you don’t have a specific friend out with you, walk at times that others are walking their dogs. There’s nothing that you can do to change this woman, short of moving, but you can change the field of engagement. And that’s most of the battle right there. Good luck with it because, sadly, I fear that you’re going to need it, and I hate that for you.

LW#4: Dear Prudie, my ex’s mom keeps writing on my FaceBook wall. She says flowery things, expresses her affection, and even engages me on my politics! I’m no longer in touch with my ex. What should I do? Are you asking because you want to bang her? You sign out with “So Over This”, but I don’t know if that means that you’re so over the mom’s FaceBook activity regarding you, or that you’re so over the girlfriend and now ready to ride the Mrs. Jones Pony Express to Happytown? I’ll assume it’s the latter because the former is so easy to fix that only a five-year-old with peanut butter in his ears couldn’t figure it out (but, in case you are five, and peanut buttery, you should unfriend the woman. I know, right?!). As for Mrs. Jones and banging her, the penis goes in the vagina...


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Okay shippers, that about does it for me. I hope that you’re all having a great week! Too, I hope that you're all happy and healthy and that everything you could want or need is either already firmly ensconced in your life, or that it's on its way at warp speed. All here is okay. Not nearly as nice as last week, though! The sun has left and it's chilly and raining. :-( But, I'll live right through it. I hear that summers here in TX are quite warm! So, until next week, fair winds and following seas to ya, shippers!