From a Submariner's Perspective is a weekly column, written in response to the letters sent in to advice columnist "Prudie" at Each week, The Submariner responds to the letter writers in a way that author, Emily Yoffe, probably can't (but perhaps would like to...). Each entry is headed with a link to the orginal questions and Yoffe's answers. Enjoy!

Also, if you have questions that you'd like answered by The Submariner, or anyone here at "The Fly", just write to me at and I'll forward to the appropriate party/parties for an answer (or you can write to them directly via the e-mail addresses on their pages)! Once the answers are published, I'll drop you a note letting you know.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

...on Nosey McGladys-Kravitzes! (5/13/2010) <---Original Prudie Letters Can Be Found There

Hey hidey ho, Shippers! How in the hell are ya on this fine, fine Prudie Day? I hope that the week has treated you well? That perhaps you found the perfect pair of shoes (or two), or tried a new recipe that turned out just right, or maybe you’ve made excellent vacation plans? Or, maybe it was just a good week in general? I had a good week, but, let me tell you what, these letters have me going! Holy shit! Why? I’m not sure, specifically, but, let’s get to ‘em and see if we can figure it out...

LW#1: Dear Prudie, I work in an office where I have just a ton of free time, and, to make matters worse, my job is not very clearly defined. So, when you take those conditions, add in a new guy at the office who likes to sex up the affable but dim office slut, I find that I’m beside myself with the need to stir things up! How do I know they’re playing hide the kielbasa, you ask? Well, I’ve timed them when they retire to vacant spaces in our building. I’ve watched and timed them in parked cars, too. I’ve even formed a communication network to listen to the walls when the two of them sneak off, and “moans and sex noises” have been reported! Sex noises, Prudie! Everyone’s talking about it (I’ve made sure of that)! Plus, all of this sexy time makes all of us who aren’t getting any have to do more work to make up for the non-performance of the work assigned to the philanderers! I want to tell the new guy’s wife and toddler about the affair, and can do so discreetly, but other people tell me it’s none of my business. What should I do, Prudie, because I really want to tell her? As full disclosure, my dad left my mom when I was three and it caused all manner of drama, so I feel entitled to do this. Signed, I Have a Secret That I Don’t Want to Keep

Dear Fuck Stain: Listen up you loathsome, busy-body, nosey piece of shit. The people who say this is none of your fucking business? Well, they’re right. It’s none of your FUCKING business. At all. What in the hell is your major malfunction?! Do you know ANYTHING about the situation, other than that it drives you to distraction? Could you possibly be any more judgmental and ignorant? Prudie is off her fucking rocker and dead nuts wrong on this. Mind your own business, Nosey McGladys-Kravitz. Maybe if you bothered to do YOUR work, and “everyone” in the office bothered to do THEIR work, it would be painfully obvious to the supervisors WHOSE work wasn’t being done (if that’s even the case) and the problem would solve itself. But fuckin’ nooooooo! Instead you have decided to engage in your own personal version of reality TV, “Office Affairs and the Nosey Fuck Stain Gawker”. And now you want to enter into the action and tell this man’s wife, eh? You are like the product of a piece of shit unzipping its pants, squatting, and taking a shit, you know what I’m saying? You are a nosey busy-body who is trying desperately to justify his/her busy-bodyness. Why don’t you go off to the corner with some razor blades and some Drain-o and ruin your own life and leave alone other people? No wonder they keep bringing back shit-TV shows like “Jersey Shore Housewife Bachelors of the OC”. It’s fuckers like you with no life other than what you can pilfer by invading the lives of others. Oh, and that shit about your dad? It probably happened because some asshole went to your mom with some halfcocked story that he/she didn’t know a goddamned thing about, but was too nosey and too lazy to care. Asshole.

LW#2: Dear Prudie, I was promoted to a great new position about six months ago. Fortunately (or not), the person who previously held this position is still with the company and has been a wonderful help to me. She’s been very gracious in answering my questions and very forthcoming with help and information. Unfortunately, she recently worked a project behind my back and submitted it to my boss. It’s a project that I was tasked to do, not her, and yet her version of the project is the one my boss went with. How could she do this to me, the bitch? Why does she still think this is her job? Because it’s so not! What can I do? Signed, Stabbed in the Back Ten Ways ‘Til Sunday

Dear Stabbed, You’re barking up the wrong tree here, Chicky Doodle! First off, do you think your colleague just decided to work up a counter proposal, all on her own, just for the hell of it, you know, ‘cause she has nothing better to do with her time? Without even being asked?! It’s possible, I guess (maybe “Rock of Love XIV” was on rerun and she was bored?), but, if so, whose fault is it that her work was accepted, or even considered?! (Hint: not hers). Further, if she was asked to provide the proposal, whose fault is that? (Hint: still not hers, and, by the way, this is the scenario I suspect actually happened). Now, could she have told you she was working the project? Perhaps. Should she have told you? Probably. But, you don’t know anything about why she did it? She may have been specifically asked not say anything. Perhaps the boss wanted two very independent takes. Why is that a threat to you? And especially, why do you perceive it as a threat from your colleague versus from the person who truly deserves the hot poker up the ass for accepting her work in the first place?! (Final hint: that deserving ass belongs to your boss). Prudie is batting zero-for-two so far this week. Do not address your colleague, address your boss. If he didn’t want this woman’s work, he would have told her to pack sand if she submitted it unsolicited. You need to calmly ask him why he accepted two versions of the same project. He may say that he always does that! He may say that he was testing you. He may say all sorts of things. But it’s him who needs to do the saying, not your colleague.

LW#3: Dear Prudie, My fiancĂ© is the greatest great that ever was great, but...we don’t have sex anymore. I mean, it’s like pretty much non-existent. He’s 34 years old, I’m 28, and I’m guessing it’s a libido thing? We’re getting married soon as there’s no way I’d leave him over this, but, I don’t know what to do! I’ve tried everything. He laughs when I wear sexy lingerie, he says he’ll try new things in bed, but we never seem to make it there. It’s affecting me, Prudie, as I don’t want to live this way, all sexless and frustrated. I think that, more than anything, it’s just a bad habit that we’ve fallen into--one that we can break. Can you help? Signed, Sexless in Seattle, or, Neglected Queen of Denial

Dear Platonic, you are pretty good at that whole denial thing, aren’t’cha? Look, there are all sorts of things that could be going on here, and you haven’t given us enough information to know which, but, this ain’t some “bad habit” you two have gotten into. And it’s not some Johnny-come-lately change in libido. Maybe he’s cheating? Maybe he’s way too into porn? Maybe he’s got something physically going on (there could be all sorts of things!)? Perhaps he’s drinking way too much? Maybe you’ve changed? Weight gain? Loss? Emotional of physical swings? Or maybe he’s changed and doesn’t feel comfortable being that vulnerable? Perhaps he struggling with his sexuality? Or, maybe you guys had a lot of sex in the beginning (everyone does) and then it leveled out to his normal pace, but you just didn’t notice right away and what he sees as normal you see as way too little? Not everyone has sex once-a-day or even once-per-week. Even some perfectly normal and happy couples are this way! Whatever it is, though, it’s clearly a problem. And though it might be uncomfortable to talk about, you’re going to have to do just that. But whatever you do, DO NOT get married with this issue looming. Just don’t. You have to stop this wedding until this issue is solved because this is not something that’s going way. And the longer you ignore it, the more frustrated and uncomfortable you’re going to become. Sex is often thought of as the most important need in humans past food and shelter. And if your need for it and his need for it are hopelessly out of whack, it’s going to be a struggle from the get go. You two need to get to the bottom of this issue. And solve it and figure out if you can be together. Before (or in lieu of) getting married. I mean, you sign off as “neglected”. What could be more telling?

LW#4: Dear Prudie, I’m graduating college in a few weeks and I have a number of obnoxious, asshole relatives who are coming cross-country to attend. They were not invited and yet are attending anyway, presuming my mother will pay for their expenses (which she cannot afford). They’re rude and mean-spirited. They say things about me, my weight, our house, the dog. They’re just assholes, Prudie. They stress out my mom to no end and I’m just not looking forward to this. At all. What can I do? Signed, Matriculation Trepidation

Dear Matriculate, Here is one of those rare opportunities that I love so much in life! You have a situation that’s about to occur that you know will unfold in an unsavory way if you continue to act as you have in the past. You’ve got a rare glimpse into the future! And you can change it! Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And he’s right (what, would you question Einstein?!). Look, you’re an adult. You are heading out on your own. You’re now a college graduate. It’s time to take the next big step and stand up for yourself. You can’t prevent your mom from being a doormat if that’s what she’s going to be, but you can prevent yourself from being one. I would suggest several tactics, the first being that if you have not invited someone to an event (graduation, wedding, etc.), ensure they don’t have tickets, directions, or even a location to go to! If it’s general admission and if they find out on their own, there’s not much you can do, but, otherwise, it’s easy. You say, “I’m sorry that you made plans without asking first, Grandma, but I only have tickets for Mom and Sis.” If she asks why, you say, “Again, Grandma, I’m sorry that YOU made plans without first consulting with me, but, there aren’t enough tickets and the ones I have, I’m giving to Mom and Sis.” No matter what, do not apologize. Notice how in my quotes, there was no apology, only regret over asshole behavior? Further, if they do come and say anything rude to you, don’t pussy-foot around! Never again! Say, “Grandma, I know that you treat my mom poorly, and step all over her, but I am not my mom and I will no longer be treated that way by you. If you have nothing nice to say to me, don’t say it. Ever again. Rest assured that from this day forward I will treat you with the same respect that you show me.” And mean it. Then turn your back on her and leave. Yes, she’ll go bitch to your mom. Your mom has a choice, too, you know? But you can’t make it for her. You can only control yourself. And you, starting today, can decide that you aren’t going to take it anymore. You don’t ever have to be rude, just resolute. You with me? Good! Now, go enjoy your graduation, head held high! You’ve earned it.

Well, Shippers, that’s it! I want to thank you for the great Anniversary Edition letters that I’ve received. There’s still a day left if you’re wanting to send one in for answers! But, after Friday night, I’m going to have to stop accepting new ones. Then, next Thursday, along with the first Prudie Edition of Year 2, I’ll publish the Anniversary Edition of Reader Letters, with answers. I’m excited! There are some good ones in there! Anyway, ‘til next week, Shippers, fair winds and following seas to you all! Cheers!


  1. Re: LW #1.. It sounded to me like they're working in one of those holes where management doesn't have a firm grasp or might not care about how work gets done as long as it is... so, there's no real personal accountability or, possibly, it's one of those scenarios where the two humping in a spare office simply put their phone on 'forward' and off they go.. all calls redirected and no one's the wiser.

  2. Greetings, Violet! And ahoy! :-) I agree, it could be that way, but, that being the case, I reckon the LW still has the choice of going to the two co-workers and saying, "Look, do what you want on non-company time, but, keep not doing your work and we're all going to HR. We're tired of carrying your load. We've recorded dates and times, so, you'd better straighten up." And I'm fine with that tack. Although, in truth, I doubt the other workers are carrying nearly the load the LW claims. I have a feeling this is almost all about the drama. But telling the wife?! That's nothing but drama for the sake of drama. Or worse!

  3. Smag, I agree with your assessments wholeheartedly, as usual. For my cranky, first-thing-in-the-morning responses, I've got them on my blog.

    I think that LW4 needs to really think about this reality, and, much as it pains me, maybe watch some Dr Phil. The man did always say you teach people how to treat you, and it is so true.

  4. Oh Captain, my Captain!

    Greetings to you on this fine, fine Prudie day! Now for your weekly smackdown ~

    LW#1 ~ Why are people assuming that there is an "HR" to take this to? Most offices I've been in, "HR" was some lady named Janet. And Janet would know what's going on already, cause, you know, she was like that. I agree with you that this is probably more in the LW's head than what's actually going on. She expects us to believe that this rampant hanky-panky is going on, affecting the entire office and nobody has done anything except her ~ writing to Prudie? The LW is trying to balance out the karmic wheel of justice in the universe and right some old wrongs because of what happened to her in the past, when she really needs to MYOB.

    Also ~ Mermaid admits to the guilty pleasure of The Real Housewives series. Seriously, what has happened to the ladies of the OC because of our economy is nothing less than a Greek tragedy! Some of them can't even buy shoes from anywhere but Payless!! I know, right?! If that doesn't make you weep, then you've a heart of stone, my creamy little Smagsicle.

    LW#2 ~ Oh, I see. Now that he's "out of the woods" it's okay to hash on our beloved Bret Michaels again? "Rock of Love XIV"? And just who is he choosing from ~ the Golden Girls? And since there are only two of them left ~ are you saying that that's all he can handle any more? Why don't you just come out and admit that you're jealous of me and Bret and that whole hot-tub-full-of-melted-cheese incident? I swear to you, Captain ~ I never fondued it with him!

    I'll let you recover and be back later with more. That's Mermaid's motto, you know. ;)

  5. Darling MM, I must point out, that even in the places where "HR" was "Janet," reminder of the laws regarding appropriate workplace behavior is usually enough to get management to do the appropriate thing to fix things. Unless of course "Janet" is the one doing the hanky panky, in which case, the CEO or other upper management type should be getting this issue addressed.

    Supposing, however, that the woman doing the hanky-panky in this LW's world, is the CEO of the company, the solution is, determine if you can ignore it, or start looking for new work, while working hard at your current job.

  6. Hi there Smaggy,

    Loved your responses as usual! For LW2, I really think that the coworker was just tired of the LW asking her to do her work. She left that job, and this bitch was making her do it (or much of it) and then taking the credit for it. Honestly, that's my take. So the coworker sent the boss HER version, to show him that his new hire was shit and SHE was still doing the work.

    And somehow, I don't blame her. Does that make me a bitch?

    Re: LW4: I had NO IDEA that Einstein was the one who said that! WOW. And I've heard that saying for years. So thanks for the education.

    Take care, Smagmeister!

  7. Greetings Libby! I shall go check out your blog momentarily! Thank you for the heads up. As for HR, I have to lean more to MM only because we could be dealing with a ten-person office here. One where the "boss" is usually away (playing golf, etc.). So HR is sort of a secondary duty for someone. You'd be surprised how many companies/offices out there are like that, where labor laws are broken left and right. I mean, I understand your point, I'm just saying that I think there are a lot of situations exactly like what MM is saying. :-) And it does suck big time, but, at the same time, the beauty is that if everyone does their job it'll be obvious who isn't. Or, just be an adult and go talk the to the happy couple and say, "Hey! Cheat all you want, but keep not doing work and your next tryst will be videotaped and broadcast at corporate." But never, ever, ever should a LW be threatening to talk to the wife. That's not even in the real of decent human behavior, and, as MM said, smacks of someone trying to right a perceived wrong...

    Good cheer, as always, Libby! :-)

  8. Oh, MM! I hope that you noticed that *I* didn’t mention a word about HR! Personally, I reckoned the LW ought to just do his/her job and let the chips fall where there were going to fall. And, too, I got the sense that the LW is a man, trying to do the noble thing by “saving” the honor of the wife and toddler. But who knows, right?

    I know that you thought that I was jealous, MM, when I found you and Bret in that vat of cheese, in flagrante delicto. But I wasn’t (sniff)! I was just stunned still by the site, wondering if his bandanna/hair combo piece was going to stay put in all of that sticky goo! But no...I wasn’t jealous. Honest! The only reason that I ran away is because I didn’t want him to see me looking at his artificial mane, wondering if it’d stay adhered to his slick noggin. But, to be sure, you mer-breasts looked absolutely lovely all slathered in cheese. ;-) Just sayin’.

  9. Greetings Bella! And ahoy to you! Well, I would say that IF your version is correct, the other woman is a bitch! I mean, why not just quit helping by saying, "You know what, LW, you've been in the job for six months now. It's time I remove myself from this scenario." So yes, if that's how it happened, the move was bitchy, IMHO.

    But, I'm thinking that if the other woman wasn't specifically asked by the boss to do an independent project submission, she did it because she's one of those people who just can't let go of a job and wanted it done "her" way! The LW did say they get along well, right? I've known people like that. Where the motivation isn't bitchiness so much as an inability to let go. :-)

    Either way, though, if it was unsolicited, one would hope that the two ladies could have talked it out prior to submission. But, even if it wasn't solicited (actually, especially so), I still blame the boss for accepting the work. He's the ultimate culprit in this deal, and definitely the one the LW needs to talk to.

    Good cheer, as always, Bella! :-)

  10. Greetings, SB1!

    While you gave LW1 an excellent and well-deserved knock around, I'm not sure what to make of your invocation of Gladys Kravitz. After all, despite the curious lengths to which she went for her suspicions about Samantha, can one entirely overlook that the facts would have backed Gladys up, or indeed proved to be even more than she expected? Or was that part of the reason behind your choice? The comparison does seem about on target as far as their grounds for suspicion and on how obnoxious they're making themselves.

    I wish I could be sure whether the letter is true or false, because this one is another sleep-robber. The only thought on which I can retire for the night is that LW1 should manage to catch them in the act, thus acquiring the requisite moral force to scare the philanderer into having to tell his wife - if, of course, what's going on not only really is going on but is also outside the boundaries for that particular relationship. Maybe if I can convince myself that the philanderer won't be able to lie convincingly, I'll get some sleep.

    Dormez bien!

  11. Aww...Smaggy, I have worked almost exclusively for companies under 50 employees. My current position is one of them. My 2 forays into the corporate realm, HR was much harder to access, and generally required significantly more documentation than in the smaller companies, where they just wanted to get the HR mess dealt with so they could get back to their "real" work.
    =-) Plus, by having audible sex in the workplace the canoodling couple is creating a hostile environment, and the higher-ups should be made aware that a lawsuit is possible if anyone else gets fired for failure to perform duties, because they can always claim being distracted by the fuckers. I mean canoodling couple. =-D

  12. Smag, as you know, I have not been in a great mood lately. I do see how your line of action is the correct one: IF my take on the situation was correct, the coworker should just have told her she did not have time to help anymore. Thinking on it, I think that is what I would have done, and certainly what I would want someone to do for me if I was asking for too much help after a reasonable amount of time.

    Now, if the coworker is just someone who can't let go of her old job, that's another thing entirely. Either way, I agree the boss should not have just accepted the work. He or she should have spoken with each of them to find out what was going on and to make sure everyone knew what they should and should not have been doing.

  13. Greetings hrumpole! I'm so glad that you caught my Gladys Kravitz reference! I'd love to say that it's the latter reason (i.e. "the facts would have backed Gladys up, or indeed proved to be even more than she expected"), that the being nosey of the philanderers' actions are well-deserved, and even doubly so due to the fact of what's actually going on (as in Samantha and family actually being witches), but, alas, I can only claim that I was thinking of the former as I was writing (the part of her being a nosey busy-body). However, if you'll allow it, I'd love to claim the latter as well?

    I'm much less about the telling of the wife than the not having to do extra work aspect, but, I can see the appeal, if, as you describe, the admission is well-forced. :-)

    Good cheer, hrumpole! :-)

  14. Greetings Libby. Fair enough, but, my argument would be that "audible" is not defined as someone having to purposefully cup their ear to the wall of the adjacent room in order to hear "moaning and sex noises". ;-)

    But yes, there are all sort of possibilities, and all manner of HR folk, and various possible outcomes. Can you see that the "couple" could sue as well, for being singled out and victimized, a la the "McDonald's coffee is too hot" oeuvre? ;-)

    Cheers! :-)

  15. Greetings Bella! Well, of course we can't know from the current info which possibility is reality (and of course, it could be something else entirely), so, I'm not willing to claim either of us to be correct. I just enjoy the guessing! :-)

    But yes, in the end, regardless, the boss shouldn't be accepting work behind the current employee's back. That just undermines her worth. Which, of course, could have been intention all along! :-)

    Good cheer, Bella, and have a wonderful weekend! Cheers! :-)

  16. Well, thank you for the good guffaw this morning Smaggy..."Jersey Shore Housewife Bachelors of the OC” :) Now that is one I might actually watch!!

    I feel everyone is getting off point on LW1 (and you keep bringing 'em back). The point of the letter was "I'm about to ruin the life a woman and child I've never met." All the other stuff in his/her (I leaned toward 'him' at first but now thinking 'her') letter was the justification for contacting the wife being wronged. And the answer to that is DO NOT contact that poor woman. LW knows nothing about the home situation and needs to mind his/her own business in that matter.

    Oh, and thank you to Mad Libby - my second big laugh of the morning: "because they can always claim being distracted by the fuckers. I mean canoodling couple." :D

  17. You made excellent points re. the first letter, but if LW1 is correct in her suspicions, she could be doing the cuckolded wife a service, as her husband could give her an STD with his "extracurricular activities." And the longer the situation goes on, the more difficulty it could cause should the wife want to leave, especially if they have more children together. It is a tricky situation though, as the LW has not actually met the wife, and her perceptions could very well be distorted by her own unresolved issues.

    Personally, I would want to be informed if my husband was potentially cheating on me. But that's just my two cents. :)

  18. You're very welcome, Criker!

    Smaggy, you may have a point. If this company didn't do any sort of "harassment awareness training" for all new employees, they couldn't very well single them out without exposing themselves to serious risk. They could, however, conduct a company-wide retroactive training - as was done a couple of times at my office on (I kid you not) how to properly utilize the restrooms.....

  19. Yow! You nailed them all today Smag! LW1- If you were good friends with the wife, completely different situation. Since you're not- MYOFB. LW2- I think you're right, the boss probably asked for her input b/c LW is F-ing it all up. LW3- are you engaged to my ex-husband?? Run for the hills girl!!!! Love the advice to LW4! And if grandma gets nasty with you, as one of my friends likes to say, tell her to shut her d*ck-sucker. Sorry for the crudity, couldn't help it:)
    And MM, I must confess I watch the real housewives too...when no one's around of course:)

  20. Smag, I could kiss you for your response to LW2- because I had almost the same thought. In the many years I've been working for a living, I don't know that I've EVER seen someone in one department turn in a project for another UNLESS THEY'VE BEEN ASKED. Like you, I can't imagine the predecessor taking time from her own work to submit a project just to screw the LW. Personally, I think the LW is realizing that maybe the position is a little TOO challenging for her, and is afraid she's going to be found out.

  21. Oh my, you mean there is a Bachelor of OC? Tune me in. What's not to love about watching all the interpersonal interactions of a bunch of women? Either drunk or sober they are all a riot to watch! Now we have men too? Tell me it's true! A view into the boy's club...oh, makes my heart all melty....and cheesy inside.

    I've so much more to say but I must dash to take off my sock's/shoes. Yesterday, high temp. 62 degrees, today, bada-bing a mere 86.4 fucking degrees (yes the heat stresses me to the point of swearing). So I'm going to my room now for a moment to myself. ;0)

  22. Howdy criker! And ahoy! :-) A double-gaffaw morning, eh? Can't do much better than that. :-) Excellent! I do agree that the main point that bugged me about LW#1 was the motive issue and the whole ruination of the life of the wife and toddler. Even though as others have pointed out that they'd want to know, I'd say that since the LW's motives are seriously in question here, I'd rather not know something that's false, you know? Yes, MYOB in this case, is the best policy for sure! :-)

    Good cheer, criker! :-)

  23. Greetings Anonymous, and ahoy to you! :-) I understand what you mean about wanting to know. And, I understand the concerns about an STD. But, in my humble opinion, there are just too many unknowns and questionables to justify engaging a unknown person in this type of discussion. We don't know of any STDs, we don't if the wife knows or not? Perhaps even condones it (not likely, but still)? But, most of all, to me, anyway, is that the LW doest know for certain that there IS an affair! I mean he/she has good reason to suspect it, but, what if there's not one going on? What if it's a lot more rumor than it is actuality? I just reckon that if you don't know a person, it's best not to guess. But, I will acknowledge and agree that I understand your points. :-)

    Good cheer! :-)

  24. Libby, the retro training could work, but, remember about sexual harassment that the qualification for a hostile work environment probably doesn't cover something so quiet and discreet that it requires sneaking around and spying on in order to know that it's happening. ;-) But yes, I agree, cover all bases in this case is a good idea and should allow appropriate action to be taken.

    Cheers! :-)

  25. Ahoy JayJay! Greetings to you! I love the "shut your dick sucker" line! Excellent! :-) And, too, I agree wholeheartedly that if a person KNOWS the wife, that's a completely different issue. But, in a case where no one knows here, no one knows the relationship, and, in a case where it seems that snooping is required just to know what's going on, it seems the best thing to do is exactly as you suggest, MYOB, which, of course, includes minding it regarding doing the work of others, too! :-)

    Good cheer! :-)

  26. Greetings GypsyAngel214! Thank you for the kind words! We are clearly of the same mind on LW#2. It just doesn't seem likely to me that the former employee would do the work and submit it and have it accepted without having been asked to do so. Although (!), it could be a Jay Leno situation, too, where the former employee in the position is learning she doesn't like her new digs and is wanting to push the Conan O'brien LW out of the way! ;-)

    Ah well, we'll see. Much good cheer!

  27. Greetings, Debbie! I'm sorry to hear about the heat there today, but, hopefully it's just a temporary thing. We'll miss you while you're gone, so, don't stay in there for too long! :-)

  28. oh you nailed LW2 on the head there old boy. I have watched many a stupid twit over the years thinking they could leech off of other people in the workplace. Well, sweetie, you just got called out, by the Boss no less..... what goes around comes around or at least, that is what gets me thru the day! Breeding will out, as they say in jolly old England (tho I am in SC at the moment).

    and LW1? I gotta agree with you = BUG OUT. Unless you are in a large corporation, your complaint will NOT be viewed as anything but sour grapes. let-it=go

  29. I mean as NOTHING but sour grapes. Bad syntax - my bad

  30. Hey there, oldbroad! :-) Ahoy and welcome! I agree that the boss is the ultimate villain here, but I'm not convinced that LW#2 is doing a poor job, or even (necessarily) leeching off of the former employee. I mean, I'll admit that I wouldn't still be asking frequent questions after six months (at least I hope I wouldn't be!), so, it's certainly possible that the LW is a leech of the first order, but, it's also possible that the ol' boss is just hedging his bets with multiple submissions. Either way, the LW has to up her game and confront the boss, not the former employee.

    As for the syntax, I think you actually got it right the first time! :-) But, don't worry, proper syntax is not required here. At all (thank goodness)! We're just very relaxed here, sittin' around the Lagoon with our feet (or fins) dangling in the water, enjoying ourselves with good (and often silly) conversation. No worries. :-)

    Good cheer, oldbroad! :-)

  31. Greetings, while the cool morning breeze floats upon me I shall add in my pondering's about this week's writers. I'm a bit unsure about my syntax but I've got good coffee which may show me the way past all the perils & pitfalls awaiting.

    LW1 Truly Torn...If it was not for the tone of the LW I'd be willing to submit anonymous proof to the rutting husband's wife, easy. But it sound's as if this LW just isn't one of the women he's getting along with so well, as if she's not on his list of new women to woo at the office, and she and her cohorts are tip toeing about as if they have some connection to 007 and are seeking out some heat guided missile hidden in an office with a noisy groaning paper shredder. They know nothing but sound like play ground kiddies wishing it were so. Truly Torn it's not my butt against the wall in the next office

    LW2 Overshadowed or Overly Sensitive? Anytime you rely on your predecessor, to do 99% of your new job, you're in trouble. Not her, you. Over Promoted or Over Promoted?

    LW3 Neglected (Almost) Newlywed I don't know which bother's me more, the Neglected or the Newlywed, but the two together spell....You are in for Heartbreak and sooner than one would ever wish for. How about saving yourself from a future divorce by flipping a mental switch today about how you view the time you've already spent with this man?
    What if you pretend that those 4 years are how long you've been married, now add in the fact that you've not had sex for the past year? Add in that he speaks about having sex, titillating descriptions of what he's going to do to you, new positions to bring you to new heights, but not until Saturday or Sunday,when he can really take his time, then that day comes and he's busy, doing some more important guy thing? Because men who describe great sex and line up the time and place usually find golfing, or fishing, having beer with buddies to be much more entertaining and exciting! Are you getting any of this? You hearing something a bit off in this behavior, is it screaming at you yet? I suggest you do one thing...come out and ask him why he is no longer having sex? And watch his reaction. If he looks startled, maybe it is because he is having sex, just not with you. Or he's having a medical issue that you both need to get help for. Regardless of why this issue should be something that the two of you, feel is important enough to seek out help. Don't marry him until you know what is going on, because divorce will be far more destructive that not marrying in the first place. Neglected & Foolish Sign Me Up

  32. LW4 B.A. Who Wants Out This is easier than one would think but hard to learn in the beginning. The freedom of being an adult gives you permission to decide when you are no longer having a good time and when to remove yourself from any situation. Here is exactly what you do when you find yourself in a group, or a conversation, or at a place you just don't want to be any longer. This is the power of being an adult. You say aloud, Excuse Me, and put one foot in front of the other and move your ass. No reason, no sentence needed, no explanation, nothing other than the words Excuse Me followed by the view of you leaving at the pace you choose, saunter, dash, run...whatever the situation requires is what you, you tell your body to do. And practice, practice, practice until you fully realize how wonderful it is to be an adult with this power. The power to walk away. Once I learned this, the world took on an entirely new look. You won't need to go toe to toe with your Granny, she wouldn't get it anyway, and it does not sound like your Mom is capable of doing anything different so let her be who she is and you become the person you know you need to be....and if that's out, then so be it! If you can't seem to remove yourself with these simple two words I suggest you start watching other people and how they leave situations, more often than not their exit is preceded by very few words if any and I bet the simple excuse me will be number one....and you know what...those left behind are just fine without any explanation or great announcement. Once you master this, later in private I'd tell Granny exactly how I wish to be treated and her remarks would not be welcomed, in fact I'd let her know her remarks were unkind and crass in a woman of her age, then I'd say excuse me and I'd go get ice cream with a friend who loves me as I am. Or fried cheese on a stick! B.A. Who Walk's Out Successfully

    Happy trails and may you find a cool breeze on this fine day.....;0)

  33. SB1 - Here's a new twist. Given that there has recently been much celebration of the wife who sued her husband's mistress for alienation of affection and was awarded a $9 million judgement, I am getting a vision:

    W: We need to talk.
    H: Again?
    W: I went to the doctor today. I have an STD.
    H: You're cheating on me? Who gave it to you?
    W: Don't play innocent with me. You know you gave it to me, you [SB1]. Who's the slore you've been [SB1]ing, you slore?
    H: I'll tell you one thing - she's not as big as a house with a double-wide veranda.
    W: How could you do this to me, you slore? I probably wouldn't have minded if you'd told me you wanted to [SB1] another woman - one less unpleasant job I'd have had to do. But to keep it a secret and give me an STD...
    H: How could you not know? If you didn't have your head so firmly wedged up your own backside, you'd have realized that my being in such a good mood these last six months couldn't possibly have anything to do with you. Even the whole [SB1] office knows about it!
    W: And noone told me? They all knew what you were doing and let me risk my life and health? Why... I'll sue! I'll sue you and that slore you're [SB1]ing and every last [SB1] in your whole [SB1] office!

    The funny (or scary) part is that I can conjure an equally credible vision of LW1 being sued for doing something as for doing nothing - a true no-win situation.

    What a shame the wife's best friend doesn't work there as well...

    Another thing that's occurred to me - so many people have mentioned going to HR; what would happen if LW1 or some future LW similarly situated were actually IN the HR department? Would one have to wait for someone else to make a formal complaint? It reminds me a little of The Final Cut, when Elizabeth Urquhart "blurts" out to Sir Clyde Watling that there's lots of oil in the disputed area of the Cyprus settlement and that the French are trying to arrange to give it all to the Greeks, and then later, when Sir Clyde maintains that the judging panel was insufficiently briefed about the oil and should reconsider the Turk-favouring division, says that, since she'd told him about the secret study, it would be difficult for him to maintain that he'd acted only on "official" knowledge.

  34. LW 1 Truly Torn. If I disliked this man so much because he was getting paid more than I for the same exact job (and we know girls that this more often that not is true)and he's not producing, I'd have no problem not minding my own business and getting the proof I need for his wife and baby. I'd sneak out ahead of both of them and quietly do my paparazzi move, about the time his johnson makes an appearance I'd use my trusty 007'like phone with a camera. I'd steal away and have a good long lunch and plan my next move on how to quietly pass along this information on Monday to arrive to her right after he leaves for work. Give the woman plenty of time to do whatever she needs to do before he arrives home. She may need to see for herself and drop by, or she may need a week to gather her finances, or maybe she's fine with it, doubt that though. Tuesday morning I'd sit at my desk to see what happens next.

    If you want to have sex at work and do your job while you're single, I'm fine, but if you've a wife and small children at home, I have no respect for you so game on. I'd have to know that I'd never be a suspect though...I'd have to keep to my what happened mode...who, what, oh you don't say? How incredible, that lout, how could he, she did, oh, then what happened, do tell me more.

    Hey SmagBrainiac...would one man tell another man if the gender's were reversed? Or would he stay silent forever more while keeping his head down at his desk ignoring the sounds of sex?

  35. Greetings, Debbie! Excellent takes, one and all! :-) I definitely agree about the possible motivations of LW#1. If the LW is a woman, certainly as you've said, but, if the LW is a male (as I suspect), then because he's angry that he's not getting any from the young lady in question. ;-) It's possible! Regardless, as we've said, the lost work is the concern, not telling the wife. At least in my humble opinion.

    As for your follow on question about if men would tell, as I say, I think the LW *is* a man! :-) And, in truth, I think his motivation is that he thinks telling the wife would be "honorable". At least that's how I believe he's justifying thinking about telling. That he's "saving" her. And, maybe he would be? As for me, I think both genders ought to stay out of business that isn't theirs. Tell the bosses that work isn't being done, sure, but don't tell the wife. Not unless you know her. That's my two cents.

    As for LW#2, I am not convinced that the LW counted on the former incumbent to do all of the work, but, I do get the impression that the LW kept her quite involved. If for nothing else than to always run things by her before submitting them to the boss. Regardless, it still sounds to me as if the supervisors at this place need to step up.

    And, of course, I'm with you 100% on LWs 3 and 4. :-)

    Good stuff, Debbie! :-)

  36. Greetings hrumpole! And ahoy! :-) You know, I've been following the multi-million dollar award case with some amount of disbelief and anger. Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and yet this bitch sues the mistress for $9 million?! And wins?! To me, the defense attorney in this case had his head up his ass, or, more likely (and at the considerable risk of offending MM), the jury was a bunch of fucktarded conservative rednecks who got all Bible-i-fied over this cheatin' and fornicatin'. If a man is cheating, his affections for his wife have already been alienated. Prior to cheating. One doesn't cheat if one's affections aren't already gone or at least damaged. Cheating is the product! The jury's findings, while perhaps based on archaic law, were offensive and disgusting to me.

    Now, should hubby have to pay for the divorce and split his assets and child support, etc.? Certainly. But his mistress owing $9 million?! That's (I hope you'll pardon me for saying this) pretty fucked up right there.

    I think that if the person witnessing the behavior is in HR, they would only need to then fill out the complaint form themselves, having it properly filed, etc., and then call in the offending employees and inform them that their behavior has been complained about and recorded. They would, of course, have the opportunity to argue their side, but, I don't *think* that the complainer being in HR would be a problem provided all procedures were followed. I can see how that could be a conflict of interest, though, so, maybe they'd have to call in someone from corporate HR? Interesting thought...

    Good cheer, hrumpole! :-)

  37. As for LW#1 I recommended ratting him out to the boss AND his wife in the hopes that he'd go away. I think I am become Proody, the sociopathic LOLcat advisor.

  38. Oooops caan't comment, my hard drive is going belly up! Last message before it drowns....

  39. Spacey! Welcome! And ahoy to you and to Proody, the sociopathich LOLcat advisor. :-) Hey, that advice is as good as any I can offer, no doubt! :-)


    Greetings Kati! I'm sorry to hear of the immanent demise of your hard drive! I hope that all goes well saving your data and getting a replacement machine/drive, etc.!

    Good cheer and good luck! :-)

  40. Ahoy there Captain Smag!
    Computer is back in action. Had a long conversation with my Indian friend who took it over and of course the grinding noises stopped just as I was putting the phone next to the tower... so he said computer is fine... He also told me he has mango trees in his yard, and it's mango season in India and everybody is getting mango shakes but he wasn't able to send me one over the phone....bummer!

    Prudie's letters: Perfect vigorous advice. Though I have to tell you that I've actually seen some people faint at graduations but I always assumed it was from boredom (you know all of them speeches...)