http://www.slate.com/id/2276212/ (12/02/2010) <---Original Prudie Questions Can Be Found There
Hey hidey-ho-ho-ho, Shippers! And happy December to you all! How are you on this fine, fine Prudie Day? I’ll admit that I’m pretty run-down with a stuffy head and even some nausea, so, if I’m off my game today, please cut me some slack (or not--I don’t usually cut any slack for the LWs!). May those of you transitioning to new things this week/month/new year have the best transition ever. I know that December/January is a time for that sort of thing and my support and good wishes go out to you all! That said, though, and before I get too sappy, we have letters, eh? Well then, let’s get crackin’!
LW#1: Dear Prudie, My husband has some sexual fetish desires that I can’t “deal with”. What I mean is, they aren’t my thing and I’ll be damned if I want to try them! It’s my right not to, isn’t it?! He’s proposed visiting a dominatrix to occasionally scratch his itch. And I’m actually considering allowing it. He’s been to a therapist to try to get past this fetish and he can’t. I don’t believe he’ll have intercourse with the dominatrix, but, at the same time, I don’t want another woman being intimate with my husband. What should I do? Let him, or don’t? Signed, Passively Conflicted
Dear Conflicted. What are you conflicted about? I mean, in the end? Let’s look at the facts, shall we? Your husband is apparently being honest with you. He’s asking for permission to go to a professional, not for sex, but for a fetish release. If you desire, I’m sure you can go talk to this woman and ensure that she’s actually a dominatrix and not his office secretary dressed up in latex. You could ask to have explained to you how things will go. And, ultimately, you can decide if you can live with it or not. If you can’t, though, be upfront and honest with your husband and leave him. On good terms. Respectfully. Sexual incompatibility between two people who can’t (in his case) or won’t (in yours) try to meet in the middle is probably a deal breaker because of all that it leads to. Try to work it out, try to understand, try to be comfortable with things, but, most of all, be honest. Honesty is working so far with you two, and, if it means going separate ways or having him visit a pro on occasion, that’s a hell of a lot better than being miserable, yes?
LW#2: Dear Prudie, my crazy, temperamental mother-in-law, who’s been in 20 automobile accidents (the vast majority of which were her fault) likes to come by and pick up my two year old daughter and take her places. I’m a non-confrontational person, so, I try to be okay with this, but, every time my MIL has my daughter, I’m out of my mind with worry. My MIL’s own two daughters won’t let her drive their kids anymore, yet, when I try to express my fears, my MIL flies off the handle. What can I do? Signed, Scared Mama
Dear Scared. Your daughter is helpless. You are not. You are charged with your daughter’s care. Therefore, if something happens to your daughter in your MIL’s care, it’s on you. Period. See this: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101130/ap_on_re_us/us_child_off_walkway. I hope that wasn’t your daughter. I hate that it was anyone’s daughter. How do you imagine that mother feels? I can’t even fathom it. If that doesn’t scare you straight nothing will, but, as a second point, one that ought to light the fires of your belly into a full-blown volcano, why isn’t your husband helping control his mom? If he’s deployed or his job has him otherwise out of town, that’s one thing. But, unless he’s deceased, he can still talk to her. He can still affect the situation. You shouldn’t have to face this alone. And, like with the letter above, honesty is the best policy. Be firm and honest with you MIL and say that your child will no longer drive with her. Anywhere. They can spend time, just not in a car. As for your MIL still driving after 20 accidents?! I think there’s more to this story than you are sharing with us. Will it paint you in an even worse light, like, does this woman have no license? Wake up, Mama, and start doing your job.
LW#3: Dear Prudie, Christmas is in full swing in our office and I’ve noticed over the past several years that the celebration has gotten more and more religious. And while I’m fine with personal expressions of faith, I don’t like Christianity bombarding me in all of common areas of the office during this season. Last year, my boss asked me why I didn’t attend the tree lighting and I said it’s because I’m not a Christian. Her response was that I could hang a menorah on the tree! I’d rather have more secular celebrations of Christmas, Prudie. How can I fix this? Signed, Not a Christian
Dear Scrooge. Okay, I’m just kidding with the Scrooge thing. To me, the solution is simple. If you have tried being honest with your supervisors and management (Have you? As in, really? I’m not talking about hinting, I’m talking about, have you and others sat down with them and stated that you’re offended?) and you’ve gotten no response, I suggest erecting a Festivus pole, complete with performance of the “Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength”. You need to insist on this. Further, you need to celebrate at least two Pagan rituals. An office bonfire with pairing for celebratory sex is a great one! This ritual rings in the coming spring and the desired crop fertility--plus it’s fun! The youngest male should also be made to hunt a buck and kill it with his bare hands. Finally, you’ll want to celebrate as Jack Skellington would, with reenactments of scenes from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”. And finally, light some incense. You guys are going to need it! Seriously, though, if your honest concerns, professionally-expressed to your supervisors, don’t do the trick, I see nothing wrong with introducing these alternative takes, in full or in part. Merry meet and Blessed Be!
LW#4: Dear Prudie, I married earlier this year. My husband’s family wants to take us all to Las Vegas to celebrate Christmas. My husband and I are horrified by this idea and don’t want to go. But, since we spent Thanksgiving with my family (we all live in the same town), we feel sort of obligated to go along. What should we do? Signed, Obviously Too Young To Be Married
Dear Too Young. You may have noticed a trend with my posts today. I suggest having your husband be honest with your in-laws and explain that the two of you don’t want to go to Vegas for Christmas (presuming your husband really doesn’t want to go?). You’re not obligated to go and having spent Thanksgiving with your family no more obligates you to go with his family to Sin City than it obligates you to spend Christmas with anyone! Fact is, since you live in the same town, I’m not sure why you didn’t split Thanksgiving time, but, that’s just me being Captain Hindsight. I hope that you remember the lesson for next year, though? As for what to do, as Prudie suggested, making sure to spend time with your in-laws upon their return is what’s important here. That and honesty. You can’t be faulted for either. Good luck!
Well, Shippers, that about does it! Holy smokes, it’s been awhile since I’ve had a theme run through all of my answers like that. But sometimes, just growing up and putting on your big boy/girl panties is all that a problem calls for. And in these cases, that seems the perfect solution. May your week be wonderful and bright and your weekend full of fruitful endeavors. Good cheer!